tagCelebrities & Fan FictionWhen in Caesar's Palace

When in Caesar's Palace


                                                               FADE IN:


               Two white plainclothes COPS are moving rapidly up a dark
               staircase.  They are holding drawn pistols.  They reach a
               floor and move down the hallway to a door.  One of the COPS
               bangs on the door.

                                   COP #1
                         NYPD! Devon Barnes, open the
                         fuckin' door!

               Footsteps and voices are heard within the apartment.  The
               footsteps move towards the door.

                                   MAN #1
                         What the fuck you want?  If you
                         ain't got no paper, get the fuck
                         outta here.

                                   COP #1
                             (holding up badge to
                         Here's the only paper I need,
                         bitch!  Now open the fuckin' door,
                         Barnes.  We just need to talk to
                         you for a second.  

               The door opens slightly, and MAN #1 peers out.  He looks at
               the two COPS and decides to open the door a little more.  COP
               #1 kicks the door open all the way and COP #2 bursts in.  COP
               #1 throws MAN #1 to the ground and covers him with his

               INT. APARTMENT - DAY

                                   COP #2
                         Everybody get your fuckin' hands in
                         the air!  Do it now!  

               Three men are seated on a filthy living room set in the
               trashed apartment.  The men sense something is wrong. One man
               reaches for a pistol on the coffee table.

                                   COP #2 (CONT'D)
                         Don't touch that weapon! Fuckin'

               The man's hand touches the weapon.  COP #2 fires a shot into
               the man.  Chaos erupts as the other men leap up from the

                                   COP #1
                         Billy! Just do everybody!

                                   COP #2
                         Hey, whatever you say...

               COP #2 fires his pistol at the remaining two men, killing
               them.  COP #1 fires his pistol into the head of MAN #1 who is
               still face down on the floor. The COPS flee the apartment and
               race out to the street where they enter their car.

               INT. CAR - DAY

                                   COP #2
                         Holy shit! That was a fuckin' freak
                         show!  I'm so pumped right now!
                         Woo hoo!

                                   COP #1
                             (driving and shaking head
                              in wonder)
                         You were goddamn John Wayne back
                         there.  Bam, bam, bam!  Never seen
                         no shit like that!

                                   COP #2
                         I love this cop thing.  Gets you
                         into all the best places.

                                   COP #1
                             (agreeing and gesturing
                              with his badge)
                         God bless eBay.  You can buy any
                         fuckin' thing there.  

                                   COP #2
                         No shit.  Gotta love technology.
                         I'm fuckin' starved...let's find
                         someplace to eat.  How about that
                         diner on the East Side you took me
                         to last month?  Uhhh,

                                   COP #1
                         Nah, "Hanrahan's," ya dumb Irish
                         fuck!   Hey, go ahead and text the
                         Guinea.  Say, "The fried chicken
                         was great.  Thanks for the recipe."

               COP #2 uses a cellphone and taps out the text message.  Upon
               completion, COP #2 wipes the cellphone with a rag and drops
               it out the window where it is run over by traffic and

                                   COP #2
                         So who is this Guinea anyway?

                                   COP #1
                         Just some douchebag spaghetti eater
                         Frankie met in juvie.  They get
                         together now and then.  Frankie
                         says he's an up and comer in the
                         Jersey Mob.  The Guinea's doing a
                         favor for Johnny Sack.

                                   COP #2
                         THE Johnny Sack?  The one who runs
                         the Lupertazzi crew?

                                   COP #1
                         Yeah, the very same. Those niggers
                         had been ripping off some of his
                         operations in Harlem.  

                                   COP #2
                         Those stupid ass motherfuckers! I
                         guess Frankie's gonna get some
                         brownie points outta this.  And us

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