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COP #1
Especially us!
The car arrives at the curb near Hanrahan's Diner. The COPS
park the car and get out. As they walk to the front door,
COP #2 glances at COP #1's leather shoes and sees gore from
the earlier action.
COP #1 (CONT'D)
Man, smell that sausage! I could
eat a fuckin' horse...and some
fried chicken and watermelon!
COP #2
(laughing)
Well, before we go in officer, you
might wanna polish your shoes.
COP #1
(looking down)
What? Awww shit! That eggplant
busted all over my shoe! Fuck me!
The men laugh and COP #1 scrapes his shoe with a piece of
dirty cardboard he finds on the sidewalk near the door.
INT. SOPRANO HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY
CARMELA SOPRANO is bustling in the kitchen. She finishes
placing food on the kitchen table, then faces the stairs and
shouts.
CARMELA
AJ! Meadow! Tony! Breakfast's
ready!
AJ and MEADOW hustle down the stairs and enter the dining
room.
AJ
Mom, I need to go to Petey's after
school to finish my science
project.
CARMELA
(suspicious)
Aren't you done yet? I thought you
finished last week? AJ, I'm not
sure I like that Petey kid. What
are his plans after he graduates?
AJ's face betrays the rising anger he feels as CARMELA
questions him.
AJ
(exasperated)
How come Dad never questions me
about my friends? Why do you
always have to rip on my friends?
Shit!
MEADOW
What do you expect AJ? Your friends
are losers!
AJ
Fuck you, Meadow!
TONY SOPRANO enters the DINING ROOM. His entrance breaks up
the battle. AJ and MEADOW glare at each other.
TONY
(sarcastically)
How is my precious family doing
this fine morning?
(beat)
And who's Petey?
CARMELA
Your darling offspring were getting
ready to tear out each other's
throats. Just like everybody else
we know.
TONY shoots the kids a death stare, then addresses CARMELA.
TONY
Carm, why does it seem like
everything is such a big fuckin'
deal with you? Do you always gotta
overexaggerate?
MEADOW
Dad, I think you mean exaggerate.
There's no such word as
overexaggerate.
TONY
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,
Einstein. But I think your Mom has
a problem with reality.
CARMELA
No, I'm the one driving the Reality
Bus in this house and I'm gonna
take it out of here. Serve your
own damn selves!
CARMELA leaves the dining room in a fury, and exits the
house, leaving TONY, AJ, and MEADOW.
TONY
(under breath)
Smooth move, Tony old boy...
The doorbell rings and MEADOW gets up to get it. CHRIS
MOLTISANTI and PAULIE "WALNUTS" GUALTIERI enter the room.
CHRIS is pimp strutting up to TONY. AJ and MEADOW grab
plates of food and head to the family room.
CHRIS
(Inner city Black accent)
Wassup, dawg?
TONY
What the fuck are you sayin'?
What's with the "Boyz in the Hood"
shit?
CHRIS
Chill, homeboy! I's jes' 'bout to
get to dat!
TONY
Your skinny dead ass is gonna be
chillin' in Satriale's meat locker.
So, what's up?
AJ has come into the kitchen to refill his orange juice and
hears CHRIS acting out the inner city Black stereotype.
AJ
Man! Can you be any more racist,
