When It All Goes Away

The screaming of tires on asphalt in a desperate attempt to stop, the sickening metal on metal crunch of two cars colliding headlong into each other. That's what started my day. I knew as I jumped out of bed and threw on jeans and a t-shirt this was going to be bad. I could only mumble a hasty prayer to The God and Goddess as I headed out the door almost forgetting my shoes and everything else. Leaving the dog barking insanely in the living room, I sprinted for the hidden curve behind my house.

'Please Goddess' I prayed 'its summer vacation, don't let any of the kids be up early today, don't let any of the neighborhood kids be involved'.

As I'd rounded the corner and ran through shattered glass and headlights littering the ground, She answered my prayer 'thank you Goddess, thank you, Blessed Be.' That would be my last reason to be thankful for a long time. A speeding car had rear-ended a motorcycle, I know it was speeding I wouldn't have been woken this way if the driver had been doing the speed limit. it's a dangerous curve on the best of days, on the worst days, like this, its deadly.

In my head I was counting, I know Kim had woken up too and would be calling an ambulance and the police. So in my head I was counting, 35 minutes with heavy morning traffic, provided there were no other accidents to take care of first. I could see the driver of the car ghost white and shaking behind the wheel of her shiny new BMW. Wondering why new cars incite us to speed I look around for the driver of the motorcycle. For a moment all I could fix on was the bike, twisted and abused, lying broken on its side shoved up against the guardrail. After a few seconds of sickened staring and hoping the driver of the motorcycle would stumble into view mildly dazed miraculously unhurt, I leaned over the guardrail and looked down the embankment. There he was, crumpled like a child's toy after a tantrum. I could vaguely hear the driver of the car behind me on her cell phone, screaming at 911 to get some here to help her she had crashed her car.

I don't know if she realized he was down there or if she even cared. I stepped into the grass on the other side a piece of glass digging sharply into my heel through my shoe, bringing me back to reality. Slowly making my way down the hill, I keep listening for the urgent wail of sirens in the distance. Slipping and sliding the last few feet I finally realized what I had known all along, I know this man. This wasn't just any man, this was the man I love above all others. The moment I had seen his motorcycle I had known, my mind unwilling to accept what my eyes were telling it. Kneeling beside him broken and bleeding in the dirt my hands shaking like a leaf in a storm I send up another prayer to the God and Goddess 'please let him be ok, don't take him from me, please, please please. Sobbing and shaking I say his name touching his shoulder, my prayer caught somewhere between a chant of hope and disbelief 'Please not Jake, please not Jake, please not Jake...'

He groaned and tried to move. The Goddess hadn't answered my prayer this time. Turning his head slightly the face plate of his helmet cracked and smeared with dirt and blood I could see him smile up at me, I can feel my heart beating wildly out of my chest as I remove his helmet knowing I probably shouldn't. 'I knew you'd come sweetheart' He holds up a blood-covered hand for me to see and smiles that lazy smile that makes my heart ache. 'Looks like we wont be getting hand fasted at Lughnasadh' I shake my head at him tears blurring my vision, 'don't be stupid, of course we will, you wont get out of it just because of a tiny scratch, I'm keeping you forever.'

He gives me 'that look' pushing himself up on his elbows to get closer, I lay him gently back down sliding closer cradling his head in my lap. Squeezing my hand he presses my palm over his heart, 'sing it for me?' he asks 'you always sing it when you know things aren't too bad.' my heart slamming against my ribs breathing an agony of fire and needles into my lungs I sing… you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray…. Jakes voice blending and fading into mine I listen to the ambulance in the distance, it's urgent screaming of sirens suddenly sounding desperate and mournful to my straining ears.

As I stare up the hill at the arriving lights I see Kim standing on the embankment staring down at us, surrounded by kaleidoscope flashes of light and dark shadows making their way down the hill to us. One shadow is darker than the rest, gliding towards us like the inevitable rising of the sun. I whisper to Jake how much I love him singing softly as I feel him relax and slip away from my here and now.