Where Do I Go From Here? Pt. 02

So what a way to end. Was she dreaming the whole thing? Or had time moved on and she was now fucking her husband but still had to tell him about Yoni? Or had there been no fucking just their routine life and she was steeling herself to tell him about Yoni?

Maybe I have a quirky mind. But I see this fantasy as a means to an end. It is her way of escaping, or possibly revising, a dead marriage.

When I was a high schooler decades ago, I read a story set in a mental hospital in a totalitarian world. The residents of Ward Three were slipping into comas in bed and then coming out, but the comas were getting longer and might be permanent. The rulers could find no medical explanations for them. Finally, they searched outside their hospitals and found a prisoner, a historian. He was granted leave to go into the hospitals and observe them. He understood their dream worlds -- or alternate worlds -- but could not enter them. When interrogated on the way back to his cell, he suggested: "Send a poet into Ward Three." The powers that be searched their domain and could not find a poet anywhere. And the historian, back in his cell, laughed and laughed.

It sounds like the story I read 35-40 years ago has come back to life in this story. The woman is looking for her poet. She is brought back to reality -- for now -- but soon she will go away, perhaps forever.

Last year, to escape the boredom of an overnight shift, my supervisor and two friends started a chain story, each of us writing a few pages and then passing it on, usually at the end of each night. The supervisor was a great lover of fantasy fiction and wrote much of it herself, as a trip to an alternate universe. One of the other two was a poet. I was a one-time poet who had a run of poems (written during other overnight shifts, and often alternate lyrics to famous tunes written as tributes to my friends) that I later E-published..

The story was a mixture of fights of fantasy, pragmatism (mine) to give the story structure, Poetic descriptions of the alternate world (All of us), adventure and hope (mine). It too had an abrupt ending, with two characters (a married couple) transmitted back to where they came while the others, including a patient of a doctor who treated her hysterical blindness (he was one of the two who went back, along with his wife), while the others found a key to living a life in their transformed society by pooling their magic, knowledge and skills. They had no ordinary Utopia, devoid of love (I've read the original book and, no, there is no such thing as love there). They had a world that would grow and prosper. Eventually.

I combine the two stories in the above paragraph and get this one. I'm not. drunk. I want to0 tell you encouragement.

There could be much more to come in this story. I hope so.;

Blessings and encouragements.

Sorry, but the ending was awful, you spent all of pt1 and most of pt2, raising the tempo of lesbian erotica only to dash all our hopes, by introducing her bloody husband. If I wanted to read about her man, I would not be reading a lesbian story, sorry for that it gets a 2*.

An interesting story, almost poetic in parts, but suddenly and sadly lacking an acceptable conclusion. While I don't feel the anger or disgust or whatever that some of your readers seem to, I do consider the ending both too abrupt and a let-down. You did say this was not the ending originally intended---if your original planned ending was more in keeping with the overall story, you should have gone with your instincts and written it. If a writer considers any part of a story to be wrong, then it probably is.

ok im sorry i didn't mean to tease ... i wasn't totally pleased with the ending of that story either. i became confused as to how to continue it, and i should've remained true to the original ending i had put on . i apologize.