Where Trouble Lurks

Lynn was there beside me through it all. She hugged me, cried with me, and even raged with me. Yet, she held something back too. There was something she knew that she wasn't telling me. Then she began her story.

"You know, Dawn called me Monday night. She was worried about you and was asking how you'd been lately. I told her you'd seemed preoccupied about something. She didn't like that, but she didn't know what you would have been preoccupied about. Even though she told me that she'd been doing what she'd been doing with that jerk in Boston, she didn't seem to want to bring it up with me again."

"That's strange. I mean, she told you about it then she seems to want to forget that you know?"

"That's not all. Towards the end of the call she said that she thought you may know something was up with her in Boston."

"What did you tell her then?"

"I told her that she would deserve whatever happened if you found out about her and her lover...but that I didn't think that that was what was preoccupying you."

"What was preoccupying me then Lynn?"

"I didn't tell her this, but I think I've been preoccupying you."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. I think that you're afraid to let go with me. I think that you think I'll be hurt if we do something together...say like...fuck. I think that you're afraid that you may have stronger feelings for me than I could for you. I think that you're afraid that our age difference would ensure that we'd never have a chance. I think that you just have a full plate thinking about us and Dawn is becoming secondary to it all now."

I was stunned. This was a Lynn I didn't know. She shocked me with saying the word 'fuck' then drove her points home ever so forcefully. I didn't think she was fully correct though. Dawn wasn't secondary yet, but for Lynn to have acted and said what she just had, she had to feel that way.

"So. That's what you think then?"

"Dave, come on. You know you've looked at me in 'that' way a few times lately. You know that I love you and want you...yes...I desire you. You can't deny that. Can you?"

"All right. You're right about my desires. But I'm still married and you may think that Dawn is secondary, but she's not. She's right square in the middle of all of this. She's cheated on me, yes, but she's also been my wife for a long time. Long enough that I feel that I have to give her a chance to come clean and then make amends."

"Yet, you really would like to fuck my eyeballs out wouldn't you? You'd love to have my hot lips around your cock, sucking you off, right? You'd love to lick my pussy and then move up and stick your hard cock into me wouldn't you? Well? Wouldn't you?"

I was stunned. Never had Lynn talked like this around me. I could hardly put together my response to her on that, messed up as my mind was.

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

I was desperate.

"Loving me and fucking me are wrong?"

I struggled for a response.

"When I'm married to someone else? Yes."

"After what she's done to you, in spite of your love and affections for her, you can stand there and refuse me?"

She wasn't playing fair at all. Lynn was doing a full court press and I was unprepared for such an event.

"I have to."

Lynn moved back and started to unbutton her top. She had a look in her eyes that spoke volumes.

"Lynn, please...don't. We can't do this. It won't be right. I'm married, regardless of what Dawn has done."

Her top floated to the floor and she reached back undoing her bra.

"Lynn, really, we can't. Yes, you're an attractive and desirable woman. I just can't break my vows."

Her hands moved away from her body and as her bra fell off to one side her breasts bounced and swayed with the movement of her body.

"Oh God. Lynn, please. We can't do this. I'm old enough to be your father. I'm married..."

"Dave, I can see that I'm turning you on. You're allowed lover. You are allowed."

Her hands were on her jean buttons. As they came undone, one at a time I could only watch her from where I sat. I glanced at the computer where I saw my wife in the arms of another man and they were obviously enjoying themselves sexually. I licked my lips, unconsciously thinking of something...I wasn't sure what.

"Dave...look at me. Tell me you don't want me."

I turned to see a totally naked Lynn. Her flat toned belly, shaved pussy, firm enticing breasts all begging for my lips and tongue. Her arms went out as if to draw me into her center. Standing there in front of me shamelessly showing me that what I desired was there and ready to take.

"Lynn, we can't."

My desperation must have shown as Lynn smiled and started to stalk towards me. I couldn't help but watch her body move, breasts swaying, hips twisting, her small slit all wet and shiny in the light of the room and her arms still up and out towards me. Looking into her eyes I could only see a woman in the depths of desire. Desire for a man...not any man, but this man. Me.

Age differences had slipped away. My marriage was slipping away. In my mind, suddenly I realized that I truly did want Lynn in 'that' way and I knew it was about to happen. Lynn saw it in my eyes the instant I admitted it to myself. My surrender was almost complete.

Almost.

She saw that in my eyes too. Suddenly she was kissing me hard. In between kisses she babbled on and on. She was fighting as she only knew she could.

"I knew it. I knew you'd love me. You love me I can see it in your eyes. I knew that if I came over and we did it that you'd see it. I knew it."

I felt a sharp pain in my heart at that moment. Guilt coupled with the love I was feeling for Lynn and the love I still held in my heart for Dawn was overwhelmingly crushing me. I moved to get up and ended up falling onto the floor in front of the couch. I sat there, Lynn on my lap still, my head in my hands.

"Oh God. What have I done? What am I doing? Oh God."

"We're just going to make love Dave, that's all."

"It's wrong. I have no right. It's all wrong."

I struggled to get up. What had I almost done? I'd messed up everything. I was scared now. Afraid that Lynn would treat me differently. Afraid that I'd tossed away my marriage...afraid of what the future held. Then I realized...Lynn and I hadn't done it yet, but if we had, I had no protection.

She could get pregnant. I could be a father in the making again, if we did what we were headed towards doing right now. What would my kids think? What would they say? What would Dawn think? My co-workers? I couldn't even marry her and make it somewhat right either...I was already married!

In the middle of my train-wreck, Lynn got up and began to hug me close to her nakedness.

"It's all right Dave. First of all, I'm on the pill, can't get pregnant. Secondly, I know you're married and we'll work that all out as it comes. If you and Dawn stay together, then that will be it. If you end up divorced, then we can see where we head to and end up. There's nothing wrong with what we do Dave. You have to know that. You wouldn't ever do this if there'd been no reason to. Dawn gave up the reason and her rights to you, and I'm damned glad she did now. Not that I wanted her to hurt you or anything...but damn...you are a man and a half. I want you to be my man."

"It's not all right Lynn. It is all wrong. We should never..."

"You don't love me then?"

"NO...I do love you...it's..."

"You love me, I love you. Yes, you're married, but your wife has been cheating on you for a year. A YEAR Dave. One whole fucking year."

"IT'S wrong Lynn. We shouldn't do this. Damn. DAMN. DAMN IT DAWN. See where we are now? God damn it!"

I collapsed back onto the couch.

Lynn was holding me close, hugging me tightly and smoothing my hair. I saw the tears in her eyes and thought that I had hurt her somehow. I started to apologize.

"I'm so sorry Lynn. I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry. I took advantage..."

"YOU didn't. I did. I took advantage. You were all mixed up. You are weakened and I know it. I took advantage. NOT YOU. ME. I want you so much...so damn bad...I...I did it. I pushed you into it and I may have messed up everything now. I'm so sorry Dave. I love you and I had to...try."

She buried her head into my chest and cried. I felt bad. I felt...love and pain. All at once I was feeling so many things that my head was about to explode. The ringing of the phone almost went by without either of us hearing it such was our state.

Holding a naked young woman in my lap in the state of mind I was in didn't prepare me for what happened next.

"Hello!"

I yelled it into the phone. I was angry, sexually tense, and also on the edge of doing something very stupid.

"Dave? What's wrong? You sound upset."

Hearing her voice made me cold and still inside. Suddenly my anger boiled up and ran all over the place. I started out sarcastically, but finished in pure hate.

"Oh, it's you. Yes, I am just a wee bit upset Dawn. I think you know the reason why I am upset too. At least, you should know. Come what may, I loved you with my whole heart, and you stamped all over it. God damn you. Double God Damn you, you whore."

I slammed the phone down and sat next to Lynn, holding her in my arms. The phone started to ring again and I jerked the cord out and threw the whole thing across the room where it hit a door jam and blew into pieces. Thousands of pieces.

"Can you ever forgive me Dave?"

"There's nothing for me to forgive you for Lynn. You did what you felt had to do, and I came this far with you. I know that I love you. I may not be married much longer and I don't know what will happen. If...and this is a very big if, but if Dawn comes home and says and does the right things immediately, I may stay with her. I doubt she'll do that though. I'm really not sure who she is anymore. I don't want to hurt you, nor do I want to keep you waiting in the hopes that we'll divorce. You're young and you should be with someone more your age. As much as I love you and as much as I know I'm being stupid right now...you need to back off as do I. We need space and time to see what happens and where we'll end up."

"I'll wait forever for you Dave. You're the only man for me...I know that now. I'll wait forever."

"Don't say it. Don't say that. Lynn, things change. You'll change. There may be no 'us' after things settle down."

"If you leave her...you'll at least give me a chance to prove my love for you?"

"You've already done that Lynn. Days ago. You have no need to prove anything to me. I need to be able to prove to you... that's the thing. If we are to be...it will come to pass. You have to believe that. In the mean time...you need to live your life. I can't promise anything right now. I need to cool my feelings, my emotions and at least talk things out with Dawn first."

"I understand Dave. I really do."

She hugged me close, kissing me softly. I kissed her back, holding her tightly in my arms. I knew that I loved her too much at that moment. I also knew that I still had love for Dawn. I had hard choices to make and now that Dawn knew that I knew about her affair, those choices could be easier or tougher. I didn't know.

Surprisingly, Dawn was home the next day. Evidently her 'client' settled for what they had done and let her go. She came in, eyes red, tears still on her cheeks. She was barely able to talk.

"Y-y-y-ou know."

A statement. Flat and dead in the silence of the house.

"Yes. Found out a little bit ago. You knew she'd tell me...didn't you?"

"I guess I hoped more than knew. I was doing you wrong...and there is no excuse."

"You got that right at least."

"I still love you, believe it or not. I'll do anything to keep you. Anything."

"That's the second time this week I've heard that. I believe the other person that told me that over you right now."

I saw the confusion on her face. She wasn't aware of Lynn...yet. I wasn't to say any more about her either. That would be up to Lynn, or if things didn't work out between us, it would just 'be' when we were seen out together at some point. If Lynn and I became an item, I would not hide anything from anyone.

"So what happens now Dave?"

"I've filed for a separation."

"Separation? Not divorce?"

I could hear the hope in her question.

"Don't get your hopes up dear. Separations usually end in divorce, those are the odds. You know that. I think that you have a lot of thinking to do, as do I. I can't think with your...presence in my home. You'll need to move somewhere else while the separation goes on. Perhaps your parents place?"

"Understood."

"I only have one...question. Your diaries didn't cover it too well."

"My diaries? You read them? You read my diaries?"

I was surprised by the sudden anger that surfaced in her voice.

"After what I found out, of course I did. I had to know in your words...from your heart...what you were thinking. After all, what if you lied to me about loving me too?"

"NO...DON"T EVER SAY THAT. I LOVE YOU. I do love you. I'm not lying about that. I do love you more than anything in the world."

"Anything...but not anyONE."

"NO...there is nobody I love like I love you. You're the only man I love Dave. Please...believe..."

"A liar?"

I began to quote some of the things she'd said to me over the last year.

" 'Dave, I have to go to Boston for work...a client needs my help.' 'Dave...I'm off to Boston again. It will be a week long deal this time.' 'Sorry honey, I have to be in Boston for the next two weeks.' At what point were you going to just leave and not come back Dawn? Do you really believe that he'd want someone who so easily cheated on her first husband for a wife? You're supposed to be an educated person yet you've acted like your brain has been surgically removed or something."

"How much more do you know?"

Dawn had collapsed on the couch where I'd almost had my only marital affair. I was surprised she couldn't sense it yet.

"How much more do you think I know? I hired detectives. DETECTIVES for CHRIST'S SAKE. To spy on my wife. My loving almost-a-nun wife. Not only is my wife not celibate, she's a God-damned whore for some asshole in Boston, meanwhile her and her 'bible' are helping her to keep me, my family and our friends and coworkers in the dark. You're a real piece of work Dawn. You intentionally went out of your way to keep me in the dark along with everyone else, and have your cake...your lover...too."

She was crying hard now. Suddenly I realized that if I kept up my anger I could possibly end up feeling nothing for her. Before, to see her crying like this would have cut me to the bone...my soul would have been in deep pain. It was an enlightening time for me. I knew then that where we were headed could be a very dark place. I couldn't forgive and forget. It was too much...it may have gone too far. There was possibly no road back because Dawn may have destroyed the bridge between us almost completely.

"I was thinking the other day that we might be able to fix things Dawn. I just now realized that may not be possible. What I felt and thought for you has left me, at least for right now. You're someone I don't know...a stranger. I don't know when it happened, but you fell out of love with me...and then you intentionally went out of your way to keep your tawdry affair a secret."

"NO! I've never fallen out of love with you. This affair has killed me the whole time. I love you so much, and I know I've hurt you but..."

I was having a hard time keeping myself in check but I tried.

"You never had any intention of quitting this affair with him. Matter of fact, I think you were looking for a way to make me the bad guy and divorce you all along. Is that it Dawn? You wanted a divorce but couldn't face the seriousness of facing me with it, so you set me up to be the bad guy and have to ask for it due to...your cheating? Or were you hoping I'd cheat on you after I found out and then you'd have ammunition to shoot me down with it? I'll bet that's it. In either case, you're about to get your divorce. I've filed for separation, but I may be going to change over from the separation to the divorce tomorrow morning. My lawyers should have it all ready to go anyway."

"NO, please not that Dave. I don't want to lose you. I don't want a divorce. I'm...I'm sorry Dave. You didn't deserve this. I do love you though. You know that if you read my diaries. Please, don't throw away all our years together over this. One chance, that's all I'm asking for. It just happened, at a time that had too many things going on to be able to see what it was I was doing to you...to us. You're the one I want Dave, nobody else. I broke it off with him...last night. Please...PLEASE."

"Yeah. You love me...but not enough. Not enough to have been a good wife...not enough to have given me that bit of yourself you gave him...not enough to fight off temptation and stay faithful. Can't you see that what you did with him during this last year was taken, STOLEN...from me? From the two of us? Is there an 'us' anymore? You've never had an equal sexual drive to mine, yet you managed to do this? Because why? WHY Dawn? Why? You know what? You need to pack your things and get the hell out. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour or so. You need to be packed and gone before then."

I turned and left. Walking out was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but I had it to do. My state was one of anger and hate. That hate scared me to death. I loved her, yet I hated her all at one foul time. I could hear Dawn behind me as I the door closed, begging me to stay and talk. In my mind all I could think was, 'What is there to talk about? It's over...done.'

I got back a few hours later. Dawn and her things were gone. I checked the garage and saw that most of her stuff was still there, but she'd taken a few boxes I'd put there. I went back inside and sat at my desk. I wasn't thinking. I was numb.

I asked myself how had my life gotten so messed up so fast? It was hard for me to realize that only two weeks ago I'd been a happily married man, life was great, I had a great wife, a wonderful home, and good friends. Tonight I was on the verge of losing it all. My whole life felt like it had become some kind of fantasy nightmare.

Was life always such a thing? Was life just illusions that are crushed with reality every so often? Was man meant to be unhappy even in the best of times?

I remembered holding a naked Lynn on my lap only a short time ago and just the thought caused my cock to stir. I'd actually held a young, beautiful woman, naked in my arms, on my lap, and refused to do anything sexual with her. I'd held to my vows, why in the hell hadn't Dawn held to hers? I just couldn't understand what had happened to her.

I didn't sleep at all that night.

The next morning Lynn stopped by on her way to work. I could see things in her eyes. Un-asked questions, love, caring, and a host of other things too. It was an awkward visit.

"Hey Dave. Thought I'd stop by and check on you."

"Morning Lynn. Kind of out of the way for you isn't it?"

"No. Not when someone cares for somebody like I care for you. How'd things go last night?"

"She's moved out. Took her things and left. I don't know where to, and to be quite honest right now, I don't really care."

"Yes you do. You love her Dave. I can see the pain in your heart just by looking into your eyes."

"Well, it does hurt Lynn. You know."

"I know."

"Have a good day at work, okay?"

"I will. Are you going to be all right? You know what? I think you need to get out tonight and have dinner somewhere. How's about I stop by after work and we go out to that little Mexican café' down by the ball fields?"

"I don't think I'll be much fun."

"We can talk. Dave, I'm here for you, but you have to want to help yourself in this too. Dawn cheated on you and you need to figure out what it is you want to do. I'll help you though I'll be honest with you too...I care for you more than a little. You know that. I'll try to be as honest and straight forward as I can, but I can't promise that I won't throw myself at you every chance I get either. Just so you know."