Who I Am Ch. 06

Hello There! I am so so so very sorry that I have been gone for so long. I know I may have lost some of you, but I intend to earn you back as quickly as I can. I humbly present to you the last chapter of -Who I Am.

To fully understand this story, I suggest you start with chapter 1.

For those of you who are enjoying Karen's story, this is not the end. I have started part two of her story which I will post shortly after this one comes online. It will be posted in the Romance category. I can't commit to a story every couple of days or every week, but you can count on seeing something from me at least twice a month.

I look forward to reading all of your comments and pray they don't beat me up too bad in the Romance section. As always, I appreciate your votes, favorites, comments, and emails. Keep checking back because the next story will be posting soon!

Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. My proof reader wasn't available.

All copyrights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means including electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system without specific permission from the author.

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Jamie's Perspective

I am not an overly emotional person unless Karen is involved. You'd think that almost a decade would allow for healing and maturity. For me, it hasn't. I am so fucked in the head right now. I've wanted this moment so bad. Sex with Karen whether she was a virgin or not is something I have craved since my last failed opportunity. I could never tell my friends but, I'm her bitch.

I am a B-I-T-C-H. All she has to do is look at me I will bend over, spread it wide, and accept her next move with a smile.

Is she fine as hell? YES.

Is her mind amazing? YES.

Is her pussy the best shit I ever felt in my life? HELL YES!

Does she want to be with me? I don't know...That 'I don't know' is the reason I needed to get the hell out of her house. I felt like a sixth grader who takes a kindergartener's lunch money. She said she wanted it; and to my surprise she acted fine afterwards. But I can't trust that. Virginity is a hell of a thing to hold on to until you're almost 30. But man, every time I think about that tight, wet, warm shit she has, I am grateful as fuck that I got it first.

Now that I'm turning back on her block I need to consider if gratefulness or guilt drove me back here. If I am able to talk with her this one last time, and she doesn't freak out; I'll be relieved. Then I'll know that we may have made a connection. Even with all of my uncertainty, I am certain we should try again.

I park my car and enter her garage through the opened door. Just as I was going to knock on the door, I saw her sitting in the car through the corner of my eye. I cannot describe the death glare gave me when she noticed it was me standing there. I could swear she saw red because she quickly hopped out of the car like a person ready to fight; and I can't deny I was little scared. Then she blindsided me with a hard ass slap across my right cheek.

"What the fuck, Karen", I was barely able to get the words out before she literally bitch slapped me on the left side. I gave her the 'are you crazy' look but that didn't stop her from gearing up for a third- Not again girl. And right then I decided we were going to use all this energy the right way.

I grabbed her right wrist and pinned it above her head against her Porsche. After clasping her left wrist at her side, I leaned in as close to her face as I possibly could without touching and apologized. She didn't utter a word but she let loose the silent waterworks like a mother fucker. I hate to see girls cry, especially this girl. I closed the balance of space between us and kissed her with all of my passion and confusion. I could feel her trying to resist but she was unable to maintain for long. After feeling her totally relax, I released her wrists and enveloped her in my arms. She is so fucking soft. Nine years didn't mean shit. She still has me. And I have to be in her right now.

I don't care about tomorrow or her current reservations. I picked her up and she gloriously wrapped her legs around me.

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Karen...

How I've traveled from furious to fucked in 30 minutes is beyond me. Excuse my language, but that is what is happening to me right now. I am confused, but I'm not complaining. I am lying to the world if I try to pretend like I didn't want this to happen. I want to be exactly where I am- On my kitchen floor with my panties forcefully pulled to the side, and Jamie Johnson plundering my body. The satisfaction of his return has cooled the flames of my anger, at least for now. The thoughts of the sex with me being wack are totally dispelled. He came back for me. I consumed him and he returned to me.

He. Said. Yes.

"Karen, open your eyes. Look at me." I hear him pleading, but I can't. I am still trying to understand what is happening. Well, I understand what is happening on a physical level, but I don't know what is happening to my head. If I open my eyes, he may discover my turmoil. I don't want to expose him to anymore of my weakness. He has my body and that is all he can have. "Karen, baby, please", Jamie continued to beg, "I need to know you are really ok with this".

Okay, if all he needed to know is that I wanted this as much as he did, I could show that. I could mask everything else and just show him that I was fine with what was going on. Happy really, happy I wasn't broken, happy I didn't like sex enough to become a slave to it, happy it was him that claimed me. So, I opened my eyes and breathlessly whispered, "Thank you for coming back". His response, shocked me. He grabbed my head with both hands, kissed me softly, and pulled out of me. I thought I'd cry immediately. Yeah, I was going through some stuff in my head, but it wasn't fully directed at him. To top it off, what male ego doesn't want to be thanked for bringing the dick over? I didn't know what was about to happen next, so I tried to get in front of it the best my cluttered mind could.

"Jamie, what's wrong? Don't I make you feel good?" Yeah, that came out a little more insecure than I wanted, but hey give me a break, I'm an emotional roller coaster. I just lost my virginity, unexpectedly woke up to an empty bed, and now a clearly aroused man is choosing to stop having sex me mid swing. I'm definitely not riding the peak of security here.

"I'm sorry for letting this happen this way", Jamie whispered laced with guilt.

"Jamie, it's ok. I didn't say 'no'."

"No, but I should have. You just did this for the first time last night. I came back to apologize for how I left things, but after that little exchange in the garage... I just had to have you. There is so much more I can say. Just know that in this moment, I think more of you than a kitchen floor fuck."

What do you say to that? Thank you? I appreciate your caring? None of these truly matched my emotions. So, I decided to go with self-preservation. I sat up without righting my dress or panties, looked Jamie straight in the eyes and told him the version of truth and fiction that I felt most comfortable with. "I can't deny that I was upset this morning. I was even furious when you came into the garage. But, I've had some time to think about everything that's happened. I've known you for a long time and you are the person I felt most comfortable sharing my body with without a title and no strings attached. I knew you'd be a gentleman and you didn't let me down. You have no moral obligation here; that ended nine years ago. We can choose to just enjoy each other until we don't want to anymore", I stood up never breaking eye contact while walking backwards towards my island. I hopped on the counter lifted my dress and pulled my panties as far to the left as possible. "Right now, I want to. You don't have to be guilty. I'm not on the kitchen floor anymore and you owe me an orgasm."

His face was between my legs in a millisecond. I wasn't expecting him to do that but hey, it was a sure way to pay his debt. That was confirmed as he covered my entire sex with his mouth. My upper thighs were resting on his upper arms ending with his hand firmly gripping my waist. He parted my lips with is tongue and licked my clit with firm flat pressure. It felt amazing. After two more licks, he suckled my clit while lightly tracing my entrance with his index finger. I hissed out my pleasure. It felt great but it wasn't enough. "Please, put it back in Jamie. I need to feel you."

I felt his head shaking no as he continued to suck my clit. The extra stimulation of his head movements pulled me closer to the orgasm I was seeking. Noticing my excitement, he inserted his finger and vigorously moved it up and down creating a vibrating sensation. That was it for me and I couldn't help but scream my pleasure at the top of my lungs. I have never felt so good before and the aftershocks had me dizzy.

As I finally willed myself to open my eyes, he was right in front of my face staring at me. It felt almost uncomfortable; so to ease my nervousness, I simply smiled. He returned my smile and said, "I really enjoy being with you Honey". It sounded so sweet to my ears, then I remembered he hadn't had the chance to come yet.

"I enjoy being with you too, JJ. That was incredible", I wrapped my arms around his neck and continued, "Now I want to make you feel incredible too."

"You already have. But, if you really want to make me happy, you'll let me take you to eat."

I want to say yes, but something in my heart is hesitating. Why didn't he want any physical relief? I was more than willing to let him back inside me. In reality, all of this physical emotional combination was becoming a bit overwhelming for me. I had to take a moment and really think about what was going on. I had offered to essentially be his sex partner until we decided that we should go our own separate ways. But he was acting like he wanted to get to know me again and treat me special. I hadn't exactly contemplated a special situation for the two of us. So, I needed to take the reins for the protection and sanity of the both of us.

"Thank you for the offer Jamie, but I am not feeling to hungry. It has been a really long day for me and I just want to call it quits..."

Before I could continue he interjected, "Ok, we'll order in and watch some movies on Netflix".

"I'm sorry JJ. I am not trying to be rude, but I think I just need some time alone to think."

"Oh... Yeah, of course. Um...let me just use your restroom and I'll be out of your way."

"Sure", I whimpered trying not to tear up. While he was in the restroom, I went to my bathroom and cleaned up a bit. At this point, I was exhausted and of course Macy's was a lost cause. I wanted losing my virginity to uncomplicate things, but it appears that complications have to follow me. I don't want to make a split decision. I just want to be free for a while. The whole point of being with Jamie was to feel less inhibited sexually; not to tie myself down with the first guy. Don't get me wrong, Jamie is sweet and I really couldn't ask for much better. But I can't help to think that he couldn't make me cum from sex for a reason. That reason being we are not meant for each other. I definitely need to get 'out there' and see if there is someone else meant for me even if it means losing Jamie. When he comes out of the bathroom, I am going to tell him just that.

"Honey? Can I talk to you for minute", Jamie asked through my closed bedroom door. I opened the door and just stared at him. Maybe this was rude but he is the one who said he needed to talk to me. "Honey, I can understand you are riding many emotions. I am too."

"Thank you for your understanding Jamie. I do feel very emotional here. But most importantly, I need you to know I don't regret on moment we've spent together. Mainly because I've learned one valuable thing. I don't need sex. I especially don't want to feel like I need it from you just because you were the first guy to visit." There, I said it. I couldn't let him take my virginity- walk out- fuck & suck me- and charm his way back in all within a 24-hour period. I can't deny that I'm feeling very strongly towards Jamie, but I'm still not certain he is the one I need.

I had to steel my resolve. He was only here to do me a favor which is now done, twice over in fact. Now I must let him go so I can find the man that is actually right for me. A man whose heart I didn't break, a man I didn't have to coerce into my bed.

"Damn Honey! That was harsh."

"I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just speaking my truth."

"Well here's my truth Karen. I've had a great time with you. I apologize again for the initial aftermath. I didn't anticipate being flooded with all these feelings after being intimate with you. I need you to know I want you. I want us to try again."

"Ok Jamie, you can stop having pity on me now. Everything you just said was lovely. The fact still remains you are dating someone and I'm just confused. I am not ready to take a chance on us. If we're meant to be, time will tell us."

"Time? You're talking to me about time? It has been 9 fucking years. 9 years and I feel just as connected to you as I've always been. I know you Karen. You are not the fuck and flee type. Stop being scared and come to me like you know you're supposed to."

"That's just the post sex euphoria talking. And now you know why I am so confused. Just go work things out with the girl you're dating and I'll figure out WHO I AM."