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Click hereConnie was right, I now had two whores sharing my bedroom, and I got to look after both of them. I would certainly need a lot of energy now onwards.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My mind was still occupied with my personal whores. I knew that night was not over yet. My personal whores would soon be ready for another round of mind-blowing session.
Life is never easy for a man who has two whores in his bedroom.
END
Basically a good story but the writing is in desperate need of editing (proof reading). Also, by your sentence structure and word choice (arse) I strongly suspect that the Kings English is not you primary language . . . .
This story has every element of a great, erotic story. But, you should have someone proofread your work. It would read so much better. And, the reader wouldn't have to pause so often. Other than that....the women in this story are smoking hot.
THE PREMISE OF THE STORY IS GOOD, AND WHILE THE CHARACTERS OF THE STORY HAVE AMERICAN NAMES, THE WRITER IS NOT AMERICAN. HE DOESN'T ACT, SPEAK, OR HAVE THE MINDSET OF AN REDBLOODED AMERICAN MAN. TOO BAD, BECAUSE THIS GUY WAS VERY CLUMSY, DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE HAD, WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, READY TO FUCK, EACH OTHER AND HIM. OH, WELL,
Story line itself and pace were good. I can usually let pass minor misused words etc, but felt the need to comment. Keep up the writing, but please find an editor or reread before submitting again. Just a little constructive criticism.
I loved it personally, had me hard from page 2 on. Wish I had a sister like that.