Why are You Trying so Hard? Ch. 03

This is the third and final (maybe) installment of "Why Are You Trying So Hard?". This story will not make sense if you don't read the other two stories first so, please, if you are going to read this story, and I hope you do, read the first two: "Why Are You Trying So Hard" and "Why Are You Trying So Hard?" Part 2, first.

I didn't intend to continue the story however, so many people wanted an "ending". During life, don't our stories actually continue to develop, ending only when we die? So, you could say all stories have the same ending...it's what happens before the end of a story that makes it unique and interesting. So here it is, the end of my story to date, I hope this satisfies those who wanted an ending.

Many thanks to oldnakeddad for editing. Considering what he had to work with he did an outstanding job.

Enjoy.

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"Why Are You Trying So Hard?" Part 3

A few years ago, I had decided to bare my soul and write a story describing my marriage. For me, to let my defenses down and share the pain and misery of my life, with everyone, was a very difficult thing to do. It was humiliating to let people know about living in a loveless marriage, to let people know how long it's been since I've made love with my wife...not days; not months; not years but nearly two decades (sixteen or seventeen years).

I had gotten very good at pushing the pain and misery into the back of my mind so I could function through day to day life without going into a deep depression. I was like the proverbial ostrich with its head buried in the sand...if I could hide from my problems by putting them in the back of my mind, maybe I could forget about them and they wouldn't exist...well, I could try to forget about them but they were always there.

Then came the idea to share my sad little story. Maybe it would be cathartic, maybe it would help ease my suffering if I had a shoulder to cry on or a friend to talk to so I wrote my story thinking those who read it, though I would never know who they were, would be my surrogate shoulder to cry on.

So, I wrote my story. I even shared a very unpleasant experience I had with my wife at the company holiday party. Telling the story of that evening went a long way to illustrate the state of my marriage and was sort of a wakeup call for me so I wrote my story shortly after that party.

My first story was received relatively well...some liked it and could relate to it while others hated it. I was surprised how many people demanded I "finish" the story. How can I "finish" my story when I basically told you the story of my marriage up to that point?

I mean, it's sort of like calling you at work, during your lunch hour, and asking, `what did you do today?' and you proceed to tell me everything you've done, so far, including explaining how good your ham sandwich was. Then I say, `yeah, but finish the story, what did you do when you got home?'...dumb thing for me to ask since you haven't finished your day, yet! How could you possibly tell me how it ended? That was my situation, I told everyone, through my story, where I was in life and in my marriage and everyone demanded I "finish the story". Well, my story wasn't finished yet because I hadn't lived to see the end of it, yet.

Another complaint was the lack of eroticism in my story...trust me, I'm living it (the lack of eroticism), I have the same complaint. So, anyway, I thought `what the hell, people seem to be a little interested and want something more' so I shared a little fantasy/dream I've had about a previous co-worker. Though I may have embellished a little with that story, it was based on truth. Well, that story really pissed people off! How dare I not "finish" my story and not only that...how dare I try to be cute with a cheap dream trick to fool people into thinking I was finishing the story. I can see how it could look that way but truly, that was where I was in my life/story.

Well, anyway, like I said at the beginning, that was a few years ago. A lot had transpired since then and I thought I would bring everyone up to date with my story. But please be warned, as I am writing what is basically the story of my life, you have to realize, when you get to the end of this tale, it is NOT "finished". It isn't finished because I'm not dead, yet. I'm still "writing" and living my life story, much like everyone else.

So, anyway, I continued to carry on...get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up and repeat. My relationship with Connie hadn't changed. We were cordial with each other, sometimes down right friendly and other times, depending on the stresses of life, more than a little short tempered with each other...not too much unlike every other married couple except for the whole lack of love, intimacy and sex. Connie and I existed, going through life day by day and once, maybe twice, a year, I would bring up the sex thing with Connie.

"Connie, why can't we have a normal marriage?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's normal for married people to hold hands sometimes, to kiss, to be intimate and to make love."

"Uggg, not the sex thing again. Steve, I've told you...I'm not interested and it isn't going to happen. Get over it."

That's how it always went. I wished I'd had the balls to do something about it but I didn't. Not only that, I still loved her...perhaps not as strongly as before...and I still believed in my wedding vows...I took them seriously so I carried on.

One Friday afternoon, I finished up my work and decided to head home early. As I have mentioned, Connie worked part time at the school and was usually home by two-thirty PM every day. Well, on that particular Friday, it looked as though I would be home by two-thirty PM, as well. I absently wondered to myself if I was actually going to beat Connie home or if we would pull into the drive at the same time.

When I was about a half mile from our home (we lived in a rural area), I noticed Connie's car ahead of me. It looked as if I'd be following her right into the driveway. I sort of chuckled to myself because when Connie drives, she focuses so much on the road ahead, she rarely notices other things around her, such as me following her in my car. That sort of scenario had happened more than once where I would be following Connie as we approached our house and she wouldn't notice I was behind her until I pulled into the garage next to her car before she got out. So, I grinned and wondered if it would happen again that time.

As we came to our house, for some reason, Connie didn't pull into our drive...what the hell? I was totally clueless! So, naturally, I kept following her. I know the rest of you are saying, `Bingo, she has a lover. That's why you've been cut off for so long.' As I followed her past our house, I honestly had not given a thought of her as a cheater...I was too bewildered as to where she could be going as there was no reason for either of us to drive past our house in that direction.

About a mile past our house, as I reached for my phone to call Connie, to see where she was going, her car slowed down and she pulled into a driveway. Why in the world had she pulled onto the Wilson's drive?

Jim Wilson was a math teacher at the high school and his wife, Ellen, was a nurse at the hospital. The Wilsons aren't friends of ours but we knew Jim from parent-teacher conferences when our kids were in high school. I didn't think I'd ever met his wife and I didn't know if Connie had either.

Anyway, as I drove by, I saw Jim Wilson waiting inside the door, Connie hadn't had time to get out of her car, yet. I didn't slow down, I kept driving down the road a bit, turned around and drove back. Connie was not in her car and the door to the Wilson home was closed, presumably with Connie inside. I drove about a quarter mile further down the road and pulled off onto the shoulder.

`What the fuck is going on?' I know, I know! You are saying, `HEY STUPID, IT'S OBVIOUS!' But you have to understand, I'd been living with that woman for so long and had absolutely no sex, of any kind, or intimacy whatsoever. I would have bet my last breath Connie had no libido...none, zero, zilch. So, even at that point, it didn't occur to me she might have been having an affair because she had no interest in sex and for that reason alone, I would sooner have expected pigs to fly than for Connie to have an affair...it was beyond the realm of possibility.

Well, whatever was going on, I had to know what it was. You would have thought, since Connie having an affair wasn't on my radar, I would have had no reason to sneak around and try to "catch" her at something. You would think I would have driven back, pulled into the driveway and knocked on the door.

I didn't do that. I left my car on the side of the road and walked back...perhaps, on a subconscious level, I did wonder if Connie could have been having an affair. It was the middle of the afternoon, on a weekday, out in a rural area where there weren't too many people around, as you might expect in the city or a neighborhood, so no cars went by and the few neighbors they had looked to be all at work.

Rather than walk to the door, I went around back...I felt weird as I sneaked my way around a stranger's house to a large window and stopped short of it. What to do? I desperately wanted to look inside to see what might be going on but if I did, and someone happened to be looking toward the window at that moment, I would be seen. How would I explain myself for peeking in windows? I decided to go for it and slowly peeked around the window into, what appeared to be, a family room. It was a nice home, a little bigger than ours, that had a nice fireplace, with family pictures on the mantle, on one wall and A large couch, a couple of reclining chairs and a nice big screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the fireplace. Jim Wilson and Connie were standing in the middle of the room, holding each other in a very passionate lip lock. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

I quickly pulled back from the window and, with my back against the house, fell to the ground and sat there. I didn't understand, it was as if everything was spinning around me. I really couldn't come to grips with what I saw. I couldn't remember the last time Connie kissed me and there she was, trying to swallow this guys tongue.

After what seemed like forever, but probably not more than a minute, my emotions changed. I still couldn't reconcile what I saw with what was the reality of my wife cheating but the anger was coming...no, not anger, rage. Connie had denied me, literally, for years.

I didn't feel hurt, I didn't feel jealous...I only felt rage. It was as if the rage was radiating off of my body...I knew my face was red as I felt myself get hot and I was literally shaking. I took a couple of deep breaths to try to calm down and think...someone was going to pay! Jim Wilson? For sure but that wouldn't be nearly enough. In that moment, I decided lives were going to be forever changed. I didn't know exactly how, yet but lives would be changed.

I took my phone and carefully looked back through the window. They were still going at it as I started taking pictures of Wilson unbuttoning Connie's blouse. They were completely oblivious to anything except themselves so I continued to take pictures: as Connie's blouse and bra came off, then Wilson's shirt; as she broke the embrace and started to unbuckle his pants; as she dropped to her knees and pulled his pants down; as his cock sprang free and as Connie immediately took it into her mouth.

Was he bigger than me? Who gives a fuck? I took more pictures and video of everything! The blow job, them going at it doggie style, cowgirl and finally missionary. I got lucky with a great video of Wilson as he quickly pulled out of Connie and scrambled toward her face as she reached for him and a quick rope of cum splashed across her face before she engulfed his cock to swallow the rest of the load.

I didn't know if they were finished, or not, but I was. I quickly made it back to my car and drove around for a couple of hours, coming home at my usual five-thirty PM. Connie was watching TV when I walked into the house and barely acknowledged me, as was typical. I thought, `good thing she never affectionately greets me when I get home as I'm not sure how I would handle that'. We ate dinner in relative silence, as was the norm, and I went to bed at ten PM.

The next day at work, I plotted my retaliation. I had over fifty pictures and three good videos. I printed a couple of good pictures, for later that evening, and prepared some emails. Through Face Book, I was able to get the email addresses for Jim's wife, Ellen, for the school superintendent and everyone on the school board. I prepared emails to everyone...including every one of Connie's family and friends...with various pictures attached then saved them in my draft folder. I was going to send the emails to everyone but I didn't want anyone getting an email, and calling Connie, before I had my chance to confront her.

When I got home, Connie was again watching TV. At that time, I went to our computer in the other room and sent all of the emails then I went back into the family room, turning the TV off, to let Connie know the way things were.

"Connie, we need to discuss something."

"I was watching that, can't it wait?"

"No, I need to get something off my chest"

"Ok, what's so important?"

"Connie, why have you cut me off from sex all of these years?"

"Oh, god, not that again! I've told you, I don't have any interest and it isn't going to change."

"It's more than sex, Connie. There is no intimacy, we never hold hands, you haven't kissed me in...I don't know how long. It's like we are roommates rather than a married couple."

"I'm sorry, it's the way I am. I can't help it. I'll try to be a little nicer to you but sex isn't going to happen."

"Would you be interested in sex with me if I looked like Jim Wilson?" at which point I dropped the pictures I printed on her lap.

You could have heard a pin drop. Her face was white and she was completely speechless.

"I did my best to be a good husband. I provided for our family, you never had to have a job, I accepted you cutting me off even though I never stopped wanting to make love to you. That is, I didn't stop wanting you until yesterday."

"How....how'd you find out?"

"What difference does it make how I found out?"

"What do we do now?"

"WE?! There is no we, BITCH!" Connie gasped when I called her 'bitch', I'd never done that before.

"We are done! I don't care if yesterday was the only time, which I doubt, or if you've been having lovers our entire marriage. We are done!"

Connie started to cry. I'd only seen her cry a couple of times in our life...it was a very rare occurrence. At the same time she was crying, I saw the wheels turning in her head.

"What are we going to tell people?"

"I've already taken care of that!"

"What do you mean?"

"Email is a wonderful thing, you can share information with a lot of people, very quickly!"

"You wouldn't!"

"I already did!"

"Why?"

"Connie, I have never been angrier with anyone in my life. My love for you has been slowly dying since you cut me off all those years ago. Then, what I saw yesterday completely, and totally, finished it. I'm not proud to say it but, I have to hurt you. I know leaving you won't do it by itself...in fact, you probably would welcome that. So I let everyone know what a slut you are. Not only our family and friends but also Mrs. Wilson and the school, as well."

I packed some clothes, told her we were definitely over and as soon as I had a lawyer she would hear from him and left.

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I have no idea how Connie's family reacted to the news. I know Wilson's wife divorced him and he lost his teaching job.

Our divorce has been final for several months now. We live in a no fault state, so everything was split down the middle and I have to pay the Bitch way too much money every month for the next three years. My lawyer tells me there would have been no way I could have avoided it...oh well.

I now live in a small apartment and, since Connie took half of my retirement, I will probably have to work until I die. On the bright side, I've met a couple of nice ladies I see regularly...I prefer a regular girlfriend rather than picking up strangers from a bar. I'm not looking for a commitment, only someone to date. They know that and they know I'm not exclusive with them and I don't assume they are exclusive with me, either. We don't have sex every time we date but it happens enough. Honestly, I feel like I'm in heaven.

Oh, remember Beth, the lady I worked with years ago and whose husband took a job in another town? Well, I ran into her the other day. To make a long story short, it seems while she was keeping the home fires burning, her husband was fanning other flames at his office and they ended up divorced, too. Beth and I have dated a couple of times, we haven't slept together, yet but I think it could be coming. I know I said I wasn't interested in a commitment but, if things progress with Beth the way I hope, I might have to cut the other two ladies loose. I can definitely see myself committing to Beth...if it goes that way.

Wish me luck.

So, that's more of my story. Is it the end? Well, no! Life goes on...doesn't it?