tagReviews & EssaysWhy I Hate Canadians Ch. 02

Why I Hate Canadians Ch. 02


Some people think that I'm kind of strange. Especially out here in the town of Ottawa, the dreary capital of Canada. All because I like to be myself. The name is Stephen Saint Vincent. Born in the City of Cap-Haitien, Republic of Haiti. I grew up in the City of Boston, Massachusetts. I identify as Haitian-American. And I am fiercely loyal to both halves of my cultural identity. In the Confederation of Canada, both Haitians and Americans are reviled by the fake-smiling, bigoted locals. Haitians and Americans are hot-blooded, fun-loving and lively. Canadians are cold, dull and zombie-like. And they hate us because we simply love being alive. That's why I have no problem telling Canada's meek, passive-aggressive citizens exactly what I think of them when they piss me off.

I have met some interesting folks since moving to Canada. For the record, I'm only here to make some money and get my degree. Once I'm done, I'm running back to Boston so fast your head will spin. Simply put, Canada is boring. I'm holding out some hope that the bigger and more diverse Canadian cities of Toronto and Vancouver will be livelier and better than paltry little Ottawa but I doubt it. Canadians are boring, small-minded and intensely xenophobic. The average American is far less racist than the average Canadian. The damn Canadians beat you over the head with their diversity and multiculturalism crap but if you pay close attention, you'll notice that they're all bigots who hate people of color. There are no exceptions.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people from Africa, the Middle East, the Caribbean, China, India and Latin America move to the Confederation of Canada. They come here in search of better lives. What they don't know is that while Canada claims to welcome newcomers, it does everything it can to ensure that they don't advance socially and economically. Canada wants to keep the immigrant in a permanent underclass if he or she isn't White. Canadians of European descent are afraid of the highly educated and capable foreign people who are moving into their icy wonderland every year. That's why they try to trip them up every chance they get. A man or woman with a University degree from a foreign country will have a hard time finding work in their field while living in Canada. Simply put, the Canadian hates competition.

Luckily, I have a degree in Criminal Justice from the University of Massachusetts in Boston. Canadians hate Americans but are actually in awe of our institutions. Canada will never produce schools as fine as Howard University, MIT, Princeton, Cornell, Yale, Morehouse College, Harvard University, Wabash College, Spelman College or Wellesley College. Thanks to my schooling in Boston, I was able to find work in my field, sort of. I work as Division Manager of a Security Agency in Ottawa. The pay is okay, I guess. I'm doing this while attending Canada's Capital University. I chose Carleton University over the University of Ottawa because Carleton is more diverse. Lots of Africans, Asians, Arabs, Hispanics and others send their sons and daughters to Carleton University. The University of Ottawa is lily-White, elitist and deeply bigoted. Not my kind of place, that's for bloody sure.

Folks, not a day goes by that I don't miss my hometown of Boston. Why do I miss Boston? It's a big, lively metropolis where anything is possible. Boston is where resides Deval Patrick, the first African-American Governor of Massachusetts. It's where Gay Marriage first became legal. It's also where you'll find plenty of successful Black, Asian and Hispanic politicians. Boston is quite diverse too. Fifty percent of all Bostonians are folks of African-American, Asian, Hispanic and Arabic descent. As a big and tall young Black man, I can walk around downtown Boston without being stared at like I'm some kind of alien. I can't do that in Ottawa. The fake-smiling, deeply bigoted White men and White women who live in Ottawa seem allergic to my beautiful Black skin.

Canadians are the most bigoted and hypocritical people on the planet Earth. Somehow, they've managed to fool the entire world into thinking they're all nice people. If you're a smart, educated and ambitious person who isn't White, please avoid Canada. Nothing scares a Canadian quite like an educated, intelligent and ambitious person of color. For them, it's like seeing a cobra. In America, smart, educated and driven people of color are provided with certain opportunities. Not because Americans are not bigoted ( lots of them still are ) but because the American businessperson cares about profit first and foremost. The American businessperson will hire a person of color with a College or University degree and the right qualifications simply because they want to make money. The Canadian businessperson would rather lose billions of dollars and watch his or her national economy collapse than to give jobs to people of color.

Yeah, and that's one of the many reasons why Canada will remain an insignificant nation. They will never rival America in technology, military might, population or sheer grandeur. Canadians are small-minded, dreamless and completely and utterly dull. You'll find a unicorn and a flying pig before you meet an interesting person in the Confederation of Canada. Canadians are about as interesting as watching wet paint dry. If you find a Canadian who is interesting, he or she is probably a foreigner who only recently became a permanent resident or citizen of Canada. Sorry if that shocks you folks, but that's the way it's got to be.

You can easily spot a foreigner when walking around the Confederation of Canada. How? Let me make it clear for you. Canadians differ greatly from ordinary people from other parts of the world. Canadians are dull and boring. They walk around like zombies. Every Canadian male and Canadian female walks around like they're either going to a funeral or coming from a funeral. These people don't smile. They don't laugh. I don't think Canadians are happy to be alive. There's an almost funereal gloom hanging over each and every last one of them. In America, you'll find men and women of all colors and backgrounds who are lively, hearty and totally awesome. In Canada, the lively person is the anomaly and the zombie-like bozo is the norm.

Canadian women seem fascinated by me. As a big and tall, outspoken and manly, educated Black man, I puzzle them. I don't find Canadian women attractive, though. The immigrant women from Africa, China, Latin America and the Caribbean are hot. The others, not so much. Oh, and there's also a shortage of quality men in this dreary little country. Canada's population only grows because of immigration. Canadian men and Canadian women aren't a lively or pretty bunch. And they're quite boring. Oh, and they have very little sex. At least with each other. They really bore me.

If you want to meet interesting men or women, go to America, Mexico, Africa, the Caribbean or pretty much anywhere except Canada. Canada's population doesn't grow because Canadian guys are too busy using their Hockey sticks to bang Canadian women. So the Canadian population's growth rate remains low. In a few generations Canadians of European descent will be outnumbered by the descendants of immigrants from Africa, China, India, Latin America, Arabia and the Caribbean. And I think they know it. That's why they make life hard for those of us who aren't from Caucasian realms.

I have met some really intelligent young men and women at Carleton University. Who are they? The sons and daughters of immigrants from Africa, Latin America, China, India, the Middle East and the Caribbean. I admire these young men and women I see studying hard to prepare for their futures. I really wish Canada took better care of these talented young people. The sons and daughters of immigrant families outperform Canadians of European descent academically. They're always winning the top prizes academically. The Canadians are lazy and jealous, so they make life harder for these intelligent and driven descendants of immigrants. It saddens me. What pisses me off is that these young people hailing from immigrant families actually like Canada and seldom see anything wrong with this pale, stale, bigoted and boring little place.

Recently, an Earthquake rocked the City of Ottawa and the locals really panicked. They don't get a lot of quakes in Canada, I guess. Truth be told, I don't know why they're so upset. So what if something happened here? Ottawa is the most boring and bigoted City on the planet. Any other City on the planet is better than Ottawa. I'm only here because of school. I don't know why lively and diverse cities like America's very own New Orleans and the Republic of Haiti's very own Port-Au-Prince get hit by natural disasters while boring and stale cities like Ottawa continue to stand. Maybe someday that will change. Maybe Hurricane Katrina's twin sister will visit Ottawa someday and wash away all of the crap in this town. Decent and open-minded, lively people shouldn't live in that City. I truly believe they'd be happier elsewhere.

Only in Canada could the smartest graduate of the business program at a top University end up working in a fast-food restaurant. Why did that happen? The smart and educated young person in this case wasn't Caucasian. Does that surprise you? Canadians in the business and government sectors only give good jobs to White guys and White chicks. It doesn't matter if the White guy or White chick in question even has a degree or can even spell their own name, they'll be given a good job while the highly educated son or daughter of an immigrant family will be denied. I encourage the smart sons and daughters of immigrant families that aren't Caucasian to leave Canada altogether once they get their University degrees.

In the United States of America, we appreciate the highly educated, driven and ambitious person of color. We wouldn't be the Land of Opportunity if we didn't. Canada is the Land of Bigots, Land of Denial and Land of Fake People. Avoid it if you can. In America, we don't just preach about diversity. We actually practice what we preach. Our politicians are a diverse bunch. Our soldiers are a diverse bunch. Our schools are diverse. Our cities are all diverse. In Canada, they talk a good game about racial diversity and inclusion but never back it up. Hypocrisy seems encoded in their DNA. That's why they can't be trusted.

I'll soon get my degree and return to Boston. A beautiful City full of lively people of all colors. For now, I'm stuck in the Land of Zombies. Oops, I meant to say Ottawa. The most boring, fake and bigoted City in the history of humanity. Boston, my home, here I come. I'm counting the days until I can leave Ottawa. And I'll never come back. Not even if I were given Stephen Harper's job and Bill Gates salary. May God bless the United States of America, the best place on Earth, inhabited by the best people on Earth. As for Canada, who cares? Let them keep their fake multiculturalism, their bigotry along with their Hockey and maple syrup. In America, we've got something better. Real progress.

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