Why I Hated The Guy From The FBI Ch. 13


The doctor made the call himself, and explained the symptoms to the gynecologist. An appointment was made for that day, at 5 PM.

Once Celeste arrived, she had to fill out reams of paperwork, and then wait to see the doctor, while Philip waited nervously by her side.

Celeste was in the examining room for more than 40 minutes, and Philip was beside himself with worry. When Celeste came out of the office, she was holding prescriptions in her hand, and her eyes were red from crying.

He went and held her in his arms. "Is there anything I can do to help you? I will take you anywhere in this world, to get you help. We can fix whatever it is. I will not lose you, I love you too much."

"I am going to kill you, you bastard. Of all the things that you could have done to me, you had to do this. I now know why Ann was so upset with Charlie. All men should be killed at birth."

"Why, what did I do?"

"My wedding dress will not fit me, because of you. I am pregnant, you bastard."

"How can you be pregnant, if you are on the pill?"

"They are only 99% effective, you idiot. The way you have been screwing me; morning, noon, and night; you found a way through the 1%."

"Man, am I good?"

"You are a dead."

"Why, we planned on having children, didn't we?

"Yes we did; several years after we were married; not before we were married."

"Celeste, you are not Catholic. You have no restrictions on what to do with your body. I will accept whatever decision you make. If you do not want this child, and you want to rid yourself of it, I will not stand in your way."

"Are all men are idiots, or is it just you?"

"At this moment, I guess it's just me, because I do not know what I said to offend you."

"What are these things I have in my hand?"

"They are prescriptions, Celeste."

"If I was planning to terminate our baby, would I be holding prescriptions in my hand?"

Philip smiled at her and said, "I guess I am an idiot. I did not think about the prescriptions, before I opened my mouth. May I kiss the mother of my child?"

"Philip, if you ever say the word divorce to me, so help me God, I will kill you."

"Celeste, if you do not let me kiss you, I am going to spank you right here in the office."

She smiled at him and said, "That is a very interesting conundrum. However, seeing that I am pregnant, you may kiss me."

He did kiss her, passionately, as the lights in the office went out. The nurse came out to lock the door, and said to him, "Haven't you done enough damage already. Take her out to dinner and apologize for the next eight months of agony she is going to be in."

"Eight months; you are already one month pregnant?"

Celeste looked at the nurse and said, "I told you he is a genius."

The nurse replied, "I told you that all men should be killed at birth."

"How would we supply the planet with children?"

"We are women; the smartest and strongest of the species. We would find a way."

Philip looked at both of them and said, "I am leaving, if I stay here any longer, I may be dismembered."

The nurse smiled. "In this office, we only dismember one specific part of the male species."

Philip grabbed his crotch and ran out of the office.

Celeste and the nurse laughed at the way he ran.

Philip took Celeste to their favorite restaurant, and found Antonia and Frank eating there. They happily joined them.

Antonia asked Celeste to stop by to see her mother, because she had a $200 million problem, and this one was not in cash.

Celeste said she knew all about it, and she planned on stopping by over the weekend, when she knew Frank and she would be there.

The conversation between the four friends was jovial and wide-ranging, until Antonia noticed that Celeste was not drinking wine. She said to Frank, "Pay me."

"Why do I have to pay you, and how much do I have to pay you this time?"

"Celeste is pregnant and you owe me $500."

Celeste screamed at Antonia, "How did you know, you little insect, and I thought Frank's maximum was $100."

"Celeste, you are so easy. I only assumed you were pregnant, because I saw you drinking water, instead of wine. Thank you for verifying it."

"I hate every bone in your microscopic body. The only good thing about you is that little person growing inside of you. It is the only reason I do not take your head off right now."

"Are you calling my baby a shrimp? If you are, we are at war."

"My baby is smaller than your baby. Why would I call your baby shrimp?"

"You got out of that one gracefully enough, when are you due?"

"Ask Philip; he is the family genius."

Frank and Antonia looked at Philip; while he used his fingers to trying to figure out when Celeste was due to deliver their baby. Needless to say he got it wrong.

"Celeste is due in September."

"Philip, you are amazing. I am due in October."

"Can I help it if I want my son to be born sooner, rather than later?"

Frank was incredulous. "You already know it's a boy?"

"Of course, I would not have it any other way."

Antonia looked at Frank and begged, "Pllleeeassse?"

"Antonia, in this case, I do not think even the bishop would mind."

Antonia got up from her seat, walked around the table, and smacked Philip on the back so hard; his head nearly went into his pasta.

Celeste looked at her future husband, "Do not even ask what that was for, because if you do, I will hit you."

Philip looked around the table and said, "Gee, some people can't take a joke."

"How did you get Frank to bet $500?"

Antonia replied, "That was not my idea. My husband was absolutely sure you and Philip would not have children for a very long time, after you were wed. He was not even sure the wedding would take place in July, because one of you had very cold feet. When I got him to bet the $100, on the July wedding, and then said you would be pregnant before then, he opened his mouth and shoved both his big feet in it. He bet me $500 that I was wrong, and I accepted immediately. I think he grabbed his wallet as soon as I said 'Okay.'"

"Frank takes after his father and hates to part with money. His only problem is he is like you, Celeste. I can read him like a book. I know what he is thinking before he is thinking it. He will not play cards with me anymore. He will not play Scrabble with me anymore. Even though I let him deal, and let him mix the tiles, he swears I am cheating.

He is smarter than anyone I have ever met, but he cannot hide anything from me."

46. It just cannot be a "GIRL"

Rose did not want to go to Ann's wedding, however, Anthony said, "If I am in a deep coma, what would be keeping you here. I have my nurses and my doctors. It might look suspicious if you stayed. Go to the wedding, and have a good time. Stop in New York; see our friends, our children, and granddaughter. After you are there for a few weeks, or a month, you may receive a phone call advising you that there are signs that your husband may be coming out of his coma, and you should hurry back. A few days after you arrive, the press will be told, when I awoke, the first thing I saw where your eyes. A true love story if there ever was one."

"I told you that you were a hopeless romantic, Anthony."

"I almost waited too long to realize it, Rose. You must tell Vincent, while you were in New York, to buy the house between ours and his, if and when it becomes available. Have him tell the Micucci's not to put it with a realtor, and whatever the going rate is for our area, he will pay them 10% more for their home. I have a feeling he is going to need to connect all three of them together, before he and Donna are through having children."

"What are we going to do about that little problem below the basement?"

"It is no longer a problem, because the house is no longer ours. We only rent it. We have become world travelers. We will use that money as we travel from continent to continent, and country to country. The government can no longer ask where we got the money, because we got it from them. I will no longer have to go to work, anywhere; and I do mean anywhere, Rose. Alberto and Francesca are thinking of retiring to Costa Rica, because of its balmy climate. They will travel to New York, during the summer, to see their grandchildren. From time to time, we will visit them, when we are not in our new home, here in Milan."

"Anthony, please do not lie to me. If this is not the way it is going to be, tell me now. I would rather know now, than have my hopes and dreams dashed later."

"I swear on the life of our granddaughter, this is the way our lives are going to be."

Rose threw herself at Anthony, so hard; she knocked him and his chair backward. The chair broke, and they both fell onto the ground. If people were not around them, she would have screwed her husband, right there, on the patio floor.

Tony bit her ear and whispered, "Rose, the bullet did not kill me, but you are going to if you keep this up."

"Husband, take me to the bedroom, and I will fuck you to death."

He said, "There goes our world traveling," as he smacked her on her scarred rump.

"I do not care; I want to be in bed, with my love."

"What has happened to my prim and proper wife? Was I wrong all these years thinking she was only performing her duty in bed?"

"Anthony, you are so full of shit. My grandmother told me all Italian men want is three things from their wives: plenty of food, plenty of sex, and plenty of children. Then she said they could do without the children, if the sex is really great. I have been an active partner in bed with you since the day we were married. Never once have I heard you complain about my inactivity, as your partner."

"I believe my wife will have to go to confession this week or have her mouth washed out with soap, because of her language."

"There are things, in this world, that want to get into my mouth, which may never get there again, if this conversation continues."

"What conversation was that, Rose?"

"Your long-term memory may be a problem, Anthony. However, your short-term memory is very acute. I am going up to our bedroom. If you know what is good for you, I had better not be alone."

She was not alone; not for the remainder of the afternoon or the evening, or night. Neither of them surfaced until the following morning for breakfast, where she smiled happily, and he walked like a walrus out of water.

Rose looked bright eyed and bushy tailed, dressed in summer whites, from head to toe, even though it was supposed to be the Italian version of winter. Tony was dressed like a cloudy day, or more succinctly, looked like his mood. He was dressed in a dark gray sweat suit, and his posture was that of a man who had just finished the Iron Man Triathlon, and finished last.

He looked at his wife and could not understand how she could look so beautiful and be so happy, after they made love for 14 hours, off and on again; mostly on. If he had to go to work this morning, he would rip someone's lungs out, if they said hello too loudly. He wondered if the scientists were correct, when they stated that 'women were the stronger of the two sexes'; because at this moment, he wished he was in a coma.

After they ate breakfast, he conceded her victory, and told her he was going back to bed. He kissed her and said he would be back before dinner.

She told him that she was going to visit Gloria and Philip and would be back by the time he woke up. When she arrived at the Gennaro's home, she told them what had happened with Anthony, and asked if she could sleep in one of their guestrooms, because she was exhausted. However, she was not about to let Anthony know it. She wanted Gloria to wake her up at 3:30 PM's, so she could get back to the mansion before he woke up, and she could totally ruin his day.

Philip laughed. "Anything that makes Tony feel inadequate, is fine with me."

Gloria looked at her husband and said to him, "Philip, you are not being nice. Tony has been nothing but good to us since we got to Milan. Who else do you know that would generous enough to give you $5 million for the pleasure of shooting him?"

Rose looked at Philip, "I told Anthony to only give you $4 million, because you shot me, and it hurt. That $1 million should have come to me, instead."

Gloria laughed at Rose and told her if she wanted the $1 million, she could have it now, because the entire $5 million was still under their bed. They had not decided what to do with it yet."

Rose looked at them and asked, "What if there is a fire in the house?"

Gloria said, "Maybe Philip can shoot Anthony again!"

After they finished laughing, Rose went into the guest room and slept peacefully, for nearly six hours. When she arrived back at the Castronova mansion, Anthony was still asleep. She woke him up, venomously.

"Anthony, wake up. You have slept the entire day away, and left me all alone. If you cannot keep up with me in bed, just say so, and I will leave you alone. Your behavior today is inexcusable. Make yourself presentable and get dressed properly. If I see you in that sweat suit again, I will burn it, while you are still in it. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Rose, I understand. I will get up now."

"You had better not keep me waiting too long, I am so angry I could spit nickels."

"I am sorry Rose. I will shower, shave, and dress and hurry downstairs as quickly as I can."

Rose smiled as she left the room and closed the door. She thought to herself, "He should never have talked me into those 'acting lessons.' I am getting too good at them."

Early Sunday afternoon, Frank, Antonia, Celeste, and Philip joined Rose and Anthony for a light lunch and some business talk.

Celeste informed everyone, that a major Mortgage Holding Corporation would begin the process of looking for a buyer, by the end of the month. Its finances were so bad it could no longer hide them from the government, other banks, the stock markets, and the public. She said, "This is the beginning of the recession. Major and community banks would start falling like flies within six months. The federal deposit insurance company will have to bail them out, and protect the depositor's money. There is a possibility that the auto industry, in the United States, could fail. If it does, this recession could turn into a depression the size of the Great Depression of the 1930s, and the government does not have enough money to help the country to recover from it. If they allowed that industry to fail, people could be out of work for a generation. I am expecting a check for $36 million dollars from a very angry executive, who wants to speak with Antonia, and find out how she knew how this was going to happen so soon."

Antonia asked, "How much are you going to give me?"

"You are babysitting, remember."

"Girl, you are going to get soaked."

Rose asked, "What should we do with the money we received from the government?"

"Even my people are not sure what to do at this point. All my money is in defensive positions. When I asked them what to do with your new money, they told me to put the cash into safety deposit boxes, in the largest banks in Europe. That answered two questions for you Anthony:

First: Transport the $40 million, in the boxes, to Switzerland, and deposit it, in Rose's maiden name, into a private vault.

Second: Deposit the $200 million from the U. S. government, into a vault and comingle the money. Rose, you will advise the government, that you have deposited that money into two different vault's, in your maiden name. If Anthony dies of his wounds, you are going to revert back to your maiden name, and remain in Italy. You will do this immediately, if not sooner."

Rose said she would call the embassy as soon as both deposits were made.

"Anthony, can you provide secure transport for the $40 million?"

"Celeste, you are sitting in the house of a family that owns a bank. I think they can provide me with an armored car."

Celeste turned and hit Philip viciously on his arm. "Why didn't you tell me your family owned a bank?"

"You never asked me."

"Frank can I borrow your gun for a moment, please? I want to shoot a particular part of my husband off. I can raise one child alone; however I have to protect it from my defective husband."

Antonia looked at Celeste and begged, "Can I do it, please?"

Frank tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Baby, I do not think I could get that one by the bishop."

"Could you at least try for me?"

"I am sorry, little mother, but no I will not."

"I cannot even be angry with you for saying no to me. I have to pray that Celeste misses anything major the first five times. Then she can hit the bull's-eye, on her sixth attempt. I will be very happy when she does that."

"Antonia, I believe you will have to go to confession tonight, and give the priest the bishop's phone number. I believe you are going to get a phone call back from him."

"I am not slipping backward Frank, honestly I am not. It is just that Philip is such an easy target, and he is hurting my best friend. Getting rid of him now would save her from the future misery he would put her through. I will tell the bishop that it is my way of doing 'good works' for the church and its future."

"Antonia, I can hear the bishop laughing at you already. However, I can also hear the penance he is going to give you, after he reams you a new asshole."

"Well, someone has to ream my asshole, and it might as well be the bishop. You are too big to do it, without killing me."

Tony yelled, "That is too much information, Antonia."

"Why dad; should I tell everyone what mom tells me about your bedroom antics?"

"Rose, you do not tell her about us, do you?"

Rose put on her most innocent look and said, "Me, I would never do anything like that, would I?"

"14 hours dad, I did not know you had it in you."

"Rose, you and I are going to have a very long talk."

Celeste said, "No Anthony, Philip, and I are going to have a very long talk. He cannot last that long."

Philip rejected that notion. "I can too. I have lasted longer than 14 hours."

Celeste said, "I am sorry Philip, you are absolutely correct. You have lasted in bed for more than 14 hours. Of course you were sleeping for eight of them."

Everyone, at the table, laughed at Philip, good-naturedly.

He asked them all, "Is this get Philip day, or am I just feeling abused."

Rose replied, "It is both Philip. After the splendid way you acted at dinner the other evening, I believe you have earned this rebuke royally. When a man struts like a peacock, after getting his mate pregnant, someone has to pluck his feathers, and teach him a lesson he will learn for a lifetime. This is the beginning of your lesson."

"You mean there is more to come?"

"We will abuse you every day, until your baby is born. Then you will be abused in a different way. After it is born, your baby will do the abusing, not us."

"I never looked at parenthood in quite that way. I always pictured my son playing tennis, soccer, or out at the range shooting at targets, with me."

Celeste said, "Frank, give me your gun right now."

Philip asked, "What did I do now?"

Celeste asked the group around the table, "Who wants to answer this dolts question?"

Four hands were raised immediately.

Celeste picked Tony, because he was the oldest.

"Philip, I have come to think of you as the second son I never had. Now I know why. You would never have lived long enough for me to get to know you. You are so full of yourself that you never leave room for the possibility you could be wrong. You said, 'I always pictured my son...' Philip, did you ever consider that it might be a girl? You remember what that sex is for don't you? The reason you joined the gun club was to meet those fantastic, gorgeous ladies that you could get into bed, for a one-night stand. If it is a gorgeous little girl, I think I will pay the fees for her to get into the gun club, and watch as one of your former friend's sons takes her home, for an evening of fun; and then dump her off at your house, in the morning."

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