Why I Hated The Guy From The FBI Ch. 13

"Philip, kill him."

"Celeste, get real. Look at the size of Frank and then look at me. I would need a tank to hurt him. All he would need is his pinky finger to kill me."

"Men, they get you pregnant and then they desert you."

"I do not know what you are talking about Celeste. My husband is sitting right next to me."

"So is mine, Antonia. However, yours is a stud, and mine is a floor. Everyone walks all over mine; and everybody dreams of yours."

"I am willing to share, because he is way too big for me."

Celeste did not answer right away and Philip said, "Celeste, you promised."

"I know, I know, but a girl can dream can't she."

Frank said to his friend, "Philip, I am a one woman man. Right after Antonia has our baby; I will kill her and take Celeste off your hands. That way I can remain a one woman man."

Antonia chuckled because she knew Frank was kidding. However Philip was not amused. "Frank, I will get that sniper rifle and kill you."

Frank looked at Anthony and said, "He could have said anything else and I would have been worried. After seeing him use that rifle, I feel as snug as a bug in a rug."

To add insult to injury, Tony said, "I could be standing next to you Frank, and he would miss both of us."

"Would you two guys like to lay some money on that?"

"I think the grand would do Tony; would you think?"

"No, I think that is too little. Let's put some pressure on him and make it $5000. That would make him forget how to load the rifle, no less fire it properly."

"You are very funny guys. Frank, you leave my Celeste alone."

"Philip, don't be an ass. I will never touch her, because I love Antonia. Do not let your anger blind you from what you have in front of you. You talk about women like they are playthings, because you used to use them that way. You are not used to having a woman, who used to play with men that way. How do you like it Philip. Think of your daughter going out with a man like you? Think of having all your children being daughters."

Philip's eyes opened wide as he thought about that prospect. His head spun; and he fainted dead away.

Celeste screamed, "Frank, look what you have done to him. You made him think, and you overloaded his brain. He can only associate things with land and wine. Anything else is over his head."

Frank looked at her and said, "Don't you think we should do something for him."

Celeste looked at Philip lying peacefully on the floor and said, "Screw him, he is fine. He has got to realize that getting me pregnant is a 50-50 proposition. If it is not a boy it has to be the other sex. He has got to learn to say the word, 'GIRL!'"

Anthony, Rose, and Antonia were laughing up to storm as Philip started to wake up. He opened his eyes and saw Celeste and Frank looking down at him. Celeste said one word before he passed out "GIRL."

Frank looked at her and said, "Now you know how to get rid of him, if he is bothering you."

Celeste laughed, "Every cloud does have a silver lining."

While Frank and Celeste were talking, Antonia walked silently around them with a large bucket of ice water and started to dump it onto Philip.

At the last moment Frank saw her and yelled, "No."

Antonia did it anyhow.

Philip sputtered and screeched, because of the icy temperatures of the water, and threatened to kill the person who did that to him. He did not see Antonia, because she was behind him and beat a hasty retreat back to the table. He only saw Frank and Celeste hovering over him.

"I will get you two for that drenching."

Celeste looked at him and said, "Genius, look at us. Do we have anything on or near us that could dump water on you? Do not rush with your answer, think this one out."

"Celeste, pregnant or not I am going to take you over my knee and spank you. You are treating me like a child and I do not appreciate it. I am going to be your husband, and I wish to be treated with the respect due to that office."

"If you wish to be treated with respect, you must first earn it. Where is the object that we could have drenched you with, Philip?"

"I do not see one around here."

"Very good Philip; then someone else must have perpetrated this offense upon you. Think hard my love, would it have been Anthony Caruso? Would it have been Rose Caruso? Or might it have been Antonia Caruso Gennaro?"

"I would say it was Antonia, but she is all the way over there, by her parents."

"Have you seen Antonia run, Philip?

"Yes, she is very fast."

"Frank, I told you my future husband is a genius."

Frank helped Philip stand up and once he was steady on his feet Philip walked towards Antonia and asked, "Did you dump ice water on me?"

"I most certainly did."

"Why did you do that to me?"

"I wanted to try what Celeste tried on you."

"What did Celeste do to me that you now want to try?"

Antonia stood up, stepped up onto her chair, so that she was nearly eye-to-eye with Philip, and yelled, "GIRL!"

Philip did not fall down this time, but he staggered back three or four steps. Frank grabbed him before he hurt himself. The laughter from the five people around him; hurt him more than hitting the tiles on the floor would have.

He straightened up and said, "Alright folks, I get the message. I have some work to do on the issue of sex and babies. However, when my daughter's reach the age of 11, they are going into convent school."

Frank intercepted Antonia in mid-air, as she was going for Philip's throat. Only God could have saved him if she had gotten there, because she would have ripped it out with one hand.

"Baby, calm down; calm down. Please, let me handle this. Let me talk to him."

"No Frank, now I have to kill him. There is no excuse in the world you can give me for not killing him at this moment. No child is going to a convent school, while I am alive."

Rose and Anthony were horrified by Antonia's reaction to Philip's words. They knew she resented being sent away to the nunnery, but they had no idea that her resentment went that deep. They now wondered if they had scarred their daughter for life.

Rose walked over to Frank and said, "I have her Frank, I will take care of her. You talk to Philip; you talk to him good. Make sure he never mentions that again, when he is around her."

Antonia looked at her mother and wondered if she finally realized how traumatized she was by her years in the convent school. Those years were gone and could never be gotten back; however, maybe she and her mother could reconnect, completely.

It was not only Philip that was afraid, but Celeste was shaken by the venom shown by Antonia. Frank sat them both down and explained what had happened. It was not a short conversation; but a detailed one that went into the nuts and bolts of Antonia's psyche.

When he was finished, Celeste said, "Oh my God, that poor child."

Philip's comment was shorter and to the point. "Oh shit." He got up and started walking towards Antonia. Frank cautioned him to be very careful.

Antonia was tucked, safely, in her mother's arms, while her mother was whispering into her ear, and trying to calm her down.

Philip said, "Antonia, would you please go for a walk with me in the gardens."

Antonia did not want to leave her mother's arms, because she felt safe and secure. However, Rose started pushing her towards a standing position so she could walk with Philip. This friendship was too important to all of them to have one statement fracture it, permanently.

As they entered the formal garden area, Philip took Antonia's arm and hooked it into his. He did not talk for a little while and just let the peace of the area soak in. Finally, he said, "Do you know what the pH level of this area is?"

"No, I do not Philip."

"I do, because I have to know to keep it green and growing like this."

They kept walking, and he asked, "Do you know how much lime we have to put down to keep the grass from becoming overgrown with weeds?"

"No Philip, I do not."

"I do, because I have to know so the weeds do not take over the entire area. I could tell you 1000 things about this one area we are in, Antonia, but I could not tell you one thing about being in a convent. I had no idea what it was like for you in there. I had no idea of the trauma that you went through. Frank said that your parents did not even realize what you went through until recently. When I said I was sending my girls to the convent I did not think of it in a mean way. It was a father's way of trying to keeping his daughter's away from people like him. You heard what your father said about keeping true to your mother. I do not know how to say this other than to say girls were sport to me. The more I could have, the better I felt about myself. It meant I was more desirable, than the other guys. I never anticipated getting married, or having children. So the thought never bothered me about sleeping with a different girl or different girls on different nights. Now the thought of one of my daughters meeting someone like me terrifies me. What kind of influence am I going to be on a young girl, when she asks me how I handled dating, when I was her age? Celeste, at least, waited until she was 19. I started in grade school. As soon as it got up, I got going. I was 11 years old, and I was banging 16-year-old girls. The worst thing in this world that can happen to a man like me is to have a daughter. I know what men are like. I know every trick a guy will try to get into a young girl's pants. When I said I wanted to put my girl into a convent, I was only half joking; the other half was dead serious.

Antonia said, "Philip, you are looking at it all wrong. If you put your girl into a convent you are setting her up for failure. They will come out with no knowledge of sex, at all, just like I did. I had all the questions, and none of the answers. So I did what every other kid would do. I went on to the Internet and got all the wrong information.

I saw dogs fuck women, and I was horrified. I saw men brutalizing women and I was even more horrified. I saw women tied up, with their mouths filled with ball gags, being whipped and gang raped. This was my introduction to sex. I knew there had to be something better and more loving than what I was seeing on my computer. My brother, Vincent, was just like you. He brought home girl after girl, day after day, and my mother had no say in the matter; because my father condoned it. Why, because Vincent is a man, and if a girl let him do that to her, she was a slut. Those were my father's exact words. When my father was considering letting me go out to a movie, escorted by my new guard, Frank, he bought me the newest type cell phone. One day, I hid it in Vincent's bedroom, hoping to see what sex really look like, between a man and a woman. I got lucky; because that was the day Vincent brought Donna home. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Dressed she was beautiful, naked she was stunning. I could hear their conversation, and knew she was a virgin, because of it. I watched the entire episode, from beginning to end. I fell in love with sex, at that moment. I could not do anything about it but the thought of it was mind bending.

The great part about that day is that it changed Vincent forever. He had help from mom and me, but I believe he would have made the same decision, given a little more time. He got Donna pregnant after taking Donna's virginity and as you can see them today, they love each other deeply. I do not recommend it for everyone, I do not recommend it for anyone, but sometimes in very rare circumstances, it does work out. However, Vincent's first child is Annarosa; a girl Philip, a beautiful little girl. How do you think my brother is going to handle things, when she begins middle school and high school? Is he going to put a chastity belt on her? Is he going to put guards around her 24 hours a day? Or, is he going to bring her up, the best he can, and let her use her best judgment to control her own situations. You cannot keep a child in jail, let them out, and expect them to make sound, rational decisions. They have to be part of society, every day, so they can learn, and have their minds grow with it. That is what causes their parents hair to go gray and their father's hair to disappear. It is all part of the natural order of things, and all you can do as a parent, is prepare your children for every eventuality.

"Antonia, how did you get so smart? Was it all those years in that dank, dark room, with that single bed, without a window?"

"I had a window; I was just too short to see out of it."

They had been gone for so long Frank and Anthony were getting ready to send out a search party to find the grave one of them had dug for the other. When they emerged from the gardens, laughing with each other, there was a sigh of relief from everyone.

Celeste said, "It is good to see you are both alive and well."

Antonia replied, "It took me a while to get him up, but once he was up I kept him up for a long time."

"Philip, would you like to explain what 'Mini me' just said?"

"No Celeste, I think I will leave it right there, and let you figure it out for yourself."

"Philip, you are a dead man. ' Mini me', you and I will talk later."

"No, I don't think so. I worked so hard to get Philip where he is, I think I will go home because Frank is always up and I do not have to work so hard."

"Death may not become you, shorty."

"I am too tired to worry about that now. Keep those fake things away from flames and pins, until I see you next time. Maybe we will open up the expansion table and instead of putting the leaf in, we will put you on it, with your udders facing downward, and I will milk them for you. If that does not work, we can close the table and see if they pop."

"You are getting downright mean little person, I may have to flush you down the toilet."

"Oh goodie, water rides!"

"I liked you better when you were a tyrant."

"I love you too Celeste. I will see you next week; goodbye."

When Celeste and Philip got home, she had two phone calls to make. Marlon's was easy, and he was overjoyed for her. She knew the next one was going to be interesting to say the least. She showered and changed into her nightshirt and made herself a cup of tea. She went out on the balcony and dialed the number in California.

"Hello Ann is your pussy stuffed or can you talk."

"It is 4 PM, on a Sunday afternoon, Celeste. Do you think all Charlie and I do is fuck, all day?"

"Yes."

"Well you are wrong. Charlie and I have some very interesting conversations, every now and then. However, at this moment, he is discussing linguistics, with our child, through my vagina. So as long as we do not disturb him, you can talk to me."

"Okay, I only have one thing to say, and then I will hang up, if that is okay with you?"

"Go ahead, but make it fast, because the discussion is becoming very arousing."

"Okay, I am pregnant. Click."

"What!"

Ann nearly broke Charlie's neck, because of the way she moved. She screamed into the phone, "Say that again." However, as she listened all she heard was dead air on the other end of the phone.

She screamed again, "You bitch I will eviscerate you for that." She scrambled out of bed to look for her cell phone which had Celeste's number on speed dial. She hit the speed dial button and got a busy signal.

Ann screamed, "You did that on purpose bitch, hang up that phone or I will ring your neck."

She hit the speed dial again and Celeste answered sweetly, "Hellooo."

"You did this because you were jealous of me and Charlie."

"I am sorry, who is this?"

"If you don't stop fooling around I'm going to come back to Italy, and beat you to within an inch of your life."

"Oh this must be that bitch, who is going to be using my home for her wedding. Hello Ann, how are you. Is there anything new going on in your life?"

"Celeste, stop this shit and tell me what happened."

"I reacted just like you did, Ann. I wanted to kill the son of a bitch. I was still on the pill and he got me pregnant."

"Did you hear that Charlie, Celeste was still on the pill, and Philip got her pregnant?"

Charlie replied, "Man is he good."

Celeste said to Ann, "Tell Charlie I heard that, and Philip said the same thing when he heard I was pregnant. My reply was, "You are dead." In Charlie's case, I may just carry out that threat."

"You cannot do that Celeste, I love him."

"A few days ago you wanted to kill him. All I am doing is trying to do, is help you."

"A woman has the right to change her mind, and speaking about minds, what are you going to do about your pregnancy."

"I have several stories to tell you, but I will do that when I am with you. However, I am due in October, which means we have a very busy social calendar for this year. Your wedding is in April; Antonia's baby is due in June; my wedding is in July; your baby is due in September; my baby is due in October. It is a very unorthodox way to do things, but our babies are to be born into happy, two-parent households."

"This all happened because of that little pest of a friend of yours. If she had not gotten pregnant, neither would we. Our lives would still be footloose and fancy free."

"Ann, are you absolutely sure you would want it that way?"

"Celeste, I am scared to death. I do not know how to be a mother. Charlie is already mothering me. He keeps telling me he was a mama's boy, and not to worry about it. He will teach me everything I need to know. I knew he was a keeper, from the moment I met him."

"Doughnuts, frosted flakes and all, isn't that right, Ann?"

"You really know how to hurt your friends don't you, Celeste?"

"Charlie's tongue is probably cold, Ann. Let him go back to his linguistic exercises and talk to your baby. I will speak to you again soon, all right?"

"Alright blondie, please take care of yourself. Take your vitamins your baby's life depends on it."

"Yes mommy, I know; that is what the doctor told me. Goodbye."

Charlie looked up at Ann and said, "Three sets of friends, three pregnancies; what are the odds on that happening?"

"I have no idea, Charlie. However, Antonia and Frank were the only ones trying for a baby. Philip beat the pill to get Celeste pregnant.

Heaven only knows what you did to get this old broad's system working again to get her pregnant."

"Ann, if all old broads looked like you; more old men would be wearing smiles like mine."

"Charlie, my panties already off, and you have two fingers is in my asshole. You already have my body, and soul; so you do not have to flatter me."

"The truth is not flattery you sexy wench, nor is it puffery. It is just stating a fact."

"I love you Charlie, I have since the moment you told me you could cook."

"Flatterer."

The End

Chapter 13