Why Men Crave Denial

I went back into the garage and sat down and told Steve I'd done all I needed to do to prove I could be his Mistress, and that I'm really going to enjoy doing it. I deliberately left the cane in his mouth so he could only listen and not talk at this stage.

Are you convinced I'm strong enough to dominate you? He nodded enthusiastically.

Do you still want to be my slave along the lines we've discussed? More enthusiastic nodding.

After what I did to you tonight do you still want to suffer denial, frustration and punishment? Again, more eager nodding.

I said he could drop the cane now and I'd release him and we could fuck and cum. Again, I saw what seemed to be a flicker of disappointment. What the hell do men want?

I released him and was amazed at his reaction. He hugged and kissed me with such passion it felt like it did in our early days. He thanked me and told me he loved me over and over. He talked excitedly non-stop saying he would never have thought I would be able to really and truly dominate him, but he was ecstatic that I obviously can.

We went upstairs to our bedroom to give each other a good fucking which I needed as much as he did. I could never remember enjoying a fucking as much before.

When we came back down to earth we went back down to have our overdue dinner and later that night I asked,

"Well, was it what you thought it would be" I asked. He nodded without hesitation and said he couldn't wait for the next step.

I said I had been doing some reading and we would need some more equipment to enable me to enslave him the way I wanted. Steve was over the moon that I was on board with this and said "just tell me what you want honey and I'll get it."

I gave him a list

Cock chastity cage

Collars

An assortment of whips

A leg spreader

Some rope and chain

Handcuffs we already have

A dildo

A blindfold and ball gag

His eye's widened and I sensed his excitement as he read the list. He asked when we could do it again. I told him as soon as he gets the equipment, perhaps next weekend. I could see love and appreciation, even admiration pouring out of his eyes. I thought to myself, I'm going to enjoy this just as much, or even more than you Steve.

I said tell me something. I had you so desperate to cum to the point you were almost crying, but whenever I mentioned I might release you or let you cum I thought I saw a flicker of disappointed. What's going on there? Steve said he didn't know really, he just wanted his domination, frustration and suffering to continue and wanted to be made to beg and being made to wait and wait.

This fascinated me so I spent a lot of time searching for information on the internet. I finally found some articles that were informative and factual. I learned that chemical changes take place in the brain before, during and after orgasm. The effects are quite different for a man to that of a woman.

The articles explained men feel great pleasure when sexually aroused, and most would like to prolong that feeling, but he reaches a point where the compulsion to ejaculate overtakes him and it's virtually impossible for him to hold back. It's this irresistible urge that ensures the survival of our species.

Although extreme pleasure is experienced at the moment of orgasm, a man's orgasmic pleasure peak lasts for only a few seconds then he immediately feels emotionally completely flat. (Sexual pleasure over). So men experience great pleasure while in a highly aroused state, (the more highly aroused, the greater the pleasure).

But also the more highly aroused he becomes, the greater the urge and more quickly he'll reach orgasm and ejaculate. Then, because of the chemistry changes in his brain after he orgasms, it's all over for him, sometimes it can be days before normal levels of arousal tendencies kick in again. During this time, the attractiveness of sex and even his partner reduces to a lower level, gradually returning to normal until the next ejaculation.

It's practically impossible for him to control this natural, primal urge to ejaculate once aroused beyond a certain point. But most men want the pleasure of high arousal to last for longer periods, so fantasise about being controlled by another person who denies him an ejaculation while keeping him aroused.

Now the bondage, denial and chastity start to make sense. Sex and his Partner are extremely attractive to him when he's aroused, until he ejaculates. (How often do woman complain about the lack of interest after sex)

The only way for a man to stay highly aroused for prolonged periods is not to ejaculate. Therefore, prolonged high arousal and sexual pleasure can only be achieved by men that are forced to abstain from ejaculation. Some men find being locked in a Chastity device gives them a constant lower level arousal that they enjoy, and causes them to retain a higher level of attraction to sex and their partner, especially if the length of time is determined by his key holder.

This can lead to a desire of being completely dominated and controlled. Bondage, slave training and punishment in various forms is the basis of this.

So what does all this mean? My interpretation is that when a man being controlled pleads to be allowed to orgasm, at that moment he desperately really does want to, and his pleas are real. But he is also getting extreme pleasure from being held at such a high level of arousal.

When at that high level, his primal to ejaculate would be irresistible. And if he were able, he would make himself orgasm, experience the pleasure peak, then immediately suffer his arousal resetting to Zero. Game over. With that control out of his hands (so to speak), his arousal and pleasure can be manipulated for hours, days or longer. So contrary to what most women think, restricting his orgasms makes sex and his partner far more attractive and exciting to him, and women can exploit and enjoy this and strengthen the bond between them.

I have read that some lifestyle Submissives are only allowed to orgasm once a month, or even longer to keep them aroused, focused and appreciating sex and their partner.

Periodic Submissive episodes ranging from hours to a few days are more common, and that's where I am with Steve. We've found these episodes very arousing, exciting, satisfying and bonding. They have completely revitalised our relationship and taken it to a new level. It also shows that making the effort to understand each other is extremely well rewarded.

From the key holders view, many women say that they have had the best sex ever during these episodes with their partners. A woman has the power to make sure they don't miss out just because their men do. Men become more attentive than ever, and become very adept with their fingers, and tongue. The man's incentive is that they might be allowed their primal urge to ejaculate if they give great sexual pleasure and please their key holder. Plus the subservience of being made to please his Mistress sexually in whatever way she demands is very arousing for him. It's certainly that way for Steve. He loves being controlled by me.

It seems most men that have these fantasies admit it's not usually their partners they see in their heads, and strange as it may seem it's not beautiful busty sexy women either. Their Mistress and tormentor inflicting the torment, pain and pleasure they crave in their fantasies is usually faceless, because it's themselves and what's being done to them they are focusing on. Some, otherwise 'Straight' men even have fantasies that their tormentor is another man. They believe another man will be sterner and understand better about what they want.

Part time submissive men say they feel much stronger bonds in their relationship with their partner when they participate in his fantasies. It's very important to them that his Mistress enjoys her power over him and takes advantage of it. I have no trouble making my enjoyment very evident to Steve.

Now that I have a better understanding of what drives men to have these fantasies (and I suspect most men don't know why themselves) I've become very confident, and delight in periodically being Steve's Mistress and making him a real slave to me for as long as I wish.

So now when Steve begs and pleads, it just spurs me on. I know what he really wants and needs better than he does, and I decide what, where and when. The cock cage is very useful for keeping him under my control when he's not tied up.

I delight at the look of desperation on his face when he's tied up, desperate to cum, and I put his cock cage back on. He has no idea how long it will be before he can touch his cock again. It could be an hour or two, many hours or even days.

But of course during that time I demand that he satisfies me as much as I want, and I've trained him to be a more obedient subservient slave than he had ever imagined in his fantasies. Determined training, sometimes quite painful, has made him very compliant and eager to please. He knows I'm very willing to punish when needed.

After all, when it comes right down to it, men will do anything for the primal urge to ejaculate .... And I do let Steve ejaculate....Eventually ....When I choose.... If I choose, and he loves it that way.