Why Us?

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An exploration of fetishism.
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Mareus
Mareus
118 Followers

On many occasions in my life I have pondered a particular question that remains unanswered or at least is not answered satisfactorily. I've often heard people ask the question 'Why do I have a fetish?' and this is invariably an objective question looking for an explanation of individual behaviour. Most responses fit into a few obvious categories -- because you're reacting to childhood experiences that have shaped your behaviour, because you're weird, because you have something wrong with you or the best answer I have ever seen - 'Who cares?'.

There might be some validity in any of these answers but they do not address my broader question -- what is the purpose of fetishes? No-one seems to spend much time trying to answer this. I have seen some terrible writing on this matter particularly from ignorant pseudo-intellectual quacks who associate some fetishistic behaviour with mental illness citing such damning evidence as many TVs suffer from bouts of depression during their lives. Well, I bet pseudo-intellectual quacks do too so I doubt there's any evidence that fetishes and depression are linked. In fact, I wonder if psychologists try to link the two in an attempt to avoid the inevitable conclusion that sexual fetishes are a form of normal behaviour in our society.

A further thought on the subject I have is about the nature of fetishism. It seems very poorly defined to me. Technically, it is the dependence upon an inanimate object without which sexual satisfaction cannot be achieved but that doesn't work for me. Some people are said to have a foot fetish. Since the foot is part of the human body, how can this be a fetish? The inadequate answer to this is that psychologists will say the foot is not an appropriate part of the human body to sexualise. But if we move up the body to the breasts then someone who has a similar interest in these fine aspects of the female form will be described as having an obsession or is simply a breast man as opposed to a leg man or an arse lover. These, of course, are all linked appropriately to sexual behaviour and easily explained since all three body parts convey a message about a woman's potential for having good genes and for her being a good choice to have kids with. I apologise if this sounds like objectification of women and I mean no offence. I'm simply pointing out some biological facts.

My problem with this comparison of 'normal' attraction, obsession and fetishism is that the boundaries are artificial and ill-conceived. People only seem to distinguish between these three vague categories based upon social acceptance rather than clinical demarcation. Those of us interested in such things know there are thousands, perhaps millions of websites dedicated to the subject and for as many websites that exists, the audience outstrips their number tenfold. We are a uniquely sentient creature with a seemingly infinite appetite for sexual deviation.

Psychologists find the majority of human behaviour fascinating and worth exploring but fetishism seems stuck on the shelf in a dusty and ignored part of the room. It doesn't get the attention it deserves because, well, maybe people don't like what they find there, are uncomfortable with the subject and perhaps don't like to explore it too deeply lest they find out something about themselves that they would rather have left alone.

Whilst I'm straying away from my original question, I'll mention something else that I've wondered about -- do people with fetishes get more out of sex than those who do not? If you have ever indulged someone or been indulged in fetish play yourself, was it not an amazing experience? I'm not saying 'normal' sex isn't fantastic but I suspect that fetishes add something special to a sexual experience (if both/all parties share the same desires).

We know that there's not much in this world that someone somewhere doesn't have a thing about. We seem to seek out new and interesting ways to satisfy our sexual needs and in doing so, we are divorcing sex further from its original purpose of procreation. Perhaps the reason for this is that fetishism is simply an accident. That in our modern, complex world there are many more early-life influences on our behaviour than Mother Nature had planned for but in my experience, virtually everything we do can be explained. Five hundred years ago, we understood very little about the workings of the human body and even less about the mind. Now we find ourselves almost complete in our knowledge. The brain remains a bit of a mystery but beyond that, there's little left that we don't understand completely.

I do not believe that fetishism has anything to do with mental health. I wasn't mad when mine introduced itself to me. I was a small child trying to make sense of the world around me and perhaps all I did was to interpret the sensations I felt in an inappropriate manner. But if that's all it takes, I find it hard to believe that it was either an accident or an abnormality. There's too many of us in my situation for that to be true. So if it wasn't unusual and I'm not mad then there must be a reason for it.

Perhaps Mother Nature wanted to give the gene pool another way to obtain diversity. After all, that seems to be one of her primary objectives (along with proliferation). Maybe, when the world says that the only way for two people with considerably different levels of attraction to get together is through the presence of richness, fetishism (which I have no doubt existed long before money) might be a way to unite people who would otherwise not find each other attractive thus contributing to the rich genetic multiplicity that is essential to the evolution of the human race.

Another interesting aspect of this subject is that it is generally only associated with men. I can only assume this opinion is born of ignorance. In my life I have encountered women with fetishes about a variety of subjects -- watersports, anal sex, pain, lingerie and male anal to name a few. Who is to say that the woman in your office who spends her time and money on shopping for handbags isn't just satisfying a sexual need? I wonder if men find it a little easier to express their sexual needs than women and so seem more prone to sexual fetishes despite all the anxiety they can cause.

Perhaps we'll never be able to explain fetishes in a satisfactory way. Maybe they'll just keep our sex lives going for a few more years than they were intended to last as our life expectancy grows. Who knows? But if we learn nothing else, surely we should learn acceptance and in time, the maturity to celebrate our sexual differences.

I remember 20 or 30 years ago that a link was made between homosexuality and a particular gene that was often found present in gay people. Perhaps this or another gene exists in people with fetishes. If so then my suggestion regarding diversity could be proved correct (although I have no idea why homosexuality would be genetic since that makes no sense at all in the context of either diversity or proliferation) but I doubt I'll hear a satisfactory explanation in my lifetime - unless you know differently.

Thanks for reading,

Mareus.

Mareus
Mareus
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AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Why I developed a silk and sain fetish.

When very young, I had a facial deformation, now corrected¸ that made me believe that I`d never have a `relationship` with a female. My mom had an extensive lingerie wardrobe and I would, more and more often, wear her silkiest outfits, and then my masculine self would make love to my feminine self. When I eventually did find my wife, my feminine self became jealous, angry that I was abandoning her after all the years of pleasure she`d given me. It took much psycho-therapy to resolve the issue.

luvtodoitluvtodoitover 13 years ago
Well done

I truly enjoyed reading what you had to say about this subject. When I was around 8 yrs old, I developed a fetish for my mom's stockings hanging from the shower bar. Soon, I was trying them on, and it's been a lifelong thing as I am now 61 and still enjoy them from time to time. I've also added other items of lingerie, as well as heels and a bit of makeup. It's a lot of fun for me, but it's still a mystery to me why I so enjoy it!

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