Widower Jack

My wife's death wasn't a surprise. Beth had fought a courageous battle against cancer but it finally became too much for her. There was only slight consolation in the fact that her suffering was over.

The real surprise was that our daughter, Amy, came to the funeral.

The people at the funeral were mostly Beth's friends, primarily her support group, and wouldn't have recognized Amy anyway, but her gray suit and veil that would have disguised her from anyone except me.

Amy and her mother had always had a strained relationship. Beth's older sister had been a wild child who left home as soon as she turned 18 and was dead of a drug overdose before she was 21. Because of that, Beth was excessively hard on Amy, afraid that she might take after her dead aunt.

I did what I could do to be a peacemaker, but, of course, I had to work and my evening and weekend efforts clearly weren't enough. Beth's strictness completely backfired and when Amy turned 18, she simply left home just as her aunt had done.

Amy never made any effort to keep in touch or let us know where she was, but this is the internet age and I was able to track her down. I sent her birthday cards over the next few years, but her only response was to return any checks I sent her, uncashed. I did send her a note telling her that her mother was dying. I thought she might be open to some sort of reconciliation, but it seems Beth's death was the only thing that would bring her home.

It was just a small group of mourners at the funeral. Beth and I had no family left, other than Amy, so just the support group and a few of my co-workers were there. After Amy left home, I had changed jobs and since I never mentioned her, no one there even knew she existed.

It didn't take long for the few mourners to give me their condolences as they left in a group, but when I looked for her, Amy was already gone.

I returned alone to an empty house. I sat quietly in my chair as the shadows lengthened, unable to move or even turn on any lights. Then I heard the front door open and I knew it was Amy coming home.

* * *

Her presence did help. She moved back into her old room and began to cook and clean like the lady of the house. We seemed to again have the friendly relationship I had tried so hard to maintain when her mother was alive.

She didn't say much about what she had been doing, but judging by the new BMW sitting in my driveway, it was clear that money wasn't an issue for her. Every time I tried to talk to her about her life, she would just smile and say, "Dad, don't worry about it. I'm here for you now."

I returned to work and began to recover. I was glad Amy was there. It was nice to come home to a smiling face.

We did have our awkward moments. Once I walked out to our pool where Amy was sunbathing topless. I quickly apologized and started to go back inside but Amy laughed at me and said, "Dad, it's just skin. Come on out and keep me company."

Then one evening, a short time later, I went out to relax in the hot tub only to find Amy soaking in the nude. Again she laughed, "Dad, you might as well get used to this. I'm not getting my swim suit wet just for a soak."

And then she started waking me on weekend mornings by bring me coffee in bed. While I sipped it, she would lie, fully clothed, on my wife's side of the king bed talking with me. Something about it struck me strangely.

Of course, it wasn't as if she was doing anything inappropriate, and, for my part, I wouldn't be. I had completely lost my sex drive when Beth's cancer returned and it had been months since I even had an erection of any sort. I'm sure it was psychological and I simply ignored it and assumed things would return to normal someday.

But all of this was minor stuff. For the most part we were simply a father and daughter once again.

Then came her birthday. I knew I owed her a lot for what she had been doing for me so I asked her to let me take her out to a nice dinner. She agreed but insisted on picking the restaurant.

When she came out of her room, ready to go, I saw that she was wearing some sort of grey knit dress that was completely form-fitting. She clearly was wearing nothing underneath the dress and, honestly, she looked hotter in it than any woman I had ever known. She was a prettier and sexier version of her mother in her prime. It was a bit unnerving.

The restaurant she chose was a quiet, romantic place that I had never visited before. We sat in a little booth and Amy insisted on snuggling close to me. After we ordered our meal and the bottle of wine was opened, I wished her a happy birthday and she asked for a birthday kiss.

I leaned toward her to kiss her on the cheek but she turned quickly, leaned into me and kissed me full on the lips. I was flustered and didn't know what to say.

Then I looked up and noticed Agnes, a woman I knew from work, striding purposely toward us. I turned to Amy with a warning, "This woman is a real busybody and is probably going to say something rude. Just ignore her and she'll go away."

It was worse than I could have imagined. Agnes took it upon herself to attack my behavior and my morals. She said, "You're wife is barely in the grave and you're out with some girl nearly young enough to be your daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is just evil."

I had told Amy to ignore her, but I was too angry to follow my own advice. Amy could tell that I was about to explode and she grabbed my thigh under the table. It distracted me momentarily allowing Amy to respond first. She glared at Agnes and said, "Did you know my sister?"

Agnes jerked her head in confusion, "Your sister? What do you mean?"

Amy went on in an exasperated tone, "Did you know Beth, Jack's wife and my sister? Did you know her?"

Agnes was now flustered, "Well I did meet her. You're her sister? I didn't know she had a sister."

"She had two sisters actually, an older one and a younger one ... me. And I don't appreciate you making nasty comments to Jack like that. You're the one who should be ashamed. My sister's dying request of me was to look after Jack when she was gone and that's exactly what I'm doing. You need to apologize and leave us alone. Now!"

Agnes just mumbled in befuddlement and turned and walked away.

It was my turn to be confused. "Amy, why didn't you just tell her you were my daughter? Wouldn't that have been simpler?"

"Well," she said, as she slid her hand up my inner thigh, "as I understand it, you're not supposed to have sex with your daughter but there's no law against fucking your late wife's sister."

I roughly pushed her hand away and quickly changed the subject. I wasn't sure what to say to her and dinner was more than a little strained after that.

On the ride home, I gathered my thoughts, "Amy, I don't know what got into you at the restaurant but if I've done anything to make you think that I want you sexually, then I sincerely apologize. I would never, ever, want to do or say anything that would make you feel the slightest concern about that. I love you as a daughter and I only want to be the best father for you that I'm capable of being."

Amy smiled, "Okay, then, does that mean that you would fuck me if that's what I needed?"

At that moment I was filled with complete and total sadness. Clearly her mother's lack of trust and constant criticism had affected Amy in ways that I had never imagined. My only thought was how to get her the help she so desperately needed.

I decided to be totally honest with her. "Amy, I'm really, really concerned about the way you're acting. It's not right; it's not healthy; and it makes me very worried about what you might do. Would you be willing to talk to someone about this?"

"Jack, don't be silly. I was just kidding. I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone else. You're worried about nothing at all and there's certainly no reason for me to talk to anyone. I fully understand what I'm doing here. And all I am doing is being a dutiful daughter who loves and supports her father. Nothing more."

What happened to "Dad"? I think that's called talking out of both sides of your mouth and at that point I was even more worried.

I tried again, "Amy, I do not find you sexually attractive in any way. I think you're beautiful, intelligent, and have the most wonderful personality, but none of that is sexual. You're my daughter and nothing could make me think of you as anything but that."

"Okay. If you say so."

* * *

Things calmed down after that as Amy didn't escalate her provocative behavior and we settled into a more normal relationship. She still pushed the envelope a bit, walking nude from taking a shower back to her room when she knew I was there, going braless and wearing tight t-shirts, and joining me to watch a movie in the family room wearing baby doll nighties. Sure, she always wore a robe over them but it always managed to come open. I refused to overreact. I honestly began to worry that I was the one with a problem, so I merely shook my head sadly at her.

I tried again to ask her about her personal life, hoping that she was seeing people her own age during the day while I was at work, but she just laughed and said, "Dad, girls my age are married with kids and I have no interest in being anywhere near those 'normies.'"

Things finally came to a head as a result of my company's annual awards banquet. My entire team was to be honored and I was looking forward to seeing all of them get the recognition they had earned.

I couldn't contain my delight at the news, but when Amy asked if she could accompany me and meet my co-workers, I was brought back to earth rather quickly. To say 'no' might imply that I didn't respect her or was embarrassed by her and that would be untrue and unfair, but to say 'yes' risked inviting a return of the unacceptable behavior that worried me so. Would I be with my daughter or the sister-in-law she had invented?

I had to agree to let her come, of course. My possible embarrassment was nothing compared to keeping her trust.

* * *

Amy surprised me with her outfit for the banquet. It was a mature, sophisticated look and she pulled it off perfectly. She looked stunning with no hint of being tawdry or cheap. I was extremely impressed and said so. I think she actually blushed.

The truth was that, despite my protestations, I did find myself attracted to Amy in ways that a father shouldn't be and this evening I was enchanted. She had matured into a very desirable woman in the years since she left home and I knew that I had to be extremely careful of my behavior around her. This evening simply underscored the task I had before me.

I was certainly nervous enough when we arrived, but to make matters worse, there was busybody Agnes, pointing at us and babbling to anyone who would listen to her. I feared the worst, but it turned out that Agnes was just happy to be the queen bee. She quickly introduced Amy as my sister-in-law to everyone she could lay hold of, implying that she knew Amy just oh-so-well. It would have been funny except that I was now caught in the deception.

Fortunately most of the evening went by smoothly and my team's recognition was well received by everyone there. It was everything I could have hoped for. Even Amy's presence seemed to be working out well. But at one point, I saw her talking with several of the women from my group and I positioned myself so that I could hear the conversation without being noticed.

"So, Amy, Beth was your older sister? You're certainly a lot younger than she was. You must have been a surprise to your parents."

Amy nodded, "Yes, that's what I was all right. Beth was long gone before I came along. Actually she and Jack were together even before I was born."

"I guess you didn't know her very well then?"

"Oh, but I did. When I was growing up, I loved to visit with them and went there as often as they'd let me. They were so good together. They seemed so sophisticated to my little girl eyes. And Jack ... well, he seemed like the perfect husband. I know he misses her. He was always so good to her and I've always dreamed of meeting someone like him someday."

"Well, I guess it's unfortunate that you couldn't have been there for the funeral."

"Oh, but I was there. I didn't know anyone there except Jack, of course, so I didn't want to barge in among Beth's friends. I stood back away from the mourners. I went to console him later at his house."

"Oh! That must have been you behind the veil! I remember now."

Someone else asked, "So, you're living with Jack now? How long do you plan to stay? Do you have any plans for the future?"

Amy became somber, "For now I'm just trying to help Jack cope with his loss. He and Beth were very close, so I'm not here pushing any sort of agenda. I just want him to get beyond the pain."

I started feeling some strange emotions at that point. Amy had created an entire life for her alter ego and I didn't know whether to be impressed by her imagination or horrified by her guile. I walked away to get another drink. That was a mistake.

I'm not much of a drinker under any circumstances and I really overdid it that night. Between my delight at the recognition my group received and Amy's words, I found myself drinking much more than I should have. The results were predictable: I didn't remember much of what happened later.

* * *

I didn't wake up the next morning, I merely regained consciousness. My head hurt horribly and the light burned my eyeballs. I was nauseated and wanted to die.

Then it got worse. I realized that I was nude in bed but couldn't remember undressing, and Amy was in bed with me, lying nude on her side, propping her head up with her hand as she watched me.

I wasn't thinking straight and I panicked. I jumped out of bed, stumbled, wrapped the sheet around me, and moaned, "Oh my god, what have I done?"

Amy actually laughed at me, "Calm down. You didn't do anything even though I did my best to get you to. You really can be stubborn sometimes.

"You really got wasted last night, Dad. I don't think I ever saw you like that before, but I like it. You're such a happy drunk. Did you know that?

"When I got you home and tried to get you undressed for bed, you kept saying 'No, Amy. I'll undress myself. You need to turn around now.'

"Then you crawled into bed. I stripped and joined you and started kissing you and caressing you. I reached down and started stroking your cock trying to get you hard, but you pushed me away, laughing and waggling your finger at me, going 'No, no, no. Mustn't do that.' And then you rolled over and went to sleep.

"I was kind of hoping you'd look at me here in bed this morning and go, 'I want some of that.' But I guess that's not going to happen either.

"So, guess what, Dad? Your honor's still intact."

I let that sink in with a sense of relief and then I collapsed back into bed with the sheet still wrapped around me and went back to sleep. I would deal with her when I came back to life.

Hours later, when my resurrection was nearly complete, I gave serious thought to our situation and I knew that the bedroom antics were more than I wanted to deal with. I was angry and I told Amy that I couldn't handle it anymore and I demanded that she get counseling.

Amy decided to be obstinate, "What are you going to do to me if I refuse?"

I wasn't taking the bait, "Amy, I'm not going to DO anything to you. You're a grown-ass woman and there's nothing I can do to you. It's not like I can ground you, or take away your privileges, or spank you ..."

Amy got a wicked smile on her face, but I was too angry for nonsense. I held up my hand and said, "Don't even think about going there. This isn't funny."

I continued, "You must agree to counseling because it's what you need. What I want is for you to come to terms with the things you've gone through. ... Amy, listen to me. You deserve to be at peace with yourself."

I guess she realized I was completely serious and she did agree to go, but then she added her own little wrinkle: she insisted that I had to go with her.

* * *

Roberta Daniels was reputed to be one of the best family counselors in the business. She had a Ph.D. and spent most of her time training other therapists but continued to see patients and was especially interested in the toughest of cases. I' wondered if that's why she agreed to see us.

"Do you mind if we use first names?" was her opening comment.

"Fine by me," I said. "If Amy agrees we can all use first names. Mine's Jack, hers is Amy, and I guess yours is Doctor."

That got a little chuckle anyway.

"All right, then. Let me start by saying that couples therapy doesn't usually refer to a father and a daughter. Frankly, many young women who have problems do so because of their fathers and it would be difficult to deal with those problems with the cause sitting in the room."

I was nodding my head the entire time she spoke, and, when she finished, I said, "Doctor, I couldn't agree with you more and I hope you can convince Amy to work with you alone."

Dr. Daniels had a curious look on her face as she turned to Amy and said, "All right, then. Amy why don't you go first. Can you tell me why you're here and what you expect to get from these sessions?"

Amy looked directly at me while she answered, "Well, I'm here because my father mistakenly believes that I have some unresolved issues and what I hope to get out of this is his understanding that I am perfectly fine and we just need to get on with our lives."

"Interesting. What about you Jack? Same question."

"I'm here because Amy wouldn't agree to counseling unless I came with her. She's been acting in totally inappropriate ways and I hope, no pray, that she can get the peace that she needs and deserves. I've done what I can, but I've totally failed and it makes me very sad."

Amy grimaced as she shook her head.

Dr. Daniels looked from me to Amy and asked, "Amy, your father says you have been acting in inappropriate ways. I wonder if you can tell me if he has ever acted inappropriately with you?"

Amy snorted, "Gosh, Doc, is that your go-to attitude?" Turning to face me, Amy continued, "See Dad? We're wasting our time here. Let's go home."

It was my turn to shake my head.

Turning back to Dr. Daniels, Amy went on, "You have absolutely no clue, do you? I don't think my father even knows how to act inappropriately with me. When I was growing up, he was my rock. My mother was a crazy woman who tried to destroy me and only the fact that I had a father who loved me kept me from killing her. And you want to know if he's been 'inappropriate.' I wish."

I think Dr. Daniels realized that she had made a serious error and she quickly moved on, "All right Amy, why don't you tell us about your relationship with your mother. Was she really crazy?"

I knew this story as well as Amy did. Beth's accusations, constant criticisms, screaming fits, excessive punishments for even minor transgressions-all of it never ended.

Once, I actually had to stop Beth from physically beating Amy for being out past her curfew. After that, I sent my wife to bed while I waited for Amy to get safely home, no matter how late it was. I would simply tell her how disappointed I was before sending her to bed as well. The punishments had merely resulted in more bad behavior, but my own dismay at her behavior didn't have much of an effect either.

The one thing I most hoped would make a difference back then was the discussion we had about self-respect. I tried to impress upon Amy that the only person she could truly rely on was herself. I would try to support her as much as I could, but in the end, she had to understand she was the most important person in her own life. If she didn't respect herself, no one else could be expected to.