Wife Guard

Talk about survival of the fittest and all of that 'alpha male' superiority business, mom promised me that she would sneak into Ellis occasionally while I was safely away in college, just to keep tabs on the 'doing' there. She went to the hospital during the two week period that most of the wives of the business circle gave birth to their 'husband's' baby. She told me proudly that in a sea of bald babies, only my babies had a full head of hair at birth. She watched as they changed two of the babies, both male, and she noted that both of them were better equipped where it counted than her ex-husband. She said that they were even strong at birth; one of the male babies did not want to give up its bottle. When the nurse tried to retrieve it, she couldn't get it even with both of her hands. She had to summon another nurse and, after two solid minutes of struggling, they finally secured that bottle from my newborn. Now THAT was survival of the fittest.

What about Carmen? Well, I felt bad about the kind of cad I had been that summer, and well, I kind of married her. After I graduated with a BBA in accounting and got a good job on the West Coast for a big firm, I settled down with Carmen. We ended up having five children. When her best friend asked if they were a handful, I had to laugh to myself. If she only knew that the actual count from Carmen and the society ladies of Ellis was twenty. Plus there was another birth to account for.

I'm ashamed to admit that a certain lady living with me wore that damn see-thru nightie once too often. One morning, with my morning wood at its hardest, I just pushed her over the sink and released the heat and frustration that she had generated all those sexy, sexy breakfast 'floorshows'. It was such an incredible relief to empty my seed in record volume deeply inside her still incredibly fertile womb. When she told me that SHE was pregnant, as if it was a shocking development, I just laughed. She had said it for effect just as I was packed to go to college.

Well, I left for college. To show I wasn't a total jerk, I did return home for the hospital date, held her hand the whole way, and gave her supplements from my salary as soon as I had a salary. When I explained to Carmen what happened, with all of the details about my 'old lady' back home, she understood and never raised any protest. She even insisted that we let her move in with us, so that she did not have to pine away alone, with only my child as her sole companion. We made a very happy multi-generational household.

So the final count was twenty-one, without one complication. That was a record that would never be matched.