Will Be Yours Ch. 03

"What... was... that?" I managed to ask between laughing. He gave me a mischievous wink and relaxed in the seat.

"I've killed his peace for the day and his sleep for tonight. Now he'll keep trying to remember who was that Harry? Since when does he know him? And who were the other people he mentioned...?"

I liked people who could make others laugh. Scott always did that, and now Luke had joined the list.

The bridal arrangement order had been made and delivered successfully and by closing time we'd also received a thank you card from the client, commending our great work. The day had certainly gone well, despite my being ill and slightly upset.

"Cyn?" Carrie gently tapped my shoulder, "Are you alright?"

I must've been smiling to myself because Carrie was staring very suspiciously at me.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said, lifting the cup to my mouth. "Where did the boys go?"

"The kids wanted some goldfish for the new fountain we're inaugurating tomorrow," she smiled, swishing her sandy hair around, "Scott took them to the pet shop near the Clock Tower, where they also sell fish."

She paused, and I knew she wanted to ask something. I didn't give her a chance.

"I'm not going, Carrie," I said, firmly. "I can't do this."

"At least, call her back," she gently told me, "If you don't want to go, then let her know that too."

"Why should I let her know that I'm not going?" I shrugged. "I had left without informing anyone, remember?"

"I'll tell you what?" she sighed, crossing her arms, "You gave up your rightful place without a fight. Now is the time to reclaim it, I say."

I pinched my forehead, as though the whole conversation was giving me a headache. I was tired of fighting. What was mine would remain mine, even without a fight. And what wasn't... would never be.

I recalled how hard it all had been. Torn between the pain of giving up on my dreams and the humiliation of returning home, I had found help and support in Scott, who had stood by me even when my own family refused to call me their own any longer. Many years had passed, I knew, but the memories were still fresh. Showing up would mean ripping the scab off an old wound.

"I should've remembered that you fall ill when you're upset," Carried sounded apologetic again, "But then, I didn't think you'd get so worked up..."

"It was a blast from the past." I gave a small chuckle. "And I'm still not going."

"Why not?" Scott asked from the door of the lounge, as he and the boys carried two bucketsful of goldfish inside.

"Why not?" I frowned, indignantly, "After what happened to me there, you expect me to go back? Don't I have any dignity?"

Carrie moved closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders. "She's unwell," she told Scott, as she gently rubbed my arms, "Let it be, if she doesn't want to go—"

"Look, I know it's her call," Scott instructed his sons to get fresh before walking into the room and sitting on a wicker chair next to the settee, "But I don't see any reason why she shouldn't or cannot go. It's just a weekend, right? And showing up in all your glory will be a slap on their faces."

"I think I agree on this one," Carrie added, "They left you to be miserable for the rest of your life but they should see you've moved on."

I didn't know if I had really moved on. If that was the case, why did I still feel so afraid about going back, even if only for a weekend?

"Anyway," Carrie rose from the settee and made her way towards the door, "You freshen up." She told Scott. "I've made spring rolls and beef ball soup. Come on, boys!"

Scott decided to drop the subject at hand, because he shifted to the place beside me and put his arm around the back of the settee.

"I heard Luke dropped you to work this morning," he smiled.

"Hmm-mm." I kept the empty cup on the centre table and pulled the stole snugly around myself. "I came to know about Diana."

Scott nodded very calmly and sighed. "He told you, huh?"

"Yes. We were talking about flowers and the conversation drifted." I paused and looked at him. "You knew her?"

"Oh yes." His smile was full of affection. "What a girl, really. She loved fearlessly, gave selflessly, and always made sure everyone was happy and alright. She was a perfect foil for Luke. He was this happy-go-lucky guy who worked hard and partied harder, and she was this funny and thoughtful girl who kept him firmly on the ground. And that laughter..."

"It was precious to hear her laugh," Carrie re-entered the room, carrying a cup of coffee for Scott. "She was always there for everyone, offering friendship, support, and advice. I still remember her flaming red unruly hair."

"Sometimes we feared Luke would never get over the sorrow and the anguish," he said, "For the first couple of months, all his friends took turns... keeping an eye on him. Making sure he was alright. Making sure he didn't do anything stupid." He looked at me. "He was going through a really bad depression. His family was worried sick."

"We all wished he'd stop living like a zombie," Carrie added.

"We're so happy he's finally moved on," Scott smiled, "And that he's strong enough to talk about it."

"He's never talked about it. With anyone," she said, "It was like a part of life he wanted to shut away."

"He seemed quite okay talking about it," I said, "When I told him that he need not talk if it still hurts, he said he's over it."

"He sure looks so," Scott nodded, rising, "Now we only hope he's able to find someone he can love again. Someone who'll make him whole again." He leisurely strolled out of the room, hands in the pocket of his pants, "He still has a lot of love to give. And all of his life ahead."

For some peculiar reason, I thought the words were directed at me. When I looked at Carrie, she was trying to hide her smile. I had known them for a long time. Over the past couple of years they had made a determined effort to try and find a man who could make me forget all about my emotional baggage. A man that would make me happy again. They simply couldn't accept that such a man didn't exist. It had been in vain trying to explain that I would rather be alone than with the wrong man, or worse, a series of them. And that I was very careful not to let myself board the crazy lust-love-crash roller coaster. Whenever I felt like I was in line for that ride I just stepped aside. No more heartache for me, please. I had had enough.

But I also felt for Luke. Yes, I too had lost someone I loved, along with my family, but death was more forgiving than having the black mark of disgrace forever stamped on you.

"So you're still not going?" Carrie asked me with an innocent expression, crossing her legs. "And I was thinking we could go shopping for dresses." She gave me a naughty smile. "It's a wedding, after all."

"Carrie—"

"Okay, forget fighting." She was now sitting beside me. "How about amicability? Fine, don't put up at the house. Find a hotel. Then attend the wedding like any other guest and come back. Things can be done with a smile."

"They never did things with a smile," I bit on my lip to keep it from quivering, "They made it ugly. They didn't even give me a chance to defend or explain myself. They just... disowned me."

I looked at her. "You think they will not talk about me, judge me, deride me once I'm there? And they never got to know the whole story. If they did..."

"To hell if they did!" she gave me a little jerk, "I'm not asking you to not remain a stranger anymore. Be indifferent but courteous. Show them that you chose to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high but have not forgotten your civility."

"When they'd been far from civil—"

"That's the difference between you and them. It's time to show them that."

"I second that!" Scott responded from the dining room, amid sounds of crockery and silverware, "Now hurry up, or we're going to eat up all that is here."

"Yes, we're famished," Josh complained, "Dad didn't buy us burgers."

"I'd asked him not to," Carrie rolled her eyes, as we finally left our seats and walked out, "You have too much of burgers anyway."

"Hey Cyn, we're inaugurating the fountain tomorrow morning," Jake sounded very excited, "You must grace the occasion."

Josh sniggered beside him at the phrase they'd often hear at school.

"We've also asked Mrs Goldsmith, the Tanners, and the Remingtons to come over," he added, "Also Luke."

"It'll be great with him around," Scott smiled, "What do you think?" he asked me.

"Oh, you don't have to ask her," Carrie's reflexes were faster than mine. "She likes him."

I looked for a place to hide, preferably under the table. From the moment he'd stepped into my shop, I had noticed something different about Luke. Not because he was the most gorgeous and sensuous man I'd ever seen. For heavens' sake, I dealt with good-looking men on a daily basis. What was so new about deep eyes, a fit body, and a great smile? And not even because he was kind and warm and funny. But because I found a connection with him. His handshake had been firm, precise and brief, but it had felt as if an electric current was running through my veins. And everytime he touched me, it made the fire burn a little more. Which was crazy, because I never reacted like that to anyone. I'd dated in college, fallen in love, been in relationships, but it had never been like that. I had never had such an immediate attraction to anybody. So why now? And why this man?

I didn't know. I just didn't know.

(to be continued)