Will You Lie To Get Laid?

Will you lie to get laid? A quick grammar lesson on LIE, LAY and LAID.

I have come across far too many good stories where the authors made mistakes with these similar sounding words. Here is my entry into the Summer Lovin Contest 2014, the first purpose of which is to give the readers an idea how these words should be used properly. The second purpose is to poke some erotic fun with the summer theme. It is boring and dry to give a grammar lecture; a more effective approach is to give examples of the correct usage of different forms of LIE and LAY in the context of a dirty story. Here it goes -

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On warm sunny summer days, young Brittney likes to lie in her back porch and sunbathe in her bikini. She is lying there now, face down on a fully extended lawn chair, with her stringy top removed, sun tan lotion glistening on her bare back. The bottom piece of her swimming suit -- made up of fabric that is no larger than the size of her palm - does little to conceal her round and sexy ass. The ass crack is inviting. Back home from college for her summer vacation, Brittney is enjoying her time away from studying and the crazy dorm life.

She lay there yesterday too, while her middle-aged neighbor Tom peeped through the gap between the slats of the wooden fence that separates their backyards. He couldn't control the arousal in his shorts. Standing in his own backyard, by the fence, with one eye looking through the inch-wide hole, he rubbed his hard-on and imagined how it would feel to hump her from behind, to guide his cock down her ass cleavage, to explore her tight vaginal opening, also to penetrate her anally.

Brittney knew Tom was watching. From the corner of her eye, she saw movement behind the bushes, which partially cover the opening in the fence. She smiled to herself mischievously.

She is somewhat an exhibitionist and takes pride in being the object of her neighbor's adoration. Today, she is again enjoying the soothing rays on her semi naked body. She has lain there for half an hour already. She turns over, with her heavy boobs facing the sky. They jiggle from side to side when she moves. She looks down, and proudly admires her own tits. Careful to protect herself from sunburn, she is applying a generous amount of sun tan lotion on her silky smooth skin. Having a private back porch affords her the opportunity to get a full body tan.

One of her kinky diversions is masturbating naked, under the sun. She squeezes the lotion bottle and squirts the milky white liquid into her left palm. She tilts her hand sideways, letting the lotion roll from one side to another. This looks so erotic to her, for no reason. Then she lays down the bottle to the right of her lawn chair. Yesterday, she absentmindedly laid the bottle on her left, and she had a hard time finding it. How silly she was.

Cupping her right hand, she lets some of the lotion drips from her left palm into it. Then she brings both hands to the spot just above her tummy, right under her breasts. She starts caressing the base of her roundness, fingers coming close to her areola, making small circles with her fingertips.

Looking down, seeing the thick white liquid lying messily on her tits, she is turned on. The sight naturally reminds her of how her boyfriend shoots his load on her breasts. Bobby loves to tit fuck her, to lay his thick shaft between her massive boobs.

She crosses her legs, squeezing her thighs together. Yet, there is an emptiness that the squeezing cannot satisfy. The heat from the sun has warmed her up in more ways than one. She needs something, a tool, an instrument of some kind. Should she go inside to her bedroom to retrieve her vibrator? No, she doesn't want to be distracted by getting up.

Brittney has very strange rituals about masturbation. She always likes to start with some inanimate objects, like a toy, or something that innocently lies around the house. After a few minutes, she will use her hands to continue with the rubbing and touching of her own private area. Maybe around the pussy lips, maybe right on top of her clitoris, maybe deep inside her vagina. Electricity seems to be able to travel from her finger tips to her genitals, or is it the other way round?

Today, she is too lazy to get up. What can she use?

Ah! The sun tan lotion bottle, which she has laid on the tiled surface of the ground. The round bottom corners of the bottle will do the trick.

Tom, on the other side of the fence, is doing yard work, or at least he is pretending to. He enjoys taking care of his plants and the flower bed. He remembers the nice view he had yesterday -- of his sexy neighbor Brittney. He is eager to find out if she is there again today. Yesterday did she know he was watching? Was she putting on a show for him?

He has laid two inches of mulch around the rose bushes. Rose buds --- anal openings. Damn. Why do erotica writers always use that analogy? Now he is horny looking at the pink roses.

Walking up to the fence, he quietly lays down the garden shears by his feet, bends his knees and positions his head to look through the hole in the fence. The opening in the rotten wood fence, resulting from natural weather decay, is about three feet off the ground. The inch-wide peephole is usually hidden behind the bushes on his side. So he has to squeeze himself behind the vegetation to access the hole.

The plants in his neighbor's yard do little to block the excellent view of Brittney in the lawn chair for him yesterday. And he has a clear view of the lovely girl again today. She is lying there with her feet pointing towards him, her scantily covered pussy facing his direction. He imagines if she takes off the lower piece of her bikini, he will have a clear view of her pussy. Her chair is only about 20 feet away from the fence. He swears he can smell the coconut scent of the sun tan lotion.

She grabs the lotion bottle, which she has laid on the ground, and places it between her legs. In slow, circular motions, she is using it as a toy to please herself. Tom is elated. He cannot believe his good fortune. His beautiful young neighbor is masturbating and he is going to witness it. She sits up. Still with the bottle in one hand, she touches her nipples with the other, and her lips part slightly, as if she is moaning. With her sunglasses on, it is hard for Tom to tell whether Brittney is looking in his direction. Suddenly she stands up, and starts walking towards him, towards the peephole in the fence.

He is startled. Straightening himself, he stands behind the fence, next to the peephole, heart pounding. Has she seen him? Why is she walking over in this direction?

In a matter of seconds, shockingly, a finger pokes through the opening. Tom has been to many adult book stores before and he has participated in the glory hole experience as well. Why is Brittney doing this? Is she inviting him to stick his dick through that hole? Yes, "stick his dick" there. He likes the rhyme.

Mesmerized, driven solely by lust, he turns to the hole, unbelts his shorts and drops everything to his heels. The hole is too high for him -- he stands only five feet tall and the hole is about three feet above ground.

He gently steps on the brick edgings that he laid down last year, to give himself additional height to reach that peephole. Still not enough. Looking around, he moves some of the extra bricks that are lying around and stacks them to form a platform for him to stand on. Though the bricks form a wobbly and unsteady foothold, he doesn't care. His foot-long penis is throbbing and bobbling. Many a times he has wished to the All Mighty that he would sacrifice a few inches of his manhood to compensate for his height. Maybe six inches -- will he be happy to stand 5'6" and have a 6" dick? Or give up three inches? Be 5'3" and have a 9" dick?

The blood has travelled to his groin area. He doesn't have enough blood in his brain to do mental math. He stands on the stacked bricks, guides his salami shape thingy through the hole. Instantly he feels a soothing, licking, wet sensation along the underside of his shaft. Oh god, she must be licking his cock. Brittney the college co-ed is licking his cock. Then her tongue touches his mushroom shape crown, and then back to the underside, and she licks the upper side of his cock as well. This girl is wild. This is his wildest dream come true. No, he never imagines this to be possible. Her feathery licking motions are amazing.

"Tom! What the hell are you doing?" shouts Mary, his wife, who comes out of the kitchen into the backyard, meat cleaver in hand, apron around her waist.

"No, nothing. I am ... ur ... just that ..." Tom is out of ideas to make excuses. He has to come up with something fast. "I thought, I thought Brittney's plants can use some natural ammonia so I am just peeing into her bushes."

Damn it. "Peeing into her bushes?" Wrong choice of words.

"You are a habitual liar! Last year you lied about the affair with Jenna. Now you are lying about peeping and peeing into Brittney's backyard. You always lie. I will never trust a single word you say anymore. You have lied to me all these years we are married!" she howls and breaks down in tears.

"No, for real. I am just helping her fertilize her plants naturally." The more he lies, the more confused he is. As if it is possible, he feels that his penis is growing, both in girth and in length. And it is stuck inside the hole. He cannot withdraw it!

"Oh, Tom. Don't you have the basic decency to pull your dick back and pull up your pants while I talk to you?" Mary is crying, wielding the cleaver above her head.

"Can you put the beaver, no, the cleaver down? You are scaring me."

Tom feels that with his wife yelling at him, sharp knife in hand, he should be losing his erection. But no, he is going strong. And Brittney is still licking.

"You are such a disgrace, Tom! Terrible." Mary cannot control his sobs.

And then he ejaculates. He shoots his load into Brittney's backyard through the glory hole. Oh, he cums. (Erotica writers will debate whether it is cum or come, but that is another matter.)

He still cannot withdraw his manhood from the hole. Normally he will be proud of his staying power after finishing but not today. He desperately wants to pull up his shorts to hide his dick. But Brittney seems to be continuing with her licking after he has finished.

Mary walks up to him, pointing the cleaver at his dick. "Get back in here. Or I am going to chop it off."

Finally after almost a minute, his dick has returned to its 12-inch pre-erect state. It is narrow enough to pull through the opening. He stands away from the glory hole, bends down to pull up his boxers and shorts, only to find the semi-flaccid penis covered in green paint.

Brittney must have been playing games on him. She hasn't licked him. She has used a brush, maybe a paint brush, to coat his penis green.

As a punishment, Mary ties Tom down on a bed of garden stones, face up, with his arms and legs stretched out, as if he were stranded on the Island of Lilliput. He lies there for he forgets how long, embarrassed, ashamed and angry. After many slow and unsuccessful attempts, he is able to move his hand to the garden shears that he has dropped earlier. They are lying inches away from him. He is glad that Mary has left them laying there. They are his life line now.

Finally, he gets a hold of them. With much twisting and flipping of his left wrist, he is able to cut the rope to free himself.

Standing up, infuriated, fuming, he walks over to the glory hole and nails a piece of two by four over it. He swears that he is never going to look over to Brittney's yard again. Definitely not this year.

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Now to recap the grammar points --

Lie (as a verb, meaning to rest in a horizontal position):

Tom lies there next to his wife. They are lying there in their bed. They lay there last night. Now they have lain there for several hours.

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Lay (as a verb, meaning someone puts something down on the ground):

Brittney lays a towel on the grass.

By letting her neighbor peek at her yesterday, Brittney is laying the foundation to play the paint job on him today.

Tom made a big mistake. He laid an egg.

Brittney has laid her buttocks on the edge of the pool.

Lie (as a verb, meaning to not tell the truth):

Tom lies about the reason for him to poke his penis through the hole.

He is lying as he is shooting his load.

He lied last year about other affairs.

He has always lied about illicit sex. Who hasn't?

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There is another expression, the origin of which is more obscure -- GET LAID. There is good reason to believe that this usage is related to the second set of examples mentioned above.

Hope you enjoy this grammar lesson and dirty tale. Votes and comments are welcome. -- BGMISFUN

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