With Laila

I shared a house with Laila when we were in college together, when I finally moved out from my parents'. I knew she'd been seeing this guy, her first real boyfriend, someone white. She wasn't really devout, but was more traditional than me. She didn't really drink, but one night we shared a bottle of wine, then another. I told her some of my old moments, first times. I told her about Paul. And she got talking.

I am still not sure about this, whether I need a disclaimer somewhere. I don't really like meta-fictional explanations. I like stories to take people by surprise. Myself included. To be safe perhaps, and to be clear (though I truly hope that if there are any stray readers who need this made clear to them, they find another story, another site. And psychiatric help), this about the fantasy of force, and the consensual role-playing of same. Ravishment then, not rape. There are a few theories about why women, and men, get aroused by this fantasy, but all I want to say here is that it's qualitatively different from non-consensual sexual assault. To confuse the two is to make a large sized category error. One is sex. The other is violence. And if this is more than enough to step on everyone's buzz thank-you-very-much, feel assured that violence is probably not your thing. If it is, go away, I mean it, you're not welcome here.

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God she was beautiful. I knew she turned women's heads as much as men's, even under her scarf, I knew her figure was one that would drop lovers into spirals of desire, even under her loose, her modest clothing.

I found myself staring some nights, forgetting the TV, forgetting my book. Having to look away quickly. Once, one evening when I was in bed, alone, after I had felt the swell of arousal that made me think to masturbate, the image that entered my mind, suddenly, as I fell into my climax, after I'd thought of the people I always thought of, was of Laila, undoing her headscarf, her dress, pushing it off her shoulders, letting it fall from her long, slim, smooth, brown body, naked underneath, standing in front of me, showing me, letting me look at her full firm breasts, her thick dark pubic hair. I let the thought take me, I felt my sex thicken and pulse with the sudden intrusion of unfamiliar desire, of forbidden lust, I came as I thought of her taking my hand, inviting me between her legs, holding my fingers over her sex, I shuddered with pleasure as I imagined touching her, my fingers feeling her warm wet pussy.

It was one of those wonderful accidental evenings of wine and conversation that happen out of nowhere. We had the house to ourselves, the two other girls were both out, at least until much later. I started alone, planning on the single glass, knowing I'd give in to another. Some Friday night stuff on TV, the sound down, some music on. Drinking a little, reading a little. Laila joined me. And asked if she could have some. This wasn't a complete first, but it was still a rare occurrence. I padded back into the kitchen, got another glass and poured us both some cold Riesling.

We drank and chatted, about nothing, everything. I still thought we'd both be asleep by ten. When I asked her about Karl. I'd seen them together once or twice, coming back from lectures. A couple of times leaving the house. I mean, I guess I thought they were friends, nothing more, I was teasing a little bit, goading her into admitting she liked him, fancied him, I enjoyed getting Laila to admit to erotic thoughts, to getting aroused. She said nothing. When I knew that if there was nothing to say she would have merely laughed, giggled, admitted to some attraction, or not.

"Laila, you are being suspicious."

"No, no no."

"Yes, yes yes. Has something... have you and Karl...?"

"What?"

The image that had entered my head was overpowering, I couldn't resist expressing it. I played the daring one. It was an unusual role for me. Things were relative.

"Have you touched his cock?"

"Sali!"

"What? Come on, I am interested, and if you have you know you want to talk about it, what have you done? Anything? Have you held his penis? Have you... have you sucked it? Have you slept together? Have you been fucking? Tell me."

"Oh gosh, promise..."

"Of course."

"Promise you won't tell anybody?"

"I promise."

"Yes."

"Yes? What?"

"We've been... we have... we have made love, yes. Oh gosh."

"Oh wow, Laila, oh that's so good, I'm so happy, I mean, he was your first right?"

"Yes, yes."

"You lost your virginity. What was it like?"

"Well, I mean, technically..."

"Technically?"

"A few months ago, god, Sali I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind, I mean, I cleaned it completely afterwards..."

"Sali, you are being suspicious again."

"I was looking for, well, a book you'd mentioned, I really was, not that I thought it would be in a drawer, but I opened your drawers..."

"Mmm?"

"I saw, I found a... your..."

"My vibrator?"

"Yeah. And your... the other... your dildo. Yes."

And I felt the first quick tremble of arousal, at her words, using them, the idea of her looking at my little toys, seeing the dildo, life-like, my colour, our colour, just about, thick, rippled with large fake veins, a pair of oval balls at its base, a large exposed glans at its tip. I knew it was more acceptable to avoid the imitative, that smooth white vibrators were more the thing for a politically aware sister. I hadn't been able to resist, it dated from my time with Paul, but the image of Laila coming across this large, real-looking cock in my bedside drawer, knowing what she would have to realise: that I had used it, that I used it on myself, to pleasure myself, that I had slid this dark penis inside my vagina, and given myself countless orgasms.

"And? Laila, filthy thing, did you borrow it?"

" "

"It's okay, seriously, did you use it?"

"Yes."

"It's lovely isn't it? Didn't you think?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, I'd never, not never, but..."

"You put it inside your pussy?"

"Uh-huh."

I let this sit there. Let the thought of my friend touching herself, undressing, laying on her bed, feeling her own arousal, the anticipation, that lovely sweet nervous pleasure, spreading her legs, stroking my dildo over the damp skin of her sex, closing her eyes, wanting this, afraid of this, pushing that smooth thick cock head into her vagina, feeling her tight pussy grip it hard, pushing harder, deeper, fucking herself with it.

"It was, it was nice, I mean, I wanted to, not to be, a virgin, this was before I knew Karl, I don't know, I wanted to know a little, what it might be like, to know."

"Sure, very wise. Did you come?"

"No, it hurt too much."

"Oh."

"Later I did."

"Oh, really?"

"Mmm, sorry, the next day, you were out, at lectures, I... I tried again, oh god it was so nice, I had an orgasm."

"Your first?"

"Not quite, my best."

"Wow, that's so... where were you?"

"On my bed."

"Uh-huh?"

"What?"

"Laila, tell me, describe it."

"Oh gosh, okay, I mean, I had planned it I suppose, I knew when everyone would be out, so, I had the house to myself, coming home, I felt nervous, this was so strange, nervous excited, and just, so, aroused. I knew, oh Sali I can't."

"You can. Come on, you can tell me anything you like."

"I... just coming home I mean, my... I was completely... you know... completely... wet. Oh wow I can't believe I am telling you this. I got home, and went straight to your room, and found it, the dildo, it felt so large, so thick and long, and real, I felt like I was touching a real penis, and... I took it, to my room, and... and I undressed, I got naked, Sali, oh dear, I lay on my bed, and... I pulled... I moved the mirror, so I could see myself, I lay naked on my bed, and watched as I... you know... used it..."

"What did you do? Tell me?"

"I... oh I was so wet, already, so aroused, I slid it over myself, I... I kissed it, I suddenly remembered it was yours, gosh, that... you might have... I kissed the end of it, and took it in my mouth, like it was real, I pretended it was real, that I was sucking a guy's hard penis, I licked it up and down, looking at myself, looking at it enter my mouth, I couldn't wait though, I was too excited, I lay back and..."

"And...?"

"I pushed it inside my vagina, I saw it slide into me, I felt it, oh Sali it felt amazing, the second time, stretching me, filling me, touching me so deeply, I looked at myself as I pushed and pulled it, and as I... you know... as I stroked myself, touched my... my clitoris. I really thrust it in and out of me, harder, really... as I stroked my clitoris, and I came, oh gosh, I had an orgasm, it was so huge, just massive, consuming."

"Oh Laila, that's so lovely, I mean it, anyway, this is but a mere bagatelle, come on, what happened with Karl?"

"This was, gosh, the first time, you must promise not to tell anyone, I mean it."

"I promise. Of course. Now though..."

"Okay, two months ago, I guess, we'd been seeing each other in our seminar group, and, sort of, hit it off, I did fancy him, I mean I knew I did, but, I thought, so what, he's... well... you know."

"He's very fanciable, yeah."

"I know, lots of girls, I've heard a few talking about him."

"And you..."

"What?"

"Had you fantasised about him? When you... used my dildo?"

"Well..., yes, actually, I did think of him, gosh. So naughty. Anyway, we were here, it was still quite early, but both of us were finished for the day-"

"-hold on, slow down a little, what did you think of? What had you fantasised?"

"Oh, nothing, I can't."

"You can."

"I... when I used your, you know, I imagined, I mean, I imagined him pushing me onto my knees, and I undid his trousers, pulled them down, his underwear, I... I kissed your dildo, and imagined it was Karl, I imagined... oh Sali, I thought of looking at his penis as it was released, so hard, already, hot, stiff, holding him, I imagined holding it, his hot hard penis, and taking it in my mouth, on my knees, I felt so dirty, this is what I did, in front of the mirror, another time, I knelt and sucked it, as I touched myself, looking, pretending."

"Laila, wow, I knew it, I knew you were a filthy one."

"I am aren't I. Sorry, it's bad isn't it."

"It's good, are you silly? It's wonderful, being filthy, anyway, carry on, in real life...?"

"I hadn't meant to invite him over, I hadn't planned it, we'd just walked together, and, we were here. I asked if he wanted coffee."

"Of course. Do you drink much coffee?"

"No. You know I don't, I had tea. He had, anyway. We were in the kitchen, our kitchen, at the table, kitchen and Karl was staring at me. I said "What?"

He said "Nothing."

But he was looking at me in a way I hadn't seen him do before, with something else in his eyes. I... I felt... turned on, I looked back at him, so, our eyes were locked, and suddenly I was so nervous, I mean, breathless. I said, I am so innocent I know, I asked "What is it?"

And he said, quietly: "I really want to kiss you."

He was still staring at me. My stomach tumbled, I was... I knew I was... god, I knew I was suddenly so damp. I head myself saying, looking at him:

"Are you gonna?"

He sat closer to me, next to me, and leant in, I barely moved, but I didn't back away, I wanted to kiss him, I was suddenly desperate for this. I knew it was, well, my parents, my background, his, this was so, I was so, his lips were almost, but not quite touching mine, I could feel his breath on me, on my lips, and then we touched, his lips touched mine, it was amazing, electric, breathless, I was trembling, his lips tasted amazing, soft, full, just, just slightly moist, and then I felt his tongue, touching my lips, I opened my mouth to him, and we kissed harder, I pushed my tongue onto his, oh god, I was holding back, but I was so turned on, absurdly so, with a kiss, I was kissing a guy, not a nice young Asian boy, this handsome sexy desirable white guy.

I moved closer to him, I felt my desire rising, a loss really, something missing, or replaced by something more physical. The thought drove my body, which caused the thought: I didn't need to stop, we might not stop, I could, I could. And, he touched me, Karl moved his hands from my arm, my leg, to my breasts, oh gosh, he was feeling my breasts, through my clothing, I felt his hand cup me there, hold me, stroke my breasts, and feel my nipple, I knew it was so stiff, I heard myself moaning, almost, knowing what he was doing, gently stroking his hands over my breasts. He pulled me closer, dragged my chair closer to his, and I felt his leg between mine, pushing my knees apart, pushing my dress up, away, over my legs, and, oh, Salima, he touched me there, he moved a hand down to my bare leg, my thigh, I felt his hand stroking, holding my naked thigh.

The thought kept coming back to me, filling me: I didn't have to stop him, we didn't have to stop, we might not stop. I did before, other boys, I had always stopped them, but I knew I didn't have to, I knew... I didn't want to. His touch was thrilling, I wanted more, suddenly I knew I'd let him do more, touch more of me. I wouldn't stop, my arousal blossomed within me as I let this thought erupt: I would let him do whatever he wanted.

I kissed him harder, and... and touched him, I moved my hand to his leg, and held him there, as he stroked my breast, my tight tender nipple, the bare skin of my leg. And up, oh Sali, he moved his hand along my thigh, until I felt him, I felt his finger against my... against my sex... and I knew, I mean, I was so hot for him, I knew he'd feel this, the heat of me, the warmth and wetness of my aching trembling pussy, I knew he'd know now, he'd know I was completely aroused. I wanted him to, it aroused me more, to know he'd know, for him to feel my woman's reaction, my body's, the physical proof of my desire, uncontrolled, oh god, it was so nice, he pushed harder, still so gentle really, but pressing the edge of his fingers against my... against the lips of my sex, I found my hand drifting up his leg, drawn up, I couldn't stop it, I slid my hand along his thigh, until I lifted it, knowing, I knew what I was doing, I held it over him, then, softly, god, placed it over his crotch."

"Oh Laila, oh god, you touched his cock, oh god, what did you think? What was it like?"

"Sali, he was, I mean, I felt his penis, I knew what I was doing, for the first time, I had my fingers on a boy's penis, it was so weird, he was, his penis was so hard, I realised, he was aroused, his penis was erect, I felt this hard bulging curved ridge, I touched him there, I opened my fingers and held it. And I felt myself become so wet, I knew he'd feel moisture through my knickers, I knew he would, this felt so dirty, so good, so pleasurable, I squeezed his penis, he felt huge, so hard, it was so hot and hard, and then he had both hands on my legs, and was pushing my skirts up. I realised, oh my god, this thought, I realised he wanted to... he wanted to... he was ready to have sex, with me, this was, he wanted to do this, so normal, so natural, he wanted to... he wanted to fuck me. I knew I wouldn't, I couldn't, and this thought let me carry on. I'd stop, I knew I'd stop, so I didn't have to stop, not quite yet.

But we stopped kissing, he pulled back, and looked down, we both did, he had lifted my dress over my legs, we could both see my long dark legs, he kept pushing, lifting my skirt, exposing me, like no-one had before, no boy had seen this much of me. I looked at his crotch, at the large bulge of his aroused penis. We kissed again, fell into each other, I didn't care what he thought of me, at this moment, I didn't care if all he wanted was a quick fuck with some little Asian slut, I just wanted this feeling to carry on, the pleasure was unreal to me, like nothing I'd felt before, like, I don't know, a drug, my entire body was tingling, like... like when you're exhausted sometimes, completely tired, nearly asleep, we kissed, harder, our tongues were touching, stroking, I held his hard cock harder, and felt his hands pushing my skirt up, completely exposing my legs, and my crotch. He looked again, we looked, at the bunched black material now around my waist, and the white cotton material that was all that shielded his gaze from my sex. And he saw, I could see, I could taste myself, the thick sweet scent of my pussy, and we could both make out a large wide shadowy patch of wetness in the gusset of my panties.

Slowly, deliberately, he touched me there, I saw him extend his forefinger and touch this large damp spot where my underwear was sticking to my wet pussy. He touched, I gasped, he pushed his finger directly onto my vagina, my virgin genitals. I stroked him, my eyes were closing, I wanted him to touch more of me, he ran his finger along the thick moist seam of my labia, as my hand froze, I couldn't move I was so aroused, I could feel his penis throb, I could feel him getting harder, and then, oh Sali, both of his hands were holding the top of my knickers, and he started to pull them down.

Oh god, I let him, I let him take my knickers off, I let a boy pull down my panties, my skirt pushed up, my legs bare, his hands on me, he pulled, and I let him, he tugged at the sides, they started to slide away from my hips, over my waist, we were kissing, I was gripping his penis through his trousers, but I wanted to see him strip me, I looked, I watched him easing the thin white cotton away from my dark skin, I could already see the peak of my pubic hair sprouting above the waistband of my knickers, I was suddenly worried he'd think I was too hairy down there, I am, god, my pubic hair is so thick, I've never done anything too it, he pulled, the sides came down, then the middle, I could see my thick dark hair coming into view, he was staring straight at me, down, between my legs, as he pulled, and pulled, I lifted my bum, without thinking, encouraging him, more, god, and my knickers were no longer hiding my woman's parts, the gusset stuck to my wet skin, then sprang away, he pulled and my knickers peeled away from my genitals, he kept pulling them along my legs, down, over my knees, taking them completely off, he pushed them to my ankles, and... and I lifted my feet, one at a time, so he could pull them away from my legs, god, I lifted my bare leg for him, just, sort of, spreading them as I did, knowing, I was naked there, I was naked from the waist down, lifting my leg for him.

He picked up my knickers, breaking our kiss, and placed them on the table by the side of us, lay them there, I looked, we both did, at the long dark stripe of wetness at the centre of the crotch part.

And he looked down, I suppose my legs were tight together, I looked, god, I looked at my exposed legs, for the first time, I was showing some of my bare body to a boy, my eyes travelled along my long thighs, to the top, to the dark protruding nest of my pubic hair. I looked at him looking, his eyes, his gaze was like the most intimate physical examination, then his hands were stroking my bare skin again, gently, god, so softly, along my thighs, up, down, up, and I felt his fingers touch my pubic hair, he touched me there, I felt him touch the thick humid flattened thatch of dark hair covering my pubis, just, just above my sex, his touch sent these huge waves of trembling sensation through me, I kissed him again, I pulled his mouth back to mine, his tongue, his sweet soft lips, and he pushed his hands between my thighs, still together, he slid one hand between the tight closed skin of my legs. And... and I moved my legs apart for him.

I knew what I was doing, but it was still like my body was making decisions for me, my desire, my arousal, my pussy was demanding I carry on, I don't stop. I didn't stop. I kissed him, breathlessly, and felt his hands slide along the tender skin of my inner thighs, I pushed my legs apart for him, oh god, he was going to touch me, touch my... my..."