Without Reservation

In the end, it wasn't fair to her either. She was in her last semester of a rigorous undergrad program at one of the best universities in the country. It had taken a lot of work for her to unclutter her life so she could focus and finish well. She needed this time. She needed to be selfish and work on her own things. And no matter how bad I wanted her, I couldn't ask her to change her path.

Suddenly, I understood her anger because I felt it too. This perfect gift had been dropped in our laps at a time when we simply couldn't unwrap it. The fact that we both wanted to was irrelevant. It simply wasn't our time. Maybe it would come around again, but for now it just wasn't right.

I let the anger wash over me. I let it consume me. In several minutes I was surprised to find that it had already faded into frustration. I looked up at her for the millionth time that weekend and saw that her anger had subsided as well.

Neither of us wanted to finish eating, so we started walking back to the room. She caught my hand again in the hallway and pulled on my fingers a little. I turned my face to her and was surprised to find her smiling again. "This really was an amazing weekend," she said. "I have so much to thank you for." She brought my face up to hers and kissed my lips lightly. "You know, the timing... it's just bad timing..."

"I know, Beautiful. No regrets. Just happy memories. And aching thighs to remind me."

She laughed then and yelled, "Last one to the room is a rotten egg." We took off at a run for the elevator and raced back up to the room. When we got there, we collapsed on the bed in a fit of giggles.

When I had caught my breath again, I said, "You didn't need to thank me back there. The pleasure was all mine." She kissed me again and then got up to pack. Even though I knew we were doing the right thing, I couldn't bring myself to watch her pack. I laid in bed and read while she got her stuff together.

"OK, then. I think I have everything."

I nodded, "Yep."

"Need any help with anything?"

"Nope. I've got it."

"You'll call? We'll ride together to the next meeting?"

Nodding again, I said, "Of course, just like always."

I got up and walked to her and she wrapped me in a warm embrace. I held her close for a second and then kissed her cheek, her forehead, and her other cheek. "Take care."

"You too."

The door closed behind her. I stood for a minute, trying to assess the damage to my heart. After a short bit, I realized that there wasn't any. The initial anger had passed, and so had the frustration. All that was left was a happy glow and a fantastic story. My body was sore but I felt great. I felt like all the things she said I was: strong, beautiful, funny, smart. Sexy.

I was also well-rested, well-fed, and well-fucked. At that moment I couldn't imagine that life could really get much better than this.