Without You Pt. 02

Amy was close to tears as she walked to the bus stop, angry and upset that she had let things get so far out of hand with Hannah, wondering if their friendship had been irreparably damaged. She'd been trying to keep the peace with Hannah for weeks but the nerves of seeing Jenny again meant that she snapped. She contemplated postponing the date to try to get into a better state of mind but didn't want to spook Jenny when it had obviously taken a lot of courage to ask her out in the first place.

Across town, Jenny was having her own crisis. It had taken her weeks to work up the nerve to ask Amy out, and that was after building a connection over text message. She was feeling sick and her heart was racing, and she hadn't even left the house yet. She was currently sat on her bathroom floor feeling like she was going to be sick at any moment, having tried all relaxation techniques she could think off.

To try to take her mind off her panic, she thought again about getting a dog. Helen had been badgering her for months to get a dog, thinking it would get Jenny out of the house and be almost her own therapy dog. Jenny was starting to come around to the idea and had begun looking at ads on the internet, wanting to try adopting a rescue dog rather than getting a puppy.

Making a decision, Jenny sent a text to Amy, saying she wasn't feeling up to going out, but did Amy want to come around for lunch instead? Amy was relieved when she got the text, her emotions weren't really up for a 'date' date either and although she was sad that Jenny didn't want to go out, she was pleased that she still wanted to see Amy. Confirming Jenny's address and saying she would bring in something for pudding, Amy set off across town.

Once it was only Amy Jenny had to deal with, instead of being out in general, she felt much better, but still internally beating herself up about having to change plans again, especially when she had really come to like Amy and did want to see if she could have another relationship, hopefully a healthier one than the one with she ended up having with Jane.

By the time Amy was knocking on the door, Jenny had calmed down a lot. She had spent the past hour looking at the dogs available for adoption at the local animal shelter. She opened the door and smiled brightly at Amy, "Thank you so much for coming and accepting the change of plans."

"No problem, always happy to have lunch, thanks for the suggestion."

Walking into the kitchen, Amy saw Jenny's laptop open on the animal shelter's page and said, "Are you getting a dog? Oh my god, how could you pick between all of these beauties - wouldn't you want to take all of them home?"

Jenny smiled at the easy conversation opener, "I know what you mean, but yes, I am looking to get one, Helen has been on at me for a while. I was thinking of going this weekend to have a look, fancy coming with me?"

"I'd love to, I wish I could have a dog, our landlord won't let us."

Jenny showed Amy the rest of her flat, she lived in a converted townhouse and was on the ground floor, with sole access to the garden, although it wasn't warm enough to sit outside. They ate the simple salad that Jenny had prepared, talking more on the conversations they had been having over text. Moving through to the living room after lunch, Jenny said, "Thanks again for the change of plans, I wasn't in a good place this morning."

"Hey, no problem, I'd had an odd morning as well, a nice quiet lunch was just what I needed."

Jenny felt like she should ask more but didn't know how and so lapsed into a comfortable silence. After a while Amy asked when Jenny would like to go to the animal shelter. Jenny checked the website again and saw that it was still open for another few hours. "We could go now if you're not in rush this afternoon."

"Nothing else to do and even if I did - looking at dogs beats most things."

"Let me just get the names of the dogs I'm interested in from the website and the directions."

When the got to the animal shelter two of the dogs that Jenny had been looking at had already been reserved. The guy at the reception suggested they walk past all of the kennels and see which ones Jenny would like to look at further. He would then let them out individually to the play area to see which ones connected with Jenny the most. Walking up along the glass fronted kennels, both Jenny and Amy had a hard time not writing down the name of every dog there and by the time they had got to the end, they hadn't managed to rule out any.

On their second trip past, Jenny stopped in front of the window of the dog that she had originally seen on the website. Looking at his bio sheet she saw that her was a lurcher cross breed and approximately six years old and his name was Milo. When she had stopped, he had come up to the window and was wagging his tail. Amy smiled at Jenny and said, "He looks like he was waiting for you, shall I go and tell the guy you want to see him?"

"Yes please."

An hour later, after endless rounds of fetch Jenny was ready to take Milo home that instant. She went to speak to Dan at the desk and asked to complete the application form. She completed the form and paid a deposit, arranging for someone to come and do a home visit the next day. All being well, she could collect Milo in the next couple of days. Amy was the more inquisitive of the two and asked Dan how likely it was that Jenny would get to adopt Milo.

"Well, from what Jenny has told me I can't see any issues. Working from home is a big plus, we don't like our dogs to be left alone all day. And from what you've said about your flat, with the garden, I can't see anything being a problem, it should just be a formality."

As they were leaving, Dan gave Jenny a checklist for preparing to get a dog. Looking down the list she asked Amy if she minded if they stopped at the pep superstore to get most of the items. They had lots of fun picking up far too many dog toys, a really nice dog bed, lead and harness, food and water bowls and the dog food recommended by the shelter.

Amy helped Jenny set up the dog bed and bowls, ready for inspection the next day. The excitement and distraction had helped Amy forget about the argument with Hannah and it wasn't until Jenny asked if Amy would like to stay for dinner, or if she wanted Jenny to run her home that she forgot. Amy checked the time and saw that Hannah wouldn't have left yet, so she didn't really want to go home and face the music, especially after having such a lovely day with Jenny. Suggesting they get a takeaway and watch a movie, Amy put off thinking about Hannah for a bit longer.

As Jenny picked up the phone to order the takeaway, it started ringing, seeing it was Helen, she quickly answered it. "Hi Helen, what's up?"

"What do you mean what's up, where are you? You were coming round for dinner."

"Oh yeah, I forgot, sorry we lost track of time?"

"We? Are you still with Amy?"

"Yes."

"Shit, sorry hun. Carry on, I can see you tomorrow."

"OK, see you tomorrow - but you'll have to come here. I'll text you in the morning." Jenny placed the order for the takeaway before turning back to Amy. "I forgot I was meant to be having dinner with Helen. She'll have to cope with her curiosity until tomorrow."

"Her curiosity?"

"Yeah, I know full well that the only reason she wanted to have dinner tonight was to see how today had gone."

"Oh yeah, and what will you say to her."

Jenny took a few moments to respond, barely picking up the slightly suggestive tone Amy was using. "Um, well, I'm still annoyed that I had to change our plans and I'm delighted about Milo, but really, the nicest thing is how comfortable I am with you - I was worried that it wouldn't be so easy once it was in person instead of over text."

After an opening like that, on any other date, Amy might have taken the opportunity to move closer and perhaps even chance a kiss, but she wanted to be sure with Jenny, the risk of moving too fast and ruining everything too great. Instead, she smiled and said softly, "Me too, I've had a lovely day."

By the time they had eaten dinner, Amy felt sure that Hannah would've left the flat and was happy to go home. Jenny offered to give her a lift and promised to let Amy know how the home visit from the animal shelter went. As Amy got out of the car, she again thanked Jenny for a lovely day and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek, hoping that Jenny had felt the bolt of electricity that she had at the contact.

When Jenny got home, she tidied up the flat, making sure she was happy with everything for the next day. As she sorted out the cushions on the sofa, she found Amy's phone. Contemplating taking it back there and then, she remembered that Amy had said she was going straight to bed and decided against it as it was close to midnight. Instead, she would drop it round first thing in the morning. Going to bed herself she fell asleep with a smile on her face remembering the day - both Amy and Milo vying for her excitement.

Jenny was woken up after a while by the phone ringing. Answering it half asleep, she hadn't realised it was Amy's phone. Before she could say anything, a voice shouted down the phone.

"Ames, Ames, you've missed out on the best night. It was so much fun - like Halloween in our second year - and you missed it. I hope the date with the social pariah was worth it. Honestly Ames, you have to come out more, I don't know what's up with you..."

Jenny wondered if late night phone calls from Hannah were always like this and if she would ever notice that it wasn't Amy on the phone.

"...anyway babes, I'm not coming back tonight, I totally pulled. See you tomorrow."

It took Jenny a lot longer to get back to sleep. Although she was mildly upset about Hannah's opinion of her social skills, it wasn't exactly news. What worried her more was if Amy felt like she was choosing between a possible relationship with her and her best friend, she might end up frustrated and more than disappointed when Jenny's issues were in full swing. Amy had said she was sure that she wasn't interested in going out at the moment, but was that just in comparison to Hannah - what would she think if Jenny cancelled on her as she had done this morning? Eventually falling into a fitful sleep, Jenny wondered if she would get an answer tomorrow.

Jenny knocked on Amy's door just before 10 am the next day. After a while, Amy answered the door, still looking half asleep, in her pyjamas and a robe. "Jenny! We hadn't arranged to meet had we?"

"No, no, I just came to drop this back. I found it last night but it was too late to bring it back."

"Thanks, I hadn't even realised I didn't have it to be honest. I was wiped out last night."

"No problem, I need to go, I've got to get back for Milo's approval visit."

"Oh yeah, let me know how that goes."

"Of course, I'll text you later. Oh, by the way, Hannah phoned last night, I answered without realising it was your phone, she was spending the night elsewhere and said she would see you today."

"I figured as much - did she say anything else?"

"No not really, I'm not sure she even realised she wasn't speaking to you." Jenny didn't feel right telling Amy about the rest of Hannah's drunken rant and quickly left to get back to her flat. Amy checked her phone and saw that the phone call from Hannah was a few minutes long, much longer than was needed to say she wasn't coming home. She hoped Hannah hadn't said anything else to Jenny, who had seemed more unsettled than she had the night before.

Amy got more anxious as the day went on, not hearing from Jenny and not wanting to bombard her with texts. When she still hadn't heard by the afternoon, she simply sent, 'Any news on the home visit for Milo?'. Thankfully she got an almost immediate response.

'Hey, I was just about to text you. Visit went well this morning, the guy phone the shelter straight away to say I was suitable, and they said I could collect him today. Helen and I have just been to collect him. It's a provisional adoption to start with, the shelter will drop in at some point and then have a review meeting in the next couple of weeks. X'

The message was sent with a picture of Milo playing with one of the toys Amy picked out. Just as Amy was about to reply, Hannah finally returned. She came in, clearly hungover, looking the worse for wear, reminding Amy of every reason why she didn't like going out. Despite the argument from the previous day, Hannah was still Amy's best friend, so she did what she always did when Hannah was in such a state, she made some tea, and cheese on toast.

When it was ready, she took it all through to Hannah who had collapsed on the sofa, her arm slung over her eyes. Hannah stirred when she heard the cup and plate being put on the coffee table. "Amy, this is why I love you, you know exactly what I need."

"You wouldn't need this if you didn't wreck yourself at night."

"Yeah but it's so much fun."

"So where did you stay last night?"

"I told you on the phone, I pulled."

"I wanted to talk to you about that actually, you didn't speak to me. I'd left my phone at Jenny's flat and she answered it. I can tell the call was much longer than was needed to say you weren't coming home. Is there any chance you want to tell me what you said, bearing in mind your opinion on Jenny from yesterday?"

Straight away Amy could see this was the right question to ask. Hannah had a weird knack of remembering conversations, even when drunk, so she couldn't pretend she didn't know.

"Oh fuck, Hannah, what did you say?"

"Um, nothing much really, I said I'd had a really got night and said you needed to come out more..."

"and..."

"I might have said she was a social pariah."

"Fucking hell Hannah, what is wrong with you? I know you thought you were speaking to me but that's still shit, you know how much I like her, yes it would be nice if you got on with someone I'd like to spend more time with but at the very least you should show me some respect. You really need to grow up or one day you'll wake up over 30 hanging out in student clubs when all your friends have moved on and settled down. I need some air, I'm going out. Enjoy the cheese on toast, it might be the last you ever get from me."

For the second time in two days, Amy left the flat in anger. This time she had nowhere to go. She could call other friends, but they were friends with Hannah as well and it might be weird. And she had no idea what to say to Jenny, no wonder she was a bit off when she dropped the phone round. The connection she felt with Jenny was so strong it almost scared Amy, even without any physical intimacy Jenny felt like a missing part to Amy's puzzle - one that she only recently realised was missing.

The problem with Hannah was becoming too big to continue to ignore. Even if they did manage to remain friends, living together didn't seem to be an option any more. Amy had been wandering around while brooding and had unconsciously made her way to Jenny's side of town. Deciding to take a risk, she made her way to Jenny's building and worked up the courage to knock on the door, smiling for the first time in ages when that resulted in a series of playful barks from behind the door and Jenny trying to calm Milo down.

When Jenny opened the door, she was surprised but delighted to see that it was Amy. She ushered Amy is so that she could let a struggling Milo down from her arms and said, "Hi, nice to see you, Helen's in the other room. You just couldn't wait to see Milo huh?"

As Amy tried to walk through to the sofa and pet Milo at the same time, she answered, "that is a massive bonus to be fair, but really I was just stretching my legs and ended up this side of town."

"That's quite a walk."

"Well yeah, but I'd just had a fight with Hannah so wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. Hey Helen, good to see you again."

"Hi Amy, sorry to hear about you and Hannah fighting, anything we can do to help?"

"A room that's available, a therapist and an art gallery that will show my work?" Amy continued to play with Milo who seemed to have remembered her from the day before. When neither Helen or Jenny had said anything for a bit, she looked up to see them looking at each other in a funny way, "What? Have I missed something?"

Helen spoke up, with Jenny sitting quietly but clearly paying attention, "I mean, really between us we probably can do that list."

"Oh god, I was joking really."

"Ok, but why don't we go through that list and see what we can do? Firstly, a room, are you absolutely sure you want to move out?"

"Well, I've stormed out after an argument two days in a row and I'm looking for any excuse not to go back now so I'd say yes. We've been best friends for years, almost like sisters but we've grown apart."

"What are you fighting about?"

"Mainly, that she still wants to go out every night like when we were students. She only seems to want to spend time with me if there is drink involved. She doesn't understand that I don't want to spend 30 minutes with her before she hooks up with some dude in a club. I still want to be friends, but I think if I don't get some space, we'll fall out completely."

"Well I have a couple of suggestions. I have a spare room in the short term, and I knew someone that works at a lettings agency so we can see what your options are, but really you can stay with me for a few months."

"Are you sure, we barely know each other, and it will take a couple of months to get out of the deal with Hannah."

"It's totally fine, I practically stalked you remember, and Jenny cleans thinks well of you so I think it will be fine. I travel a lot for work anyway so if we don't get on it won't be too much of an issue. Of course if Jenny took her finger out and took things to the next level you could just stay here."

"Helen!" Jenny was blushing furiously and simultaneously staring daggers at her sister.

"Oh, come of it Jenny, I know you want to."

"That's not the point." Jenny needed some fresh air so took the opportunity to take Milo to the garden. As she walked out she not so lightly smacked Helen round the back of the head, who simply tidied her hair and grinned at Amy who looked a little stunned herself. When Jenny had left the room, Helen continued. "Sorry if I embarrassed you but sometimes its best to get to the point with Jenny."

"Um that's ok I guess, you know nothing's happened yet though right? Not even a kiss."

"I know but that doesn't mean it won't happen. Anyway, is that an option for your room, in the short term at least, you never know, maybe even just a couple of weeks apart will give you and Hannah the space to move on."

"It would be amazing, thanks Helen. I'll go back tonight, Hannah will be out or asleep anyway and I'll pack a few things to take to work tomorrow and come to yours around 6pm, is that ok?"

"Of course, now the next on your list was a therapist, again I know someone but actually Jenny might be the best to help you there."

"How come?"

"Because I'm working with someone online, provided through the NHS and I really like it." Jenny said as she came back in from the garden with Milo.

"Actually I think I know what you mean, we got a leaflet about it last week."

"I really like it, but you might prefer a face to face session. And although we said we could help with all three of your wishes, the third one - a gallery - might take a little doing so let us get back to you."

"Really you don't have to, already just being able to get out of the flat for a while will be amazing. And you know if you could throw in some time with Milo that would be great too."

The women continued to chat, and Amy relaxed into the company of the sisters, it was nice to see how close they were and Jenny was just as good at teasing Helen at times. After a while, Helen went home, promising to be around got Amy to meet at the flat the next evening. Amy wondered if she should leave as well, give Jenny some space but almost as soon as Helen had left, Jenny offered to make some pasta for dinner and Amy jumped at the chance to stay, not least because Milo had fallen asleep on her lap. She also wanted to stay to apologise for what Hannah had said on the phone, although Jenny did seem more relaxed then she had in the morning. When they sat down at the table, Amy decided to come straight out with it.