tagHumor & SatireWriting Sex Stories When Traveling

Writing Sex Stories When Traveling


"Yes!" Wayne laughed like a maniac, holding his Enraptro-Raygun tenderly in his arms. "Finally, the world is within my grasp. Now, for some field testing..."

"Momma, why is that hairy man over there giggling?" he pointed to me as I sat under the "Terminal 43A" sign, tapping away on my keyboard.

"Shh, quiet, Tommy, it's impolite to make fun of the mentally disabled."

Prowling the shopping mall, Wayne spotted his first targets. The whiny brat was yelling at his mother, a slightly overweight matronly woman with humungous boobs. He pointed his gun at them and pulled the trigger.

"Okay, Tommy, that does it," she said, pulling off her 40DD bra and smacking him across the butt with it so loudly that the security guard standing next to Sears ran halfway across the mall, only to stand by and watch. As the crowd gathered, she pulled down the boy's pants, slid down his white cotton briefs and fitted them snugly over her beehive hairdo.

"Sorry, sir, but that bag is too large to fit in the overhead compartment," she said out of the corner of her mouth, while her eyes were busy admiring her recent manicure. "You really should have checked it."

"But my laptop's in there," I pleaded, struggling with the male attendant for possession of my admittedly oversized bag. Finally, he allowed me to take the laptop out as he hauled the bag off somewhere else in the plane, probably never to be seen again.

"Really, SOME people," I heard her mutter with disgust as she ambled up towards the cockpit.

Wayne noticed an attractive couple in uniform entering the Fredrick's of Hollywood. He grinned and aimed his gun.

Suddenly the young woman ran to the sales counter and started chewing violently on her long nails. The teenaged sales clerk stared at her in shock as the sound of cracking and popping echoed through the store. Wayne laughed as he watched her boyfriend use the distraction to stuff various bras and panties and other unmentionables underneath his shirt and run towards the mall exit, the poor mall security guard hot on his heels.

"Are you going to eat those?" asked the man sitting in the aisle seat as he eyed the bag of potato chips sitting on my popup plastic table thingee. I looked sideways in his direction as I turned my computer screen away from him.

"Uh, no," I ventured cautiously, and somehow managed to move my laptop the few inches it took to avoid his hand as he swiped them off the table.

"Thanks," he muttered as he tore into them. The woman in the window seat giggled. As I turned towards her to give her a knowing smile, I noticed she wasn't giggling at him. She was reading my computer screen. Blushing, I quickly snapped the screen down and tried to slide underneath the seat in front of me. Or the seat in back of me. Or Cleveland.

A bit famished from his morning of perverting the lives of everyday shoppers, Wayne skulked into the food court, bought a couple slices of pizza and sat down at a table. Looking around for potential victims, he suddenly remembered he'd forgotten to get a straw and jumped up momentarily to grab one off of a nearby table. Heading back towards his pizza, he watched with wide-eyes as a short, chubby man nonchalantly stopped by his table, grabbed a slice of his pizza and ran for the mall.

Wayne started to run after him, then stopped and aimed his Enraptro-Raygun at the fleeing man. Suddenly the pizza pilferer stopped, turned around and started shoving the slice into his mouth as fast as his hands could. He made some obscene gurgling sounds as his mouth tried in vain to keep up with his hands and bits and pieces of pizza crumbled around his lips and his cheek ran red with pasta sauce. As people in the crowded food court started to turn in his general direction to see what the fuss was about, the pasta thief slowly put his arms out in front of him like Frankenstien's Monster and ambled through the food court, stopping by every table to grab at least one bit of food from everyone's tray.

"Food!" he shouted in monotone as he walked slowly down the aisles, stuffing whatever he could get into his mouth. "Igor must FEED!"

As Wayne nearly fell to the floor laughing, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I saw what you did," a feminine voice whispered from behind him. He slowly turned around to see a rather attractive young woman wagging her finger at him. "I don't know what that thing is, you pervert, but I think I'm gonna call the security guard."

Wayne grinned as he pulled the trigger. "Please do."

Five minutes later, Wayne was sitting at his table, happily munching away on his last slice as he watched the poor (and very tired) mall security guard hauling away the food thief. Hot on his heels was the nosy woman, tearing off pieces of clothing as she struggled to keep up, her pantyhose down around her ankles. "Please, Mister, PLEASE arrest me!" she pleaded. "I'll do ANYTHING. I'll be a bad girl! I promise! PLEASE?!!!"

"What do you mean my bags are headed to Detroit?!" I was trying not to yell but it was really, really hard. The woman at the counter must have been related to the stewardess because she couldn't keep her eyes off her nails. Or maybe she'd just had a long day. I certainly knew how that felt.

"We'll have our contracted service deliver them to your hotel as soon as they come back," she muttered and pressed some buttons on her computer. "Where were you staying again?"

I heard the last, but I was still one sentence behind. "And when will that be?" My hands were shaking now. "I have a very important meeting in the morning."

She started to answer, but was interrupted by another woman who came out of an office behind the counter. "Sheila, you have a call park on 322."

"Sweet!" the first woman stopped typing suddenly and darted back into the office, leaving me standing there suddenly wondering how long the underwear I currently had on would have to stay clean.

His hunger sated, Wayne wandered through the large department store looking for more people to test his Enraptro-Raygun on. His attention was drawn to a rather loud conversation coming from the perfume department.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of that particular brand." A young blonde saleswoman was across the glass counter from a middle-aged man who was holding an ad from the newspaper out over the glass.

"But it's only been on sale for two days," he was obviously distressed. "It's my wife's birthday and she's gonna kill me."

"Oh," the woman waved him off and picked up a bottle from a nearby display, "give her this one, it's all the rave." She stopped to look over her hair in the mirror. Wayne smiled and aimed his gun.

"But that's five times as expensive!" he fumed. "Do you or don't you honor your advertised specials?"

"Well, excuuuuuuse me, sir, why don't I just go in the back and mix some up in our kettle back there?" she rolled her eyes.

"This is inexcusable!" He stammered. "I demand to speak to your supervisor!"

She sighed and reached into her purse and pulled out her lipstick. "Oh, okay, if you're THAT upset, I guess I could give you a blowjob or something."

"Huh?" he stuttered and dropped the paper on the counter as he watched her apply the pink make-up.

"Come on!" she turned to look at herself in the mirror again. "I don't have all day." She pursed her lips. "Just move over here on this side and open up your fly."


She reached out and grabbed his arm with one hand and started to unbutton her blouse with the other. "Okay, I understand at your age, you may need to see some boobie to get it up."

"WELL, it you're going to be insulting about it!!!" he huffed, straightened up and moved around to the other side of the counter.

"That's more like it," she said as she fell to her knees and started fumbling with his zipper. "Just keep your eye out for more customers."

Just then, Wayne noticed her supervisor, an older brunette, approaching the department. He aimed his gun...

"Just WHAT is the meaning of this?!" the supervisor said with a shocked expression as she noticed the man standing behind the counter, the top of the blonde woman's head bobbing back and forth just above the glass.

"Well," he started to explain, "this employee was being rather rude, you see, and I demanded to speak to her superior."

"That would be me," the brunette said as she walked behind the counter. "Is your complaint being addressed to your satisfaction?"

"Well, actually," he began, then gave a small gasp before continuing," you had this particular brand of perfume on sale..." He let a hand fall on the blonde woman's head and did his best to help her along.

"Oh, yes, THAT," the older woman sighed. "I must apologize again, as we were shorted from the warehouse." She cocked her head to watch her employee work. "I could offer you a rain check."

"Well...err...you see...uhh...my wife's birthday..." His knees buckled a bit, but he grasped the counter with his off hand.

"Oh, dear, I do apologize again," she said and brought her hands down to the bottom of her skirt. "There is just no excuse for such customer service," she said as she lifted up her skirt and bent down. "If you would like, I could let you fuck my ass to make it up to you."

"Well, now," he swallowed hard as he watched her pull down her pantyhose and turn around to offer her backside to him, "that would, indeed, be extremely...oooohhhh...nice of you." He pushed the blonde woman's head away and turned to her boss.

Having scored yet another victory for consumer service, Wayne stayed just long enough to make sure the trio were not interrupted before he walked off towards the mall exit.

"Hello, welcome to the Westin." The cheery woman behind the front desk counter greeted me with a wide smile. Immediately, I looked down to make sure my fly wasn't open.

"Uh, my name is..." I stammered.

"Already got it, sir, the doorman radioed it in from the front drive. Five nights, king, non-smoking?" Her eyes sparkled.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I replied, looked around for the candid camera. Or Ashton and the "Punked" crew.

"How was your trip?" She asked innocently, not realizing the trap door she was opening. "I hope everything went well."

"You don't want to know."

"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that," she frowned, but only for a second. "How about I upgrade you to a mini-suite?"

Okay, here it comes, I smiled to myself. "How much extra?"

She winked at me. "Oh, we're well below maximum for the rest of the week, don't worry about it."

"It's a smoking room, right?"

"Nope, nonsmoking, facing the lake, with a balcony and Jacuzzi and extra sofa bed in case you have company over," she smiled.

Again I looked around for the camera I must have missed. They make 'em REALLY small nowadays. "Internet connection?"

"Wireless high speed DSL free of charge."

I lifted my one bag and placed it on the desk. "The airline lost my luggage..."

She nodded to one of the bellmen nearby and before I could finish the sentence, he placed a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, razor and shaving cream just to my left. My face went red and I started shuffling my feet.

"Oh, yes, and if your bags don't come back before the morning, we can send someone out to get you some clothes."

I looked up over the counter. It was especially tough, 'cause I felt about three feet tall. "Thanks," I squeaked, grabbed the keys and shuffled to the elevators.

"Have a great stay!" At least four voices in unison. I couldn't get out of that lobby quickly enough.

Wayne prowled the dark mall parking lot looking for more victims. His test trials had been successful, but something didn't seem quite right. For the past two hours, every time he saw a potential wrong to right, something went wrong. Finally, he decided to call it a night and go home. He hailed a taxi.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a young woman ran across the street as a cab was pulling up. She was quite attractive, he thought and readied his Enraptro-Raygun as she seemed ready to pounce into the opposite door to HIS cab. Just as she reached for the handle, she looked up and noticed him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, is this your cab?"

His finger gripped the trigger.

"'Cause if it's your cab, I can wait."

His finger tensed.

"Oh, I can see it's your cab." She smiled a wide smile and her eyes twinkled. "Sorry for the mix-up."

Wayne sighed. "No, it's okay, I can walk," he said, smiling back.

"No, I insist," she said. "I've got time."

He reached for the door handle, then thought of something and began to panic. He pointed the gun at the cabbie and pulled the trigger.


I sat in the Jacuzzi and looked out at the moonlight dancing off the lake. I hit the save button on the laptop and sighed. Yet another one for the hopper.

Yep, that's what I get for writing stories while traveling.

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