Written In the Stars Ch. 06

The awkwardness from breakfast didn't abate when Vanessa came home that night. I tried to get her to sit down with me for dinner, but she said she was tired and took her plate up to her room. I couldn't really blame her, I suppose. I had no great answer for how things were going with us. She must have been trying to avoid an awkward morning the next day because she was down earlier than usual, waking me up as she dropped her dinner plate from the night before in the sink without an apology. I knew enough to pretend I was still sleeping as she made her own breakfast, ate, and left for the day without saying anything to me.

But I was still her best friend when she came home that night. I could tell what she needed as soon as I saw the look on her face. Like a scared kid coming home to her safety and security, she walked over without a word and buried her face in my chest and just hugged me. I didn't have to ask and honestly, I didn't want to. That wouldn't help. I just held her as her hurt sobbed out of her into my heart. I never asked her about work specifically for this reason; this had to be her escape from what had to be one of the hardest jobs I could imagine. Like so many nights before, I stayed with her, got her to eat something, drink something and curl up with me on the couch in my arms. She needed to be safe. I was happy to be safe.

After that, things slowly turned back to normal for us. We talked a bit more at first. It wasn't the easy, breezy conversation we were used to, but it was a start. And I was either getting better at hiding my stolen looks or Vanessa didn't seem to mind as much. Still, we never talked any more about that morning or about us. Neither of us was ready for that conversation. Not yet.

Finally, Vanessa agreed to let me cook for her again. She had been pulling in extra hours all week and hadn't been eating the best. I told her that she was going to relax this Friday and let me take care of her. She may have protested, but her smile told me she didn't mind as much as she put on. I was elbow deep in preparation as I heard Vanessa's key in the door.

"Welcome home!" I called out as I added the diced peppers to the stir fry. Vanessa didn't have a wok, so I had to run out and get one while she was at work. She wasn't the most adventurous chef, but I could at least leave something behind for her.

As Vanessa walked in and unloaded the day by the door, I waited for her to notice that I'd cleaned and set the table in addition to making the dinner I promised her. I know she told me over and over I didn't have to, but part of my brain wouldn't forget that I was a guest in her house.

When I finally looked over at Vanessa, I could see the appreciation in her eyes as she looked around. Having twice the people in her place had led to it getting messier than usual. Neither of us was relishing the idea of cleaning the place from top to bottom so she was visibly glad I took the initiative for her.

"Aw Nate, this is great! Are you sure you have to move out? A girl could get used to this sort of thing!" she said, coming around the counter to see what I was cooking as I flipped the ingredients in the wok.

"We'll be living in the same building, Nessa; I don't imagine this being the last time that I do this for you. And you'll have ample opportunity to return the favour," I replied with a smile. Setting the wok back on the stove, I turned down the heat so the sauce didn't burn. "So come on, scoot. I know you're dying to get comfortable after work."

"I suppose I could cook for you, but you'll have to settle for one of mum's recipes," she said as she kicked off her shoes. "But honestly, you're going to be over here all the time anyway. I just can't get rid of you! I even shipped you off to the States and you still came back! " She teased before slipping off and up the stairs to her room to change.

I was busy with all the side dishes and other items for dinner. I lost track of time until she came back out in a comfortable pair of black pants and a loose-fitting t-shirt. Stepping up beside me she asked "So, need a hand with any of this?"

"Just do me a favour and check the timer on the rice cooker. It should be nearly done and then we can eat," I said without looking back. I wondered if Vanessa could tell I added something while she was changing. I knew the dish was nearly ready to come off the stove because the sauce smelled the right combination of savoury, sweet and salty now.

"Five more minutes, you timed it well," She reported from the rice cooker. She was a bit at a loss for what to do as the table was set already; I had forgotten that I probably wrecked our routine when it came to dinner. Lacking any task to accomplish, Vanessa spoke to no one in particular, saying "God I'm hungry!"

"I can tell. Look, once I move into my place upstairs, you're welcome at my place whenever you want. I'll cook for you all the time since I am gonna have more free time now that I'm writing professionally."

I let the pan sit a minute to reduce the sauce a bit more. Standing up, I stretched my arms and rolled my shoulders until they popped; it wasn't easy whipping that big iron wok around for that long. Nessa and I chatted idly, filling the time as the minutes ticked down. Just as the rice cooker got to under a minute, I resumed stirring, mixing and flipping as the timer counted down.

"Okay, serve the rice as soon as it is ready; this recipe needs to be eaten as fresh as possible..." I said as I readied the ladle to serve out the mixed veggies, meats and sauce I'd been working on.

I caught her grinning when I mentioned being a professional writer. She's known longer than most, even my parents, about my desire to live off my writing. Hearing me say as much must have been as big a moment for her as it was for me. The rice cooker beeped and Vanessa popped the lid, scooping some rice into one of the bowls, and slid it across the bench to me before starting on the second one.

I carefully ladled out the contents of the wok over the steaming rice. It was so fresh, the sauce was still sizzling as it sank into the rice slowly. Right on cue, the next bowl slid in and I did the same. I laid the pan back on the stove and turned off the heat. I took the bowls over to the table and set them down on the plates I had set.

"Can you grab us some drinks?" I called back into the kitchen, just before I saw that Vanessa had pulled out the ice water already.

"Already done!" she called back as she brought the drinks in with her. She slid into her seat and took her bowl with a word of thanks before digging in. I watched as she shovelled a few forkfuls in before she sat back and sighed. "Wow, shit, it's official. I am chaining you to my kitchen so you never leave."

I smiled as I joined her at the table and mixed up my own bowl before digging in. "I don't know many recipes beyond this one. I lived above a Chinese takeaway restaurant for a year after college because I wanted to live in the city. I must have eaten there over a hundred times. Eventually, the chef just brought me back and showed me some things so I could make my fave dish on my own."

We fell into idle chit-chat over dinner as usual. From the discussion we were having, Vanessa could tell I was already working on book two in my head. It wasn't any different from how I wrote book one; I would talk it out with her over the phone and then go write some chapters before sending what I wrote to her electronically. It felt good to get back to our routine after the tense breakfast the other day.

Luckily, it seemed like Vanessa enjoyed it when our conversation turned to my book again. As dinner wrapped up, she took the bowls into the kitchen and put them into the dishwasher. Tonight, she surprised me a little when she came back and dragged me over to the lounge instead. Which wasn't easy to do since we had to step over my 'bed' to settle on the lounge. As we curled up, I noticed Vanessa giving the air bed a speculative look.

"That can't be comfortable," she said.

"It's not so bad. Plus, it's nearly over. My stuff should arrive before the weekend and then I can have the movers deliver it on Monday," I said, frowning to myself as I realized how it might sound that I'm looking forward to getting out of Vanessa's place.

In all honesty, I was starting to like my routine here. It was a bit cramped with her upstairs and me down here, but it was working. With a sigh, I dropped down onto her lounge as usual and pulled up the remote.

"What are we watching tonight?" Maybe bad movies would get my mind clear.

"I don't know, we have that movie we didn't finish the other night, or we could just watch the current affairs shows and laugh at the melodramatic crap they try to pull," Vanessa suggested, leaning back into the cushions. I could tell she was still eyeing the air bed dubiously. Finally, it seemed an idea that had been gnawing at her found its way out.

"You know, we could swap if you want. I could take the air bed for the rest of your stay. It would also mean I won't disturb you in the mornings when I'm getting ready for work. Plus, proportionately, it is easier for me to stretch out on it," She offered, running a hand between our heads for emphasis about my height. It wasn't a bad idea; there were more than a few mornings where I woke with my feet hanging off the end of the mattress. Still, I was the guest here.

"No, I am not taking you out of your bed. I couldn't do that; it's your place..." I said resolutely. "Trust me, I can put up with it for a few more days. As for tonight, I think it's time I introduce you to the world of bad Kung Fu Cinema," I said as I searched up some really bad movies from early cinema in Hong Kong.

I caught Vanessa rolling her eyes at my refusal to give up my bed. Still, she left it at that and waited for the movie to start. I knew going into it that it would take some work for her to get into the film. I was glad to hear her laughing at all of the appropriate bits, but something in her posture and tone told me that her heart wasn't in it. That was made clear when she got up halfway through to microwave some popcorn. Still, I enjoyed the movie especially for how badly it was made. I was glad when Vanessa rejoined me, placing the popcorn bowl between us. I crunched a few kernels as her message tone went off.

"Dinner at my folk's place tomorrow. Everyone's coming. Are you in?" She asked. Our parents stopped texting both of us a few days after I started staying with Vanessa. It saved on time and one of us would answer for the other anyway.

"Of course. I'm guessing it's casual?"

"Yeah, just a casual thing," Vanessa said as she tapped at the screen to reply and pushed it back into her pocket.

Turning back to the movie, I shook my head at the bad audio, bad music, bad stunt work, bad... everything. "I can't believe you can't get into this. We used to love laughing at bad movies." I said as I grabbed another mitt full of popcorn.

Vanessa shrugged. "I still do," She took her own handful of popcorn. Her arm brushed against mine and I heard her draw in a quick breath at the contact. I could see on her face that she wanted to say something, but I didn't want to push her just as we're getting back to normal. I felt her relax and lean into me a little more; this was more typical of our movie nights. I smiled over at her as she settled in beside me.

"I wish I knew more about how they went about dubbing these as it's just so bad..." I said with a laugh. Reaching behind her head, I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch. I shook it out a bit to spread it before I pulled it around us.

"They must have worked in completely different studios by the look of it, or the voice actors watched the animation with their eyes closed," Vanessa posited as I pulled the blanket up around us.

It was great to snuggle with her and watch movies again. It was such a mainstay of our lives together through school and after. Still, I could tell something was bugging her. From the way she looked at the air bed, it was clear that she wasn't satisfied with my answer.

"You know, you could just sleep in my bed and not kick me out," she said finally.

There was a long silence after her suggestion. All I could think about was the bad morning we shared... and then the kisses back at New Year's.

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, biting my lips as I kept my eyes on the screen.

"We're adults, Nate. Surely we can just sleep in a bed together?" she asked slowly, "Plus, we get closer on this lounge than we probably would in a bed."

I knew she was right; one of us always ended up lounging over the other towards the end of a movie. It's the way it always had been between us.

I nodded. "That is true. I've had to carry you to bed a couple of times since I got here."

Taking in a deep breath, I made a decision.

"Alright, so long as you don't mind. I've been told I mumble in my sleep." With a smile and a chuckle, I munched on some more popcorn as I watched the movie.

"That's okay, I snore," she replied, a hint of humour in her tone.

As the movie drew on, Vanessa had relaxed a little bit more, but it still didn't feel as casual as we were used to. Glancing at her in my peripheral vision, it looked like the wheels of her mind were still turning over something, but I didn't feel like I should ask. She'd tell me when she was ready.

"You know, we never did discuss that kiss,"

Shit... that's what she was thinking about. She was right about that, but I wasn't so sure that I ever wanted to bring it up after breakfast a few days ago. I finally looked over, turning my head and body to look at her. With a deep breath to prepare myself, I looked deep into the trusting eyes of my best friend and I asked the question we'd been avoiding all that time.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked softly. "Not the first time; I figured that was you being my best friend and helping me not feel like a loser on New Year's... but the second one... Was that real or... or what?"

"Why... why do you think I did it?" she asked, by way of answering.

I knew her too well, though. She only did that when she was stalling. To be honest, that's what I had been doing ever since I moved in, ever since New Year's. I had been trying to avoid this moment ever since, but she had brought it up. I had to meet her halfway at least.

"Because..." I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to think about how I could say what I had come to know since the kiss. "Because my family was right and now I'm the only one that doesn't want to see us together..." I opened my eyes and looked at her, my best friend, as I tried to find the words to explain myself. "But what if they're wrong? What if we're awful together?" I took her hand, trying to plead my case, but even I didn't believe it as the words left my mouth.

"Then you get to be the one who says 'I told you so'."

She didn't pull away; she must have remembered all the late night conversations we had after I got back. We didn't talk about the kiss, but I had a lot of sleepless nights before I moved home.

I couldn't help a light laugh and a smile. I bit my lip as I looked down at our hands. Mine wrapped around hers, hers on top of mine. Her skin was so soft. I could even smell the light scent of the almond lotion she used to keep them that way.

I'd seen her at the breakfast table with curlers in her hair, given her my input on dresses, fought over groceries and discounts... I'd watched my folks do the same thing for years. Maybe we were in a relationship already and I missed it.

"Maybe... maybe it's alright to be wrong on this one..." I said softly, not looking at her.

"Can we find out?" I asked, finally looking up into her eyes.

Vanessa gasped; her eyes widened as she looked into my eyes. I could tell that she was working through what I had just said, what I had just admitted. Maybe she wasn't as ready for this as I thought.

"Are you... are you sure?" She asked, those words so similar to the ones we shared before the kiss on New Year's Eve. Her question hung in the air between us. I felt like we were balanced on a blade's edge now; my answer could determine the fate of our relationship.

I nodded.

"I... I've been thinking about it a lot. Surely, you've caught me staring a few times since I moved in..." I admitted softly, bashfully as I looked into her eyes. "Somewhere along the way, my best friend got all sexy..." I blushed, grinning a little wider.

My words must have surprised her as her breath caught in her throat. I saw a hot blush rise on her cheeks as she bit her lip.

"You think I'm sexy?" she asked, a mix of flattered and shocked.

"I do... I feel kinda embarrassed talking like this with you after so long," I admitted, finding it hard to look anywhere but her eyes. "I'm glad I said something; that air mattress isn't as comfortable as I was letting on," I joked, trying to diffuse the tension a little with my usual comedy.

Vanessa chuckled.

"Yeah, I didn't believe that for a second," she said, looking down at the deflated thing with amusement. "But about the other stuff... I guess it is a bit of a change. I mean, saying things like that and not joking. But, for what it's worth, I think you're rather appealing..." she said, being a little cagy with her words. Looking back, she must have had to have been so careful with her word choice to not let on to me about her true feelings.

In the quiet moment that followed, my hand gently played with hers. "So... what do we do?" I asked finally. It felt like neither of us had thought much beyond telling the other one how they felt and I wasn't sure what a first move would be with my best friend. I just looked at her and swallow, hoping she had some idea.

"Can we give it a go? Us?" she asked, the colour rising in her cheeks. "I know you haven't really thought about it before, but I will admit that I have... and I want to try."

I bit my lip softly as I watched her blush. My eyes flicked to the movie, still going strong on the TV.

"I do, too," I admitted. "But... can we work it out later? The movie's coming to the worst- or maybe, the best part." I said with a grin and a nervous chuckle. I hoped I didn't give anything away with that noise, but Vanessa looked relieved too. I think she was as keen to ease into things as I was.

Settling under the blanket, we turned back to the movie, happily crunching popcorn as we laughed a bit louder at the bad parts of the bad movie. I could feel my body loosening up and holding Nessa felt a bit more natural as we laid there. Soon, we adjusted so that I was laying on the couch with her against my side, her head on my chest to keep watching. It really felt so nice and I remembered pictures of us laying like this so often. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but Nessa was always comfortable getting close to me like this.

As the movie ended, I heard a soft voice. "Nate... would it be okay if I kissed you?" When I didn't answer right away, a flustered Vanessa continued. "I mean, I don't want to pressure you or make you feel rushed or anything..."

I smiled down at her and her nervous fidgeting.

"Nessa... we've known each other all our lives. How could you say we're rushing anything at this point?"

I turned and kissed her slowly, passionately to show her my sincerity. Pulling out of it, I looked into her eyes.

"Plus... I need to know how this feels," I said, reaching up with my other hand to cup her cheek. It was so warm and soft, so tender to touch. I had never touched Vanessa like this and oh, how I wished I had a lot sooner. "Show me..." I whispered, holding Nessa's gaze with my own.

Vanessa became bolder when she knew how much I wanted her. Weeks of us living so close had been building up to this night. It should have been sooner, but there was no helping that. Vanessa moved in closer to press her lips to mine.