Wrote Finis to Her Marriage

My thanks to Bron Zeage for editing this

Merci Monsieur

Fran

*

She wrote Finis to her marriage.

A story of cheating, regrets, pain, divorce, and forgiveness.

What I did, I did of my own free will, most of the time with pre-planning. I cannot blame my drinking, I was never drunk enough not to know what I was doing. I was sober at the planning stage, some of the deeds, I did cold sober.

I have no excuses for what I did. After it was over. I went in therapy. I still did not accept full responsibility for my actions at the time. I was looking for some justification and excuses to placate my conscience. The sad reality is I have no one to blame but myself.

I had a good loving husband. He did nothing to deserve the pain I brought onto him. I and I alone did of my own free will what I did. The reality is I was a slut. I enjoyed everything I did.

The sad tale.

I was shopping one afternoon and came face to face with an old friend, Shane. I had not seen her since college. We hugged and kissed we were happy to run into each other. She was in town visiting in-laws who recently moved to this city. She still lives in our old home town, but on my infrequent visits there had never ran into her. We went to a restaurant to talk and catch-up. We exchanged email addresses, so as not to lose touch again.

"What is going with you, Shane?"

"I married Hank, my old home town boyfriend. You remember him? We have two kids, a boy twelve and a girl seven. About you, Anita, I heard that from your Aunt Julie that your marriage ended in divorce. Is that so?"

"Yes and it was all my fault. I was married to the nicest man you could find. He loved me and I loved him. I ruined everything with my great stupidity and egoistic behaviour."

"How did you do that?"

"I just could not stop myself from being a cheating slut. The worst thing is that I had no justifications. He was good in bed. I was deprived of nothing there, or anywhere else."

"Did you remarry?"

"No. I will tell you the whole sorry tale."

"I was at the time married to very nice man, Andy. You don't know him. He is from this city."

"If he was that nice, why the cheating?"

"As I said, my stupidity and lust. You know I was not really wild in college, but I had some experiences with boys. And I loved to flirt. Unfortunately, I did not stop once married. I ended up cheating on him."

"I remember."

"I loved to dance and flirt when we went out. I always did, as you know. Andy did not like to dance as much as I did, so I danced a lot with others. I always managed to keep the flirting under control. I must admit sometimes Andy had to call me back to order. We had a few mild arguments about it from time to time. He thought I took things too far at times. I did not think so. I was always in full control. The arguments about it became more and more past the mild reproach"

"I understand his side, Anita. A married woman should not be going around flirting, and if I remember right you took thing quite far in college."

"I began in my sick mind, to convince myself that the problem was with my husband being jealous and wanting to control me. In retrospect, my flirting was more borderline cheating. As the arguments got more intense, things began to deteriorate.

"That was not too smart, Anita."

"I had sometimes fantasized about having sex with some of the men I flirted with, even about threesomes, but never seriously. Up to that point I had been faithful to my marriage and Andy."

"What do you mean faithful up to that point? You were flirting with every man in sight and probably had a few petting sessions at least, if not more, if I remember your flirting, as you call it, from college."

"To be completely honest, when dancing out of sight of my husband, I did let men put their hands where they wanted and reciprocated. At the time, I did not consider that cheating. There were mutual masturbation sessions in a guy's car before going in to wait for Andy to arrive. It was not multiple guys, just one. He was older and really liked to masturbate me. I liked this and returned the favour to him. A few times I did him orally, not that he asked for it but I liked doing him. Andy worked later than I did on Fridays, so we had time in the parking lot before I went in to wait for Andy to arrive"

"That was cheating Anita."

"Yes, now I am quite aware of this."

"I really went over the line and really cheated a few months later. I knew I would cheat, I was just waiting for the right opportunity to do it without getting caught."

"It was quiet at work and I took three days off. I went to visit Aunt Julie Mom's younger sister. If you remember, she was always the wild one and she has not cooled down after uncle Mike passed away."

"Yes, I do. She was not exactly a model of fidelity even when he was alive. I heard that she was not too averse even to women. I see her sometimes when we are out. She is seldom alone."

"I was there for three days. On the second night, I wanted to go out for a drink and maybe some dancing. Of course, being without my husband, I danced most with one guy in particular. I ended up quite aroused. I was pushing it, letting him feel me up while we danced. Aunt Julie was doing the same with another guy. She seemed to know them quite well. I won't tell you their names. You know them."

"I suppose I also know their wife?"

I did not confirm this, but she was right. I knew their wives too. One in particular had been a good friend during our school years. This only made me more of a slut. At the time I only thought of myself. I did not care about anyone else as long as I had my pleasure.

"I went to the lady's room with her to talk things over. I wanted to let the guy fuck me and asked if we should go to her place or a motel. In our private emails, we had discussed some of the arguments Andy and I had about my dancing and especially too much flirting with other men according to him. Mind you, at the time I was putting all the blame on him.

"Most cheaters do put the blame on their partner, or at least part of it Anita."

Aunt Julie took my side and hinted that if I should visit her and want to go dancing, she knew just the place where we could probably meet some nice men to dance with and spend a nice evening. I did not tell her in so many words, but she was smart enough to guess the main reason for my visit was to get strange cock while I was there.

She did not answer my question as to where I should go with the guy. As I was bending toward the mirror to check my make-up, she surprised me by running her hand up my legs. I did not protest but spread a little more. She brought her hand to my pussy.

"You are all wet, Anita. You really want to fuck the guy you have been dancing with most of the evening."

"Yes, Aunt Julie. He wants to fuck me to. We will go to a motel. I pushed my hips back to give her more access."

"You did not do that, Anita."

"Yes, I let her caress my pussy. It felt good and it got me even hornier. Someone came in then and we had to stop and go back to the guys. I had decided that I would fuck the one I was with. At this point, I did not see this as anything wrong. It would be a onetime thing and my husband would not know. He would not be hurt and I would satisfy my need of the moment. I forgot that I would know and one day my conscience would make me pay."

"Forget the motel, Anita. I will invite them to my place for a nightcap. I want to get fucked too."

"You say that you loved him, that is hard to reconcile with your actions. Your flirting and this are more the actions of a woman in love with herself and thinking of only her pleasure. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was not thinking, at least not with my head. Later, much later, I realised that I was an immature egotistical idiot and a slut, but I had lost everything by then."

"To make a long story short, we ended up at Aunt Julie's place with the guys. I let him fuck me every way he wanted. I was a real slut and refused him nothing. There came time he had to leave. As I said, he is married."

I continued,

"After he left, I was alone in my Aunt's guess-room and I cried. I had stepped over the line and cheated. I recognized what I had done was cheating. Contrary to the rest of my slips that I considered as just me enjoying my life as it was my right."

"This was a lot more than my mutual masturbating session with Bart in his car. I deeply regretted it. I had thoughts of confessing to Andy. I promised myself that I would, if not stop, at least cut down on my flirting. I lost control this night. What hurt my conscience the most was the fact that I had been a slut and really enjoyed the sex. I planned this with Aunt Julie during a few weeks of emails. It was not a mistake after a few too many drinks. It had been good and I had done this freely. I was not really drunk."

"I hope that you did not do that again."

"I wish this were so. The other guy that was with Aunt Julie finally left. I headed for the shower. I had calmed down by then and convinced myself that what I had done was not so bad after all. My husband would not be hurt he would never know. I would not cheat again."

"And he found out?"

"Not then. The next night we met the same two guys, but we exchanged partners. I was a slut, again. I was really enjoying the sex. I had no thought, except satisfying my lust. Not a thought for my husband during the rest of my visit with her."

"God, Anita. You were an idiot and a slut."

"I was, Shane, to my shame and regrets, but the sincere regrets only came much later."

"On the way home I was really sorry for what I had done. My conscience bothered me a lot for a while. Andy even asked me what was wrong. I made some lame excuses about being tired and maybe coming down with something. It was also my time of the month, a good excuse for being moody. I was a good wife for a while, even cutting down on my flirting on our nights out. Alas this did not last."

She did not say a thing, I continued

"A guy, Gilles, was on loan to us from main office for a few weeks. I could not stop myself from flirting with him. He was cute and rubbing against him, I noticed he was big. I decided I would do him if I got a chance. One day we had an opportunity, there was not much work, I hinted at him that we could knock off work early and go for a drink"

"This time you went after the guy again Anita there is no excuse for a married woman doing that."

"Yes, you are right, Shane. I did go after him and, after a quick drink we ended at a motel. He was big as I suspected and he was a good sex partner. He took all my holes. I cooperated fully. It was a few hours of really good sex, with me getting huge orgasms. I was sexually satiated when I left.

Again, she did not say a word, but just looked at me. I continued.

"I saw him three more time before he was recalled to head Office. I told Aunt Julie all about him and his big cock in my emails. I had opened a private email account, unknown to my husband. She said that the guys would like to see me again, but if I wanted big cocks, she knew just the guy for me."

Again I continued.

"My flirting became more and more brazen and the arguments with Andy more intense and frequent. I even found a way to have a couple of one night stands while he was working overtime. One night when we were at a busy bar, Andy was talking with a few old friends we ran into. I managed to go out to the parking lot and have a mutual masturbation session with a guy. It was hot dirty and thrilling, with the chance of being seen."

"You were trying to get caught, Anita. You really had no respect or love for your husband."

"You are wrong, Shane. I did love him, just not like I should have. Maybe it was lack of respect as you say. I still don't have all the answers for my stupidity then."

"In the meantime, I had decided to visit Aunt Julie, again. I knew I would cheat again, but I was still in that crazy state of mind where I blamed everything on Andy's supposed unjustified jealousy. My mother, she knew her sister well as well as my taste for flirting. When I told her I would visit my Aunt, again, cautioned me against going. She had figured out my reason for going there."

"You were really out of your mind, Anita,"

"Yes I know that now, but I visited my Aunt again with the excuse to Andy that I needed a few days to reflect."

We went out with the same two guys again. Back at Aunt Julie's place, she took me in her arms and gave me a long passionate kiss. This surprised me, but I responded to the kiss.

"Anita I would really like for you to do me a favour and let me watch you get fucked."

This was a shock at first, but she kissed my neck, sucked my earlobes, and inserted a hand in my panties to caress my cunt. I did not protest but just moaned and decided that this would really be hot and dirty. It aroused me more. Again, I had very little to drink prior to coming to her place. I can't blame liquor.

One guy said. "Julie, make out with her to get us hot, then we will double team her for your pleasure. Okay with you Anita?"

"Yes." I was so hot. I just wanted to be fucked.

In my state of mind, this seemed like a very good idea. I often fantasized about doing threesomes in the past. With my Aunt watching, it only made it seem hornier. I helped Julie undress me on the way to the bedroom. Once there, she told me to get on my knees in front of her.

"We must give the guys something to help them wait until we are done."

"You are telling me that you actually went through with this."

"Yes Shane. She tied my wrists together behind my back with her scarf and pulled my head back with her hand in my hair and caressed my cunt with her other hand. The guys in turn fucked my mouth and dumped their load deep in my throat. This was so dirty, especially being held tight and being used. It sent me out of this world. I had a big shaking orgasm. She then took me to the bed and we made out good. I really got into it. We ended with a long sixty-nine. It was some of the best sex I had ever had."

"I think I will get friendly with your Aunt Julie when we get home. Just hearing this makes me hot, Anita," she said, with a laugh.

"By the time we had our breath back, the guys were ready to go. I straddled one, and the other got behind me and took my ass. My first double penetration. It was an experience to remember. I came like I had never came before. I decided that I would want that again. For the rest of the night I was fucked in all my holes. I had a cock in my mouth and one either in my ass or cunt. I was again double penetrated a little later. I begged for it, as I remember. In between that I made out with my Aunt. By the time the guys left I was exhausted so was Aunt Julie and I am sure the two guys were fucked out."

"I have never been double penetrated, Anita, but it sounds hot."

"My advice, talking from bitter experience, Shane, yes, it is hot and like nothing else, but it is not worth loosing the man you love."

"Maybe a woman should have the right to try it once, Anita."

"Don't be stupid, Shane. It is not worth it. Take my word for it. I have been there."

"The next day as I got up I was sore and I begun to realise what I had done and what I was doing to my life and probably to Andy. He was not stupid. He surely suspected something. This had to stop. I needed help and I would seek it."

"Did he suspect and did you get help?"

"He did suspect and probably knew. I did seek help, but much later when it was too late and I had lost him."

"But you said that at that moment you realised your mistake."

"Contrary to what I thought, I was not yet fully realizing the extant of my folly, but enough to tell Aunt Julie that I would not stay until the next day to meet her friend with the big cock. I would go home and see if I could fix my marriage. It was going downhill fast, I now realised. At least I reasoned that to my relief that I was waking up. Things would be better now. I was wrong. One does not break a bad habit that easily without help or a shock. Ask any recovering alcoholic. The shock was coming and would hit me like a freight train."

Andy took me to a resort for a week-end of relaxation to celebrate my birthday and also maybe we could get a new start. He was at the end of his patience with me. I was excited. It would be a weekend all to us. A chance to make things right. I was full of good intentions.

The place was lovely. We got there early Friday afternoon. There was a pool, a spa and a bar with a dance floor that was almost a ballroom. The room had a nice view on the lake and mountains. I loved it. This was going to be a lovely weekend. Little did I know my marriage would come to an end in this place..

We spent a good part of the afternoon in the pool. A guy hit on me but not too openly. I did not discourage him. To the contrary, I encouraged him. He was nice, tall and sexy. We had time for a few words when Andy had to go to the bathroom..

'If I may introduce myself, my name is Mike."

"Mine is Anita."

"Too bad you are not alone. We could get together later, but you husband would surely not approve," he said with a little laugh.

"We never know what later can bring. I may be able to get away from my friend."

To this day I don't know what made me refer to Andy as my friend. Unless like my analyst said I had decided to let him know that I was available.

Andy was on the way back we did not say anything more, but I was seriously tempted. I even seriously wondered if there was a way I could get away from Andy for a few hours during the week-end. Mike was with a friend. I had done two guys at Aunt Julie's and loved it. I fantasized a bit about doing them both, if I had a chance. I shook my head and decided that this was not a good idea. We were here to put our marriage back on track. I had promised to myself that I would mend my slutty ways. The idea and fantasy kept re-surfacing, through the rest of the afternoon and dinner.

The food was excellent. After a lovely dinner, we went for a walk. The panorama was lovely and I was getting in a nice mood.

"Anita, we have to talk seriously, while we are here."

This worried me a bit. He normally addressed me as Ann.

"About what?"

"As long as we are here, we have to get a few things settled. You will have to put a stop to your flirting all the time. You are getting more and more brazen, even in front of me and my friends. I don't know for sure if you have been unfaithful up to now, but it is surely coming the way you are going."

It got me a little cross that he chose that moment to bring this up and that he had almost accused me of cheating. Especially considering that I had already decided put an end to my behaviour. I did not need him to go there, now. I told him I understood and had never cheated but would stop the flirting.

"Well, you did not stop it this afternoon by the pool."

This pissed me off more. I understood later that he was right and that is what got me mad. The truth. Only much later did I come to understand that my getting pissed at him was only justification for what I did and planned to do.

It was getting dark when we went back to the room. I told Andy that we should go for some dancing before calling it a day and getting to bed. The first dress I tried on, I found too conservative. I left it on the bed and chose one that hid practically none of my charms with a matching bra and thong. I did not look like a slut, but like a woman on the prowl. I wanted to impress every man in the place, Mike, in particular. He surely would be there and it let him know that I was interested and available.

It sent the wrong message to every man in the place, but this was what I wanted. I was a little pissed at Andy and he needed to learn that I was a grown woman and made my own decisions. It's strange that we only realize our mistakes after the fact, sometime.