Wrote Finis to Her Marriage

"He still loves you. He has been dead inside since the divorce."

"I still love him too. Please tell him. I have been celibate since that night, Mark. No more dancing or flirting or even dating"

"I know, Anita. I am the chief of detectives in this town," he said with a big smile.

I did not hear from Andy. I was discouraged. About a year and a half later I went for a walk. My Mom lives pretty close to the bar where I used to go with Andy. I sometimes walk there and stay outside in front, remembering the good times and doing a little crying, regretting how I badly hurt a good man and also feeling sorry for myself. I think maybe in the hope of seeing Andy go in or out. I know he sometimes goes for a drink. Mutual friends tell me he does not date.

I was standing there with tears in my eyes when I felt a presence behind me and a voice.

"Nice to see you here. Are you going in?"

I turned around.

"Andy! No I never go in, I just stand here remembering the good times and then go back to Mom's."

"You have been crying. Come in I will buy you a drink."

"Do you think I should? I am not dressed to go out."

I lost all interest in dressing or making myself up since my divorce.

"I am in jeans and T-shirt. Come."

I was so happy that I almost tripped over my own feet following Andy in the place.

We turned a few heads going in. People knew we were divorced. We sat at a table in the back and ordered. I ordered a soft drink.

"I cut down on my drinking, Andy." As a matter of fact, I hardly touched the stuff anymore, except for maybe a glass of wine with a meal.

"I heard. You are not seen much around town, where do you hide?"

"I am still in therapy once a month, Andy. I hardly go out anymore. How about you?"

"I sometimes come here for a quick drink, no social life to speak of."

I had heard that he was not dating.

"I heard you no longer work at your old place?"

"The Firm I worked for was taken over. The new owners started to cut staff and pile the work on those that were left. I quit and now work for a smaller firm owned by a woman. She treats us like family. She is funny, she calls us her little girls but she is younger than most of us."

We were silent for a while.

"And you Andy, still with the same firm?"

"Yes, I got a promotion and bought a piece of land and a cottage up north. I have pictures in my cell. Here, I will show you."

The place looked nice and peaceful on a beautiful lake with mountains in the background.

"I go there by myself to relax and reflect, Anita."

At this point a man came to our table. I knew him from the past he was a very good dancer and I used to take every opportunity to dance with him.

"Anita, I have not seen you in a long time, how about a dance?"

"No thanks."

"A rain check then, for the next one?"

"No rain check for the next one or any other. I am sorry. Thanks for asking."

This seemed to surprise both him and Andy. Andy gave me a questioning look.

"Andy my dancing and flirting days have been over since that fateful night."

"You no longer enjoy dancing?"

"There is only one man in this world that could get me on a dance floor now, Andy."

"Who is that, John Travolta?"

"No. The man is sitting across from me at this table."

"If you feel that way. I am no better dancer than I was, but will you accept to dance with me for a few dances?"

"It would be my pleasure, sir."

We danced and talked over drinks for a good part of the evening.

"Anita, I am hungry. How about we go across the street to Maxine's for a smoked meat?"

After that, he walked me to my Mom's place holding my hand. I was walking on air.

At my Mom's place, I was trying to decide if I should ask him in for coffee. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a long very tight hug and kissed my forehead.

"Anita, could I call and maybe see you again?"

I was so overcome by joy and emotions, I could not utter a word in response. He took that as a no and let me go turning to walk away.

"It is okay, Anita. I understand."

I managed to get my voice back and grabbed his arm.

"Andy, please. Call me at any time and you can see me whenever you want to."

He took a card from his wallet and wrote on it.

"This is my private cell number. You can call anytime you feel like it."

"I still have the same one. Do you remember it?"

"Yes I do."

With that he hugged me again for a longer time, kissed my cheek and left. I stood by the steps looking at him go with tears in my eyes, but tears of joy. I had reconnected with the man I loved. It was a fragile connection, but he no longer hated me.

I went in the house singing and dancing. I told my Mom about the evening. She cautioned me not to get my hopes up too much. It had only been one evening, but he had asked to see me again. I was on cloud nine.

He called me twice during the following week, just to talk and invite me out for the next Friday evening. I bought new dresses, conservative, but nice and renewed my make-up kit. I had seriously neglected that in the last three and a half years. I wanted to look nice for him, not like a woman on the prowl or slutty, just nice. During the following months, he invited me often for a drink and dinner after work.

Friday and Saturday evening out became a regular thing. Maybe taking me to all these places where there was dancing and lots of men was a sort of test for me. If so, I don't begrudge Andy doing it, considering my past. We have not been celibate with each other during the last couple of weeks. This was a long time in coming and awkward at first for the both of us.

My dressing and making myself up better got some men coming on to me. I was finished with the flirting and dancing. I turned them down, politely, but firmly. I no longer found the game exiting. If polite did not do it, I had very little patience and was a lot less polite and more firm.. As I said before, Andy did not dance much, so seeing me sitting at a table, I got lots of offers to go for a dance. I never accepted. It was my choice, not just to please Andy. I danced only with him.

Maybe I had matured during my almost four years of loneliness, pain, regrets and misery. Especially pain and regrets for the hurt I had brought to Andy. The misery had made me into an adult. The immature spoiled little girl of four years ago, who liked to play dangerous games was no more. She was dead.

For now we have not talked about any future. But, having Andy back in my life, if only for the occasional date, is more than I had ever hoped for and more than I deserve.

This coming weekend is a long one. Monday is a holiday. Andy asked me to spend it at his cottage. He told me that I would be the first woman to go there with him. I hope and pray that this will be a new beginning and the end of my almost four years of hell. I don't imagine those years have been much better for him.

"Well Shane, this is my sad tale. As I told you in answering your question, having two men may be a thrill but it is definitely not worth the cost. You have no idea how my conscience bothers me even today. I relive my past sometimes and the hurt I brought to Andy back then and I still cry myself to sleep."

We again promised each other that we would stay in contact and went on our way.

I look forward to the week-end at Andy's cottage but with a certain fear, I have the feeling that it will be make or break time.

I Hope and Pray.

Qui Vivra Verra.

Epilogue.

The weekend at the chalet was not easy. Especially the first time we talked. We had a long and frank conversation about everything. For me, this was really difficult, reliving the past hiding nothing but it was a good cleanup for the soul.

The next three days were heaven. I moved in with Andy. The week after we came back. To my joy and the relief of my Mom.

I moved in to see how things would go. No promises of anything for the future. That was two years ago. We are still officially taking things one day at the time but the ties are being rebuilt slowly.

On Fridays after work, the girls and I get together at a small café for a few drinks before going home. I go and wait for Andy to pick me up. Some of the guys think I am a cold fish. I never accept to dance. I don't care what they think. I no longer see any fun in dancing and flirting with guys.

Sometimes, Andy says he is tired and phones to tell me he won't pick me up, but wait for me at home. I guess the trust is coming back. I make extra sure that his trust is deserved and tell him everything that goes on when he is not there.

Last Christmas, a client company invited all of us girls to their party but alone. We could not bring a guest. One of the married girls and I told my boss, Francine under these conditions, we were not going. To my surprise, she said we were right. This particular company has more men than women working there and they wanted women at their party. She would have been disappointed if the two of us had accepted. The other girls are single, so they went to the party

This is quite a change for me. A few years back, I would have jumped at the chance for a night of dancing and flirting by myself and possibly taking a man to bed. This time the mere thought almost turned my stomach. I was not even tempted to go.

We are not making any plans for the long term yet. We are happy taking things slowly and rebuilding our life.

The story of my friend Anita

Fran26