tagHumor & SatireX Files on the Brain

X Files on the Brain


I was bored one day and my mind wandered. I just had this really wierd and I thought funny idea about characters from the X Files. I have posted this elsewhere and had quite a good response. I don't profess it to be anything great, but I wrote it and thought I was worth publishing on Literotica...

* * * * *

Mulder was bored. OK the X-File cases were pretty exciting in the main, not having to go with the run of the mill stuff kept him interested in the work and fantasising about Scully tended to keep the empty hours busy, but today nothing much was happening.

The paranormal seemed quiet and any leads he had on the alien theories were drying up. What he needed was something out of the ordinary. It wasn't going to happen though so he rifled through his collection of porn videos. Find an old favourite he slipped it in the machine opposite his desk. Not sure where to seat himself he dropped his pants then decided to go for broke and stripped completely. Moving his chair round he sat in front of the TV and started to tug his cock.

He had been at it for a while, a single redhead on the TV spread-eagled and gaining ground on her orgasm when the office door swung open and Scully walked in. Shit. He'd forgotten to lock the door. Dana, wearing her customary skirt and jacket stood stock still while she digested the sight of her naked partner.

'Mulder...I...well...it seems.....ah.....quiet day then?' Mulder sat quite still now holding the seat of the chair with both hands mentally sucking the blood back out of his cock. It didn't work. Somehow getting caught by Scully, who was well aware that he had a predilection for the seedy, aroused him even further, his cock twitching is appreciation. Then Scully noticed the moaning girl on the screen and was a little taken aback at the likeness to herself.

'Oh Mulder' she sighed 'what the hell am I supposed to do with you?'

'Well...um.....help, maybe' he grinned sheepishly

'Help eh. hhhhmm. Well. Why not' Scully ambled across the room taking off her jacket. Mulder had to swivel in the chair to keep his eyes on her. No way was he going to miss Scully stripping in front of him. After the jacket she leisurely unbuttoned her blouse slipping it off and quickly followed with her skirt. She didn't put on any kind of a show, but was well aware that Mulder's eyes were glued to her. This was unexpected but the thought of finally getting it on with her partner was exciting her far quicker than she thought possible. Sex had not been plentiful over the last few years and although she had become quite adept and bringing herself off, a hard cock was a welcome pleasure. A there were feelings stirring deep inside her for this man, even though he was a little weird.

She slowly moved back in front of him now dressed in her bra, panties, pantyhose and shoes. She wasn't quite sure now how to proceed, the situation wasn't exactly romantic and although certainly sexually charged seemed a bit clinical. Still she was getting wet and Mulder's erection beckoned. She kicked off her shoes and discarded the bra, letting her firm breasts come into view. She began to peel the pantyhose down when Mulder stopped her.

He pulled her forward to straddle his lap where Scully guessed what to do. She thrust her pelvis forward so her nylon clad pussy pressed against his cock. Mulder had varied fetishes, nylon clad female flesh being one of them and Scully was quite prepared to give him whatever he wanted. She began to grind herself against him.

It wasn't long before both were a little delirious and once again the door opened. Walter Skinner had seen a lot in his time and with Mulder and now Scully reporting directly to him he thought he had seen it all. This was though, in his view, an X-file in its own right. He new about the electric relationship but never thought it would actually come to this. The door had swung closed behind him. Skinner was jealous. He had wanted Scully for himself and had just never found the moment to make his move. Scully's eyes were glazed from her exertions and she hadn't even been touched, that much he could see, typical of Mulder to be a fetish lover. Mulder's eyes gave him a strange look as well and it dawned on him that he was being invited to join them.

He needed no second chances and quickly stripped. Scully's eyes widened as he became naked and she saw his cock. Mulder immediately thought this might not be a good idea after all, he was hardly a pinky finger but this man was hung like a donkey. His cock, although thickening was still pointing South but must have been all of 8 inches flaccid. Skinner put his hands on his hips enjoying the started looks. He raked his gaze over Scully and his battering ram stood up to its full glory, 14 inches!

He was about to take a position behind the object of his desires when again the door open and The Smoking Man entered.

'Whoa' shouted Mulder 'you're supposed to be *dead'

'Well I am. Sort of. You don't need the details Mulder, work it out for yourself ' at this the Smoking Man took the liberty of taking his clothes off as well. Now here was something different Scully thought. The grinned old man had a grey pallor to his skin which was sagging, almost a smoky look to it which wasn't really suprising given the smoking he did.

The Smoking Man continued to strip. When naked he reached for his cigarettes. Scully wasn't exactly impressed with his body. Mulder was good, no flab with a decent sized cock which had not wilted at all, perhaps because she now pressed against him even harder. Skinner was a monster, a flagpole jutting out of a well muscled body, its head the size of an apple. The Smoking Man however looked over the hill.

'I know what you're thinking Dana' Old Smoky said, 'but I can keep up, never you fear'

Scully then looked at his cock and gasped. Thick pubes had almost hidden it before. Now though, as it grew she saw if differently. It was old looking and had that same greyness the rest of his body had. As it filled with blood the veins seem to contort and twist, much like vines strangle other trees. It grew to about 9 inches and it was thick. It twitched into its upright position, a thigh foreskin rolled back to reveal even the head beneath to be veined and knotted. The whole member looked like an ancient bough on an old spreading oak tree, there was not a smooth bit of skin on it. Scully was repulsed and attracted to it at the same time. It promised interesting stimulus.

The Smoking Man lit a cigarette and drew hard on the filter, his eyes hooded slightly as the smoke filled his body. All three looked in amazement as the smoke seemed to travel through his entire torso, sliding smoothly under the skin. Smoking Man writhed as if in pleasure, clenched his buttocks and thrust his cock forward, letting out a puff of smoke from the end of his cock. Then a longer stream of smoke jetted from his knarled cock ending in a small perfectly formed smoke ring.

'Neat trick, don't yer think' he laughed 'fancy a drag Scully?'

Skinner couldn't help himself and started laughing at which point Mulder saw the funny side and joined in. Scully was annoyed. She was horny as hell, wet as a ripe water melon and given the first chance of some serious shagging, one cock was probably too big the other had its own nicotine addiction. The third, although ideal was starting to flag and wilt. This wasn't right.

The TV was still on, a group of people talking of their masturbatory preferences. Scully rolled over and checked the time. She had dropped off, semi dressed wearing her panties and pantyhose. Her crotch was damp and the sheets had knotted up around her body as if looking to mummify her, like the vines around a tree. The incense sticks had burned low and her hand still gripped the oversized TV remote.

She slumped back onto the bed. Oh shit...

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