Xolt 2 Ch. 07

***

It was a long time ago. There wasn't a lot about that time I wanted to remember. But I remember the day I decided to change. It was a monumental day for everyone.

I was a bad child. The worst kind really. Humans would call it 'middle child syndrome', and I agreed wholeheartedly that I had it. I hated my parents, and my brothers. I hated everything and everyone, and I didn't care who I hurt. I was 'carefree'. But to be honest I was scared of everything. I was scared that I would lose my parents, and both of my brothers. But that never stopped the fights. I had anger inside that surpassed my love for anyone. I felt out of control, and I hated that feeling more than anything else. I felt like maybe my anger would make me feel like I could have control of my ever speeding life. But it only made things worse for me. I never felt like I had control.

I rarely fought with Xe'Hul—he was the only one I could go to what I felt like everything was too much. Like when it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe...There were times when I hated him too, however. It deepened on my mood. I hated myself, too, for that. My moods were unreliable. It could have been the rapid changes that I was going through, but it was still enough to drive me away from anyone else.

I was in my room, reading a book. It was a medical book. It was talking about medicines that no longer were allowed in the doctor's office due to specific laws that regarded the Xolt laws. It was only half-heartedly reading it. I had been in a fight with Xe'Trygg. It was a bloody one, but at this point in time he was better than me and stronger than me. I was the one who got hurt the most. But then again, I was the one who started the fight in the first place.

I heard my parents and Hul talking about me in the common room. Thankfully my parents never treated my brothers and me differently. We were all treated as equals and Trygg and I got the same punishment. They respected Hul a little more only because he was older and more mature than us. He was also better at hiding his feelings and could think logically.

"I don't think you actually understand how he feels," Hul said. I could imagine his face. He looked worried in my mind, concerned for my well being. I cracked a small smile because I knew that he was defending me. "It's a feeling that I went through, and it's a feeling that Xe'Trygg will go through. It's a scary time."

"I don't understand," My mother said. I could see her gray hair tried neatly on the top of her head.

"Father should understand. As young Xolts we go through physical and mental changes that help us become the adults that our society needs. But sometimes it gets hard for us to breathe. Zhi is having that issue." He paused for a minute. "His changes are too fast. He's having a hard time controlling his emotions. It's not his fault, but he can change. He can learn to control himself."

My father never spoke once. I think it was because he knew what Hul was saying and couldn't find a way to persuade anyone different. I knew that because of Hul I was given a second chance, and if I blew it life for me would be completely different from what it is now.

I knew that just from hearing the conversation that I needed to change. The more I thought about it the more I wanted to change and the more I needed to change.

I put my book aside and looked at myself in the mirror. At this point in my life my hair was long, almost waist length. I was proud of my hair, but I needed change more than I needed my hair. If I was going to change I was going to change everything about myself. It seemed like a silly statement to my family when I walked into the room the next day with my hair cut to my shoulders, but it made sense to me. I hadn't let my hair grow since.

It took me a long time to change, to learn how to control myself. But it was still hard for me. Even as a full grown Xolt I still feel lost.

Scared. Like the walls are crashing around me like they did when I was young. But it makes me want to control the world around me even more. I strive to control my surroundings. It was part of the reason I became a doctor.

I thought I had control. But I lost it and now the person who was most important to me can't trust me anymore.

And I did that.

***

"So, what you're trying to tell me is that I punched you for something you did to you mate?" Xe'Trygg asked. I had told him what had happened this morning. He seemed interested and yet confused at the same time.

"No, you punched me because I was an ass," I huffed. My patients were running low. "But I was an ass because I lost control over myself while mating with Brandon. I promised that I wouldn't cum inside him, and I did just that."

"Well, honestly I can't blame you. It's mating season." Trygg said, sitting on my desk. I looked up at him. Yes, I had forgotten to tell my mate about the mating season. I just didn't realize that we were that close. "It's hard to control yourself when all you want to do is fuck."

"You don't understand," I said, "He gave me the dirtiest look ever. Like I betrayed his trust for the rest of my life. I am never going to get him back now." I let my head fall into my hands and I sighed. I was in so much pain I felt like crying. The pain was too much.

"Look," Trygg said, "This is nothing to cry over. We'll just find some way to explain this to Brandon and everything will be alright. Did he show signs of changing when you left?"

I sat up and rub the tears off my face. My younger brother was right, now was not the time for crying. Perhaps there was a way that I could reverse the change? But there was only one issue with that.

"He won't talk to me."

"What do you mean?"

"He won't even look me in the eye. I tried."

"I never said it was going to be you. He's pissed at you," Trygg smiled, "Oh no, you aren't going to talk to him."

(Hey Guys! Long time no chapter! Hope this makes Ya'll happy :) ~~Tae)