Yamara

"Leave now, Yamara, and you can escape," He said, panting. The words came fresh in my mind as he said them, I had hidden them deep within me but would never be able to forget them. "I will hunt you down, of course, but if you leave now Brina comes to no harm and I will give you until the morning ere I send out my men."

Brina's confusion and fear nearly caused her to panic. Instead it tricked her into hesitation and a decided lack of doing anything. She shivered as chills ran down her spine and she looked at me pleadingly. Then James whispered into her ear. Our ears now.

"Don't worry, love, she will do you no harm and will only leave us in peace now," was what he whispered to her. It was as I remembered it exactly.

I braced myself, prepared for the horror that was to come. I knew what happened next, yet something deep within me turned cold and made me suddenly terribly afraid. He was going to cut her throat and push her onto my blade and I did not think I could bear to see it again.

"I can't let him use you against me, Brina," I heard myself say. The cold that was within me settled over me suddenly. I had buried that deep within me and refused to let myself remember it. I felt Brina's sudden spike of fear and felt her realize she had to act and act right then.

Brina's head snapped back, taking my vision with her. I, we, felt his nose crumple against the back of Brina's head. A terrible burning pain entered her belly then, driving through her and out her back. Another knife edge of agony tore along one side of her neck. James stumbled back, letting go of Brina. My sword in her belly was tugged painfully again as it slid free of where it had stuck in James. I looked down and saw Yamara, myself, let go of the sword that impaled us. Brina's hand rose to her throat to try and make the burning stop, but it only seemed hotter when the blood washed over her fingers.

My dagger was in James' throat by then, though I did not see how it happened, chained to Brina's vision as I was. All of my own emotions had gone numb and cold by now. I was seeing it as she had seen it. Experiencing it as she had. I was understanding how she had truly died. Her other hand, the one not grasping at her throat, reached out to me. I felt her trying to reach for me, to pull me down to her to take the pain away and make her better. I saw myself stand there with an face of stone. Then I knelt down beside her, taking her hand in mine. I felt Brina cling to it desperately, she put every last hope she had in using my hand as a lifeline.

My gut twisted inside at what I knew was going to happen. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to die for what I had done. Watching my face from Brina's eyes, I saw that my own face had gone terribly white and what I thought was excellent emotional control at the time was anything but. The reality of the situation had crashed into me, my eyes watered and a tear spilled down my face while my chin quivered.

Brina pulled me closer then, desperate to ask me for help. She knew she was dying and there was no hope, but she had seen the magic of my potions and hoped for a miracle cure. I had done the impossible time and again to her, surely death was just another thing I could fix for her. She adored me and forever would, no matter what happened... if only I could just do this one thing for her.

Brina gagged on her own blood, unable to talk. I saw myself succumb completely to my emotions. Tears ran freely. I knew then that she understood what had happened. She understood and she forgave me. She actually forgave me. In this wretched dream where I had no control, where no one could ever see me or ever know, I knew grief unlike any I ever had.

"I'm sorry Brina." I heard myself say it and I knew that no matter how I had felt at the time, the passing of time since then had made it all the more true for me now. I could not fathom a deeper regret then the one I felt. The next words I remembered well over the years, though with some pain. "I loved you."

I had admitted it to her at long last. Always sisterly our affection had been, at the end I wish I had acknowledged that my love for her had been on every level that I knew.

Hearing that, Brina relaxed. Her arm dropped from mine and she accepted her fate. She relaxed and let me go. I felt such sadness and longing in her as we drifted apart. Darkness claimed us. I prepared to succumb to my typical restless period of darkness.

Then she came. Brina woke and I awoke with her. Kneeling over us was a demon straight out of one of the deepest and darkest places of existence. She was awesome and terrible and dark. Beautiful beyond any measure. Taller then any women I had ever seen, she further defied nature by possessing a tail that lay gracefully on the floor between her legs. That and the large batlike wings sprouting from her back. Her wrist was sealed to Brina's lips and a fiery liquid filled her mouth. Brina swallowed as her mouth filled, the demoness's blood burning it's way down her throat like a potent whiskey. She was filled with terror at first, uncertain of what was happening and knowing on some basic level that it was wrong. Still she could not stop herself.

I felt Brina's thoughts and feelings as she rushed back to consciousness. She grasped at the opportunity to live and sucked feverishly at her wrist with no thought to the consequences. As the fiery elixir worked its way through her she felt it reawaken her body and infuse it with a warmth to replace the cold that had been settling in. She actually felt the torn tissues and muscles in her stomach knitting themselves together again. Her throat already felt as though nothing had happened to it.

The more she drew on the demoness' wrist, the more angry she got. Everything came back to her about the fight. She pulled more fiercely. Then the magical creature tried to pull away from her. Brina and I saw James standing above, looking down at us. His features had changed. He had become paler and more grim looking then before. Fury unlike anything I had ever felt rushed through Brina. She wanted to rip James apart and I was glad. Brina latched onto the succubus' arm and continued to draw its strength into her, easily overpowering the weakening creature.

Finally, seeking escape from the unnaturally strong woman, the succubus dissolved into the shadows from which she had coalesced. Not willing to be cheated, Brina inhaled and drew the essence of the demoness into her, not stopping until she had fully contained her. Brina felt the power rush through her body, infusing her with strength and vitality. She felt invincible.

"Come my love, this is no place for us."

Brina stood up slowly and glared at James. Her intent was to lash out at him and keep lashing out until nothing remained but bloody pieces. Before she would have easily been able to kill him with her own hands, but now she was sure could do more then kill him, she could rend him limb from limb. She tried to take a step towards him but her body refused to obey her.

"Hate not me, Brina, for I am not the one who plunged the sword into you," James said, seeing her look. "We are to be together for eternity, my bride, let yourself love me as you once wanted too. Yamara we will deal with when the time is ripe for us to do so."

I tried to scream at her to tell her what he was saying was a lie. I struggled but I was merely a silent passenger in this dream, this memory. I wanted it to end anew, I could bear to watch no more.

I felt the understanding flush through Brina. She realized that her first instincts had been right. Perhaps it would have been better to let death claim her. Now, somehow, she was bound to James. He was her Lord and Master. What he said even began to make sense as she thought it over. Yamara had moved first. She had plunged the sword into her. Perhaps James' dagger cutting across her throat had not been James' intention. Yes, all along he had wanted no harm to come to her, he was merely bluffing. She could understand it now.

Brina's consciousness took a turn then, it turned inward and it found me. I felt her staring at me, even though I was not there. The image of her eyes, now filled with a hateful fire, stared at me. I cowered before them and before myself. "It's a lie!" I tried to tell her, "he's telling you lies about what happened!". Of course my words never formed, in the ethereal nightmare I remained silent and forced to endure the passage of events.

"Yamara!"

I woke up to someone shaking me. My body was cold in spite of resting next to a campfire.

Chapter 10

What happened that night was so completely out of character for me I have trouble believing it ever really happened. Evart was gently shaking me out of my nightmare filled sleep. My body was sore and I had no energy. I felt cold. Not chilled, but so cold to the bone as though I might never recover. My head still swirled with remnants of the dream. Remnants of the intoxicating essence of the succubus that Brina had consumed and somehow shared with me.

"Thank the Gods, you're awake!" Evart hissed, sitting back at last and looking on me with concern.

I glanced at him, aware that he had spoken but unwilling and unable to respond. I had to many things inside of me I was struggling with. I saw that in addition to my own cloak, he had wrapped his around me as well to try and keep me warm. I could feel the wetness on my face, my tears in the dream had been more real then I thought.

Realizing it and remembering sent waves of grief back through me again. I somehow found the strength to roll towards the fire so that I was only a foot away from it and let the strong but silent sobs tear through me. I felt as though I had lost her all over again. Only this time I knew it was worse then I had ever imagined. James did live, and so did Brina. How and as what I did not fully know, but they lived.

Evart, risking life and limb in a way he had never known, gently laid his hand on my upper arm. I noticed it immediately, and though I did not feel reassured as he might have hoped, I did crave the contact. My own hand wrapped over his and pulled him to me somewhat awkwardly. Off balance and surprised, Evart crashed to the ground and half fell on me. He rearranged himself quickly and laid on the ground behind me, spooning with me and wrapping his arms around me as best he could. For this one and only time, I gave in completely and let myself be the cowardly needy woman I had striven forever against.

Some time later, at least an hour or two, I finally spoke. "How long?"

"4 days," Evart said softly. I nodded but did not move. I had warmed up some time ago but still luxuriated in the feel of the fire on my skin. It consisted mostly of hot coals by now, but a few logs still felt the lick of flames.

I glanced about and noticed we were not in the same camp we had been before. In fact, the entire terrain was different. "Where are we?" I asked him.

"Palungol," he answered. "We had our horses still so I lashed you to my horse and rode with you to keep you safe while your horse became the pack animal with all our gear. I knew that if you survived the poison you would be upset if I did not try to bring us closer."

He paused for my response, but when none was forthcoming he continued on. "We passed the highest point of the trail this morning, now we descend into the Barony. If you are up to it, we can push the horses a bit and reach the citadel in perhaps three more days."

I stared into the coals, seeing Brina's glowing red eyes instead. I snapped myself out of it finally. "Poison?" I asked, remembering that Evart had wondered if I would recover from the poison.

"Aye, I'd never seen the like of it before. Don't you remember? I tried to cut into the wound and suck it out before you fell asleep and it burned my lips badly."

I did remember, now that he mentioned it. I pulled my arm around and looked at it in the firelight. The wound was wrapped but a few moments of tugging at the bandage resolved that problem. It was angry and red, but appeared to be fighting against my body. Clear lines of normal colored flesh butted up against a line of redness where the poison that was still in the wound tried to wind its way up my arm and towards my heart. The actual cut itself showed no seepage of fluid, instead appearing as torn flesh void of any blood.

"Not poison," I said, understanding better what had happened. "Blood. Brina's blood."

Evart's breath caught behind me. "After you fell I heard a horse riding away. We killed the three that attacked us, but their must have been a fourth that shot you."

"It was her," I said, my voice resigned and weak. "Brina shot me. Then she rode off on her demonsteed."

"Lucky she's to not be a very good shot," Evart commented.

I said nothing. I did not know, but I suspected that she had hit me exactly as she had wanted to. I sat up then and turned to face him. He let go of me uncertainly, not knowing what I intended.

"Be careful, you've not eaten for days and you're strength is not what you might expect," he advised me softly.

Considering that I felt as though I could barely move, I doubted the wisdom of his words. I smiled weakly in spite of myself though. He sat up next to me, ready to catch me should my strength give out. I was not hungry in spite of the ravages my body had undergone fighting off Brina's poisonous blood. I knew I should eat buy first another unique urge overcame me.

I leaned in to Evart and before he knew what was happening my lips touched his. After a few moments he responded, though still somewhat hesitantly. It was not the chaste kiss of a friend or a sibling, but rather the full on passion of the most jaded lady of the night. I broke it after several minutes had passed and smiled softly at him.

With sadness in my voice I explained. "Thank you for taking care of me, Evart. You do not look the part, but you have the makings of great deeds in you. In another time and in another life, I could have and would have been yours."

He opened his mouth to respond but I stopped him with my fingers brushing his lips. "This will never happen again, for I am not that woman. I owe you more then I can give you and you deserve even more then that. Come tomorrow morning I will never mention this night again. I ask you once only to honor with that same privacy."

Evart nodded slowly, prompting me to drop my hand from his face. He was mine for the taking right then and there if I wanted him, for he surely wanted me. A part of me wanted him, the part that had been overwhelmed and imprisoned with me by the Yamara-bitch that I was. Another part of me hungered for his warmth as well, but that part was unhealthy and was alien to me. That part was the blood that Brina had forced upon me, craving to hold his still spurting heart in my hands.

I stood up then, a bit unsteady, but getting better as I moved and regained my sense of balance. I stretched and began some exercises to get my blood flowing. My strength was down and I tired out quickly, however.

"Eat this," Evart said to me after I nearly collapsed from my movements several minutes later. I glanced over and saw that he was cooking the haunch of a goat over the fire. I did a double take and realized the smell of the roasting flesh smelled wonderful. My only question was when did he find a mountain goat?

"When did you get that?" I asked, unable to let it go unanswered.

Evart raised an eyebrow at me. "I saw him right before I stopped to make camp. I figured he would make a good dinner in case you woke. If not, then he would feed me well at least!"

"You mean there has been a freshly slaughtered animal here the entire time and I did not notice it?"

He nodded. "You need more rest, Yamara, you are not ready to face the things you wish to face."

I closed my eyes and felt myself sway back and forth on my feet slightly. He was right. I wanted to... I wanted everything. I was confused. I needed to sit down, that much I knew. I took a few faltering steps towards Evart before my legs gave out on me and I crumpled to the ground. He was there in a moment, helping me bring myself back to a sitting position. I stared at his face for a moment.

"You're not a very handsome man, Evart," I said, laughing lightly.

His face paled briefly. Then he chuckled and helped me move closer to the fire again. "I think you got up a little too soon, lass."

He had a spit set up over the fire and from that he tore off a small section of roasted goat. How had I not seen the spit before? Things were getting weirder and weirder. For a moment I wondered if I had really not woken up from the nightmare after all.

Evart handed the meat to me. It was steaming in the cold mountain night air. I stared at it then looked up at him. It was true, he was not a very handsome man, but if he had a character flaw I could not find it. I wanted him. Wanted to kiss him again, wanted to do more. Wanted to do things to him I had never done with another man, or at least not done for the same reasons.

The smell of the meat in my hand brought my attention back around to it. I stuffed it into my mouth and as soon as I tasted it I chomped hungrily on it. In seconds it was gone and I was reaching for more. All thoughts of Evart were out of my mind now, I had focus only for eating.

Evart backed away from me as I tore into the roasted leg. I bit into it and ate from it as an animal, tearing away at it almost desperately. I had no conscious involvement in what was happening, instead I simply knew I was sating my desire. Impossibly, it was soon gone down to the bone. I reached for the bone with the intention of cracking it open to suck out the marrow when Evart's hands on my arms stopped me.

"Yamara! What are you doing?" He demanded of me.

I stopped fighting against him and looked at the bone in my hands. I shook my head a little and let it drop. "I..." I hesitated. What had I been doing? "I don't know. I was hungry."

"You need more rest, Yamara, that is what you need I think."

I nodded, sleep did sound good. Looking at Evart now I felt no strange compulsions towards him. No urges to love him or hate him. No urges to mate with him. No desire to plunge my hands into his belly and pull his organs out from his body and show them to him. I stopped, my mouth hanging open. Where had that last thought come from?

"Rest, yes, good idea." I finally said, moving as far from him as I could and still feel the heat of the fire on my body. He piled a few more logs on it and kept watch over me and the trail down the hill ahead of us. In seconds I was asleep.

My sleep was troubled again, but the quality of the dreams was different. This time they came from within me, not from without as they had before. These dreams were violent in nature. In them I found myself centered in scenes of carnage, scenes I had caused. When I awoke the next morning, sweaty and feverish, I remembered none of them distinctly and felt as though I had not rested at all.

My thoughts were clearer though. I remembered most of the night before and wondered how much of it Evart would bring up. I groaned inwardly at the thought of facing him, I had acted so foolishly. I hoped he would not do anything that would force me to kill him, I still needed him as a guide. I shook my head again to clear it; another unbidden thought, that one.

Evart checked on me and saw that, though I was clearly still fighting off the poison, I was conscious and much clearer then I had been. He offered me a tentative smile and proceeded to break down the camp. I helped where I could, still a little weak and unsteady. In scarcely more time then it normally took us we were on our horses and ready to move out. Evart handed me some strips of spiced and dried meat which I chewed on as our horses picked their way down the wide mountain trail.