Yes, Dear Ch. 02

"Here it comes" I thought, "the beginning of the end."

I was amazingly calm. I knew I would completely collapse later, but I was using all my business skills to hold me together.

"I wish you would have told me. It makes everything I thought we had seem like a lie. I was falling desperately in love with you, while you were keeping this huge secret. Was it fun, leading me on? Did you get a good laugh out of it?"

"NO!" I screamed, shocking both of us with my volume.

"I did not laugh at you. ever. It was fun, being with you. But I didn't do it because I wanted to laugh over your pain when I told you, I did it because I couldn't help myself. It felt too good being with you. I was selfish, all right? Then I messed everything up by falling in love with you, and tricking you to fall for me. I'm so sorry."

His next question went to the heart of the matter.

"What do we do now?"

I was on my knees before him, pleading my case.

"I'm going to keep on loving you, if you let me. If you tell me to go, I'll go. But, if you tell me to stay, be aware, I'll never leave. It's your decision. All I can say is I'm sorry. I shouldn't have deceived you. But I'm being honest now, and I'm begging here. Don't make your decision now. Think about it while I'm in Italy. If you agree, meet us at the airport when we get home. If you're not there, I'll never bother you again. You can take me home now."

He finally seemed to get angry.

"Home? Oh no, you don't drop a bomb like this on me and then just slink off. You're supposed to stay all weekend and you will. I'll probably have questions that need answering, how can you do that if you're not here? Do you understand?"

His voice was forceful, in control. I shuddered slightly, unable to comprehend that he would actually want me to stay. Was this good, or bad? I must have stayed silent too long, because he gripped my hair gently and pulled my head up.

"Girl, answer me. Do you understand?"

I said in the tiniest voice possible.

"Yes dear."

He actually almost smiled.

"Good. Get up, go clean your face. We'll talk a bit more when you get back."

................................................

We talked, before we went to bed, separately. It seemed a good idea to both of us. I was as frightened as I had ever been all the next day, but even though he was distant and hesitant to touch, we did the things we had planned. By early afternoon he had thawed a bit, and once held my hand as we walked around the neighborhood. After a few minutes I felt him stiffen a bit, but he didn't pull away.

"Does Aunt Rita or anyone else in the family know?" He asked suddenly, as if it just occurred to him.

"No one in your family knows. Nonna suspects something and told me I needed to tell you my secret, but no one in your family has any idea that I'm transsexual."

"Does anyone at your job know?"

"My boss. I told him when I got promoted. I wanted him to know. He wasn't as shocked as I thought he would be. Turns out his grandson is transgendered. He thought about it, possible embarrassment versus my skills, and skills won out. He said if it ever came out we would spin it as how progressive our company had become. We're too good at what we do for most to complain, so he's not too worried."

We stopped at a small park and sat on a bench. It was the weekend and the parents were out in force, watching their mostly small children play in the sandboxes and the gym equipment. Most seemed to know Brian.

"Mr. Brian, Mr. Brian! Will you get our ball for us?" The little girl was tugging his hand, trying to get him to move.

"Allison! Can't you see Mr. Brian has a friend with him? It's rude to intrude, leave him alone." The mother looked harried. I soon found she had two more children with her, four and two. She needed three sets of eyes.

The five year old looked down, chastised. Before she could say anything he picked her up and swung her until she giggled.

"Don't fuss at her Brenda, can't you see this is an emergency? Now, show us where the ball is."

We all trooped over to a Bradford pear tree, making introductions as we went. When he introduced me as a friend, Brenda grinned.

"Better get a little friendlier with her if you want a couple of these." she teased.

I felt really bad suddenly, knowing I could never give him children, or even if I was even going to be around much longer. To my surprise he gripped my hand and told Brenda with a straight face we had brought the subject up in conversation. She looked shocked, then pleased. She took my other hand.

"It's about time someone hooked him. All the women in the neighborhood were about to give up on him."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just smiled and shook my head.

The ball was about seven feet up in the branches of a Bradford pear tree. It was too small and fragile for him to climb. He actually shook the tree but that just made the ball more firmly lodged. There was nothing around to use to dislodge it. The other kids who were playing with Allison were all gathered by then, looking sad.

He suddenly smiled and started talking to the children.

"Kids, this is going to be an object lesson in how to cooperate and help each other to attain a goal. I can't get the ball by myself. I'm gonna need help. Allie, will you help me?"

"Uh huh, Mr. Brian, what do I have to do?"

He reached down and put her on his shoulders.

"Together we're going to try to get the ball down. But, even with you sitting on my shoulders we still can't reach it. What should we do now? Think hard kids, what do we need?"

The seven little children stood in deep thought before a little boy started jumping up and down in excitement.

"I know, I know!"

Brian smiled. He was so beautiful when he smiled.

"And what should we do then, Jimmy?"

"We need someone bigger than Allie to get on your shoulders, someone big enough to reach our ball! We need her!" He was pointing at me.

"You're exactly right, Jimmy. This is my girlfriend Andi. I bet if you ask her nicely she would help us."

I found myself surrounded by small children pleading with me while a few moms looked on.

"Please Miss Andi! Please?"

I held up my hands.

"I'll do it. But you're about to learn something else. I'm a negotiator for my company. Know what a negotiator does? No? They get people who want things together to help each other out. We make sure everyone involved comes away happy."

"Now, here's the negotiation. You want the ball right? And Mr. Brian wants to get the ball for you. What do I get?"

None of them knew how to answer that. I made it easy for them.

"I'll make it easy for you. If we get the ball down, every boy has to shake Mr. Brians' hand and thank him. The girls have the option of shaking his hand or giving him a kiss, and girls, I know for a fact Mr. Brian likes to be kissed. Do you agree? Oh, and one more thing, Mr. Brian has to kiss me too, after we get the ball down."

"That, children, is a successful deal. Everyone gets what they want. You guys get the ball. Mr. Brian gets gratitude and the warm fuzzy feeling of doing a good thing, and I get a kiss. Everybody wins. Do we have an agreement?"

The mothers laughed while the kids clamored their yeses.

Suddenly Brian spoke up.

"I don't agree. Nobody really asked me what I wanted besides getting the ball down."

There were some disappointed children. Allie spoke up.

"I'll give you two kisses, Mr. Brian, will that do?"

He grinned.

"Yes, that's great, but it has to be two kisses from every girl, including Miss Andi."

He looked me right in the eyes.

"Do we have a deal?"

"Why yes, Mr. Brian, I believe we do."

I keep forgetting how strong he is. Before I knew it I was on his shoulders. The ball came out easily while the children cheered. I held the ball when he sat me down.

"Time to render payment, dears. I'll go first."

I grabbed his head and kissed him hard for about five seconds. It got quiet except for the giggles of the moms.

When I let him go I was smiling ear to ear.

"That was a big people kiss, kids. Just a peck on the cheek will do for you guys."

The first three little girls insisted he pick them up for their kiss, and thank yous. Allie surprised us all when she kissed him on the lips.

"I need to practice, I think I'm gonna marry you when I grow up."

Brian didn't laugh it off, but kept a serious face to protect her feelings.

"Thank you Allie. If I'm not already married when you get big I'll take you up on that. All right?"

She nodded solemnly as he put her down, whispering something in her ear. She nodded, giggling.

While the boys were shaking his hand Allie was whispering to the other girls. They in turned whispered to the boys. They soon surrounded me as I gave the ball to Allie.

"Miss Andi, we want 'nother 'gotiation."

"What do you want to negotiate?"

"We want you and Mr. Brian to play with us."

I smiled at them.

"I see. What are you prepared to offer?"

She frowned.

"We'll all give you a kiss, even the boys. We'll do it for Mr. Brian, 'cept the boys. They'll give him a hug though, if they have to."

I had a counter offer.

"I accept IF I also get hugs, and Mr. Brian agrees. I'm willing to add another kiss for Mr. Brian, too. And also, if your moms agree, we get to you buy you all ice creams after we're done playing, including the moms."

I stuck out my hand.

"Deal?"

Allie grabbed my hand.

"Deal! I like butter pecan."

I got on my knees and the children each hugged me and kissed my cheeks. I was crying when they got done.

The kids were concerned.

"Did we hurt you Miss Andi?" said on of the little boys. Before I could clear my throat, Brian answered.

"No, children, you didn't hurt her. Grownups sometimes cry when they're very happy, especially girls. She's happy, very happy. Now, what shall we play?"

I spent about twenty minutes running up and down the fields before I plopped down on a bench with Brenda, wheezing.

Brenda smiled at me as she watched her four year old in the sandbox and rocked her two year old in his stroller.

"I hope when you and Brian get married you live in another neighborhood."

I was shocked.

"Why would you say that?"

She was laughing while she answered.

"Because you've created a bunch of monsters. I can hear Allie now."

"Mom, if I clean my plate tonight can I have waffles in the morning? Dad, if I brush my teeth and go to bed without argument, can I stay up later tomorrow?"

"Honey every parent on the block will be ready to lynch you by next weekend. But seriously, thank you, and Brian, for spending time with the kids and teaching them. I'm pretty sure the idea of working as a team is firmly planted in their minds."

She actually hugged me just as Brian and about twice as many children as we had when we started came up to the bench.

"Momma, Miss Andi, can we get ice cream now?"

Brian had the kids invite everyone on the playground for the treat, and soon a little convoy started towards the ice cream parlor across the street, with Brenda and the stroller in the lead. The children reverted back to kindergarten training, holding hands, with a mom interspersed, and Allie and I bringing up the rear. Brian was somewhere near the front.

We made it with everyone accounted for, and the scoupers were quite busy for awhile. I ended up holding Brenda's two year old, feeding him ice cream from a small bowl. Brenda had her four year old, and Allie insisted she sit beside Brian, already plotting to keep me away.

I felt his eyes, and looked up. He was watching me with the baby, smiling. A thrill went through me, this had to be a good thing.

By the time we left I was on a first name basis with all the parents. Apparently everyone knew and loved Brian, after all, he had lived in that neighborhood his whole life. Several wanted to know the wedding date, and all welcomed me. I assured them that just as soon as I knew they would get invitations.

The walk home was quiet. I had chocolate ice cream on my favorite peach blouse, twigs in my hair from the tree, and grass stains on my beige shorts. More importantly, I had his hand in mine, so the rest didn't matter.

..................................................

"You're going to make a good mother" he said out of the blue.

"Do you really think so?"

His opinion was very, very important to me.

"Yes. You're a natural nurturer, and a very good teacher. Those kids will probably remember what you taught them for the rest of their lives. You broke it down to terms they could understand, helped them execute, and then rewarded them for good work. It will definitely stay with them."

I laughed.

"That's pretty much how I talk to the CEOs I work with. Keep it simple and direct in terms they can understand."

He suddenly sighed and sat on the couch, patting the cushion beside him. Here it comes, I thought, the conversation I had been dreading. I reached out, clinging to his arm. If he was going to dump me, I wanted to touch him as much as possible while I still could.

"I'm a simple guy, Andi. I want what my parents had, and what Aunt Rita and Uncle Sean have. I want somebody to love for the rest of my life, someone to raise a family with. Someone to share my joys and defeats with. Someone to prop me up when I make difficult decisions, to hold me and tell me I did the right thing. I thought that was you."

I couldn't breathe, it hurt so bad. He continued.

"I thought I won the lottery with you. You were everything I wanted, more than I dreamed of. I couldn't believe you were interested in me. Then you tell me your secret. I didn't know what to think."

"I'm a Catholic, I guess you know that. Want to know where I was early this morning? I went to confession, the first time in years. I needed advice. I didn't reveal your secret, God knows and that's enough. I told the priest that I was in love with someone who was different, someone who couldn't bear children, someone who had said she loved me and yet kept a major secret from me. Want to here his advice?"

No. I knew he was told to move on. But he was going to tell me anyway, so I nodded my head.

"He made it simple. Do you love her? I answered yes. Did she love me? Yes again. Do you think she deliberately meant to hurt me with her secret. I didn't think so. Despite the secret, which she confessed to before you married so you would know everything and be able to deal with, can you still love her?"

He paused. My tears were flowing freely now. It was over. I started to get up but he held me back.

"Don't you want to know the answer I gave him?"

I couldn't talk, so I nodded.

"I told him yes. I can still love her. I can still love YOU, Andi. And that should be enough."

I fainted.

.................................................

I woke up lying on the couch with Brian patting my face with a warm cloth. I jumped up so fast I knocked him over. I dove on top of him, gripped his head and almost screamed at him.

"Say it again!"

I think he was a little confused.

"Say what?"

"Say you love me! Say it and make me believe you."

Oddly, he didn't say a word, just grabbed me back and started kissing me. Deep, hard, continuous kisses, for about five minutes. When he stopped I collapsed on his chest, trying to get my breath back.

"Was that loud enough?"

"I think I heard a faint whisper, but it'll do for now."

He helped me up and put me back on the couch.

"I have some conditions you have to agree to first, and things I need to say. Can you listen now or do you need a break?"

No way was I going to let him stop. I wanted all out in the open so we could get on with our lives.

"No, please continue."

He started pacing.

"I want you to get that operation as soon as possible. When we adopt, I don't want you hiding anything from our children, especially the girl or girls we end up. Do you agree?"

Of course I did.

"I don't want to see completely naked until you do. I don't want that image to cloud my mind when I see the results. So, no sex until after the operation. All right?"

I found my voice.

"Does that mean I can't do what I did last night?"

"Yes. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"Bullshit. Honey, here's a secret. Women don't always have orgasms when they make love. It's not always about that. It's about pleasing their man. Let's call it delayed gratification. You can pay me back, with interest, after I've healed."

I could tell he wasn't completely convinced, but after I got him in my mouth I'm sure he would see the logic in it. I got a little bolder.

"And another thing. After the operation I'm still going to want anal. It was the only thing I had, and I learned to enjoy. So just know, after the procedure, I'm still going to want it back there sometimes. Can you deal with that?"

He actually smiled.

"Believe it or not, honey, I'm not a virgin. As a friend once told me, I've done everything I could think of with a woman, and a whole lot more I had no clue about but they were glad to teach me. You'll find I'm always open to suggestions."

For the first time, I felt really good about the future.

We talked more, until we seemed to exhaust the subject. I thought I was finally through the tears until he dropped down on one knee and presented me with a ring. He had intended to propose that weekend anyway, he`said, and now that the foolishness was over we may as well finish it in style.

Of course no amount of makeup would cover my red eyes, but my smile made sure everyone knew they were tears of joy as we walked into the cafe.

Gina was surprised, we weren't supposed to show our faces this weekend, but when I stuck out my left hand she shrieked, bringing Aunt Rita running out of the kitchen. She stopped and watched Gina and I dancing around crying while Brian stood by with a goofy grin on his face.

She hugged him first since I was occupied, whispering that Nonna was never wrong, then she swept me up in her arms and hustled me back into the kitchen. Nonna was smiling, a tear tricklng down her cheek, before giving me the traditional two cheek kiss, and then kissing my lips.

"Welcome to the family" she said in Italian. I understood her perfectly.

Service was understandable disrupted for awhile, but Aunt Rita smoothed it over by announcing our engagement, and giving every table a complimentary glass of wine. We were congratulated endlessly while the wine flowed, but we drank very little. I had plans for the night.

We were both a little buzzed when we got home, but not intoxicated. He showered first leaving the bathroom for me. I took my time, fixed my hair, put just a little gloss on my lips, and a very sexy baby doll I had brought just in case. I made sure I kept my gaff on, respecting his wishes. It spoiled the effect, but not much.

I made sure I left the bathroom light on as I came out so he could get the full effect. He was already lying on the bed, in pajamas. I frowned, he was determined to make it difficult.

"Which side, honey?"

"What? Which side do you like to sleep on? I'm fine with either so it doesn't matter to me."

Up until then he must have assumed I was going to sleep in the spare bedroom.

He started to bluster. I stopped him cold.

"On no, don't even go there. I told you early on if you let me stay this weekend I would never leave. You let me stay, gave me a ring, and there is no way in hell I'm ever sleeping alone again unless I'm on a business trip. So turn on a lamp so I can see while I turn off the bathroom, and move over."

He liked the left side, apparently. I snuggled into his arms letting the feeling wash over me.

"Good night, my love" I said, as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up about five in the morning, my wine was seeking release. We were spooned together, his arms round me, one lightly holding my breast. I could feel his erection between my cheeks. I wanted to thrust back so badly I couldn't stand it, but didn't want to ruin the moment, so I quietly slipped out of bed. I was pleased to see him frown in his sleep, one hand feeling the spot I had left, seeking me.