Yesterday

"That wasn't the way you felt a few months back when you tired of me and took up with Kurt," I reminded Cynthia. "Would you like me to help you find a new lover, one that would renew that feeling of excitement? I have a few ideas."

"No! I don't ever want to have sex with another man, only you, Gil. The idea or being with anyone else is repulsive to me now," responded Cynthia. "Could I please stop seeing Kurt? He won't mind and I could spend more time with you and the girls!"

"I don't know about this, Cynthia. The girls and I have been having a pretty good time. It would be a shame if you suddenly got involved and messed it all up," I hesitated.

"I won't mess it up, Gil. I'm their mother! I can be a part of everything, too. It isn't unusual for both parents to participate in their kids' lives. I'll be very good to you in front of them, and in front of everyone else, for that matter. I promise. Please?" begged Cynthia.

"It isn't that easy, Cynthia. If I allow you to stop fucking Kurt, it will have to end your sex life totally. You would have to be tested for all possible diseases. My tests already came back negative," I revealed.

"You were tested? Why? Do you think Kurt, or his wife, have been infected by someone?" worried Cynthia.

"Cynthia, how would I know anything about their sex lives? I do know that having sex with you meant that I was, in essence, exposing myself to everyone, you, Kurt, or his wife ever had sex with. That leaves a lot of room for problems, at least in my book. Does she have a lover, or lovers? Does he have more lovers than you? Do you have other lovers? You lied to me and cheated. Could they do the same to each other? Obviously Kurt can."

"I think it is unlikely, Gil. They are clean, intelligent people," reasoned Cynthia.

"Yeah, and the odds in Russian roulette are one in six, but I still don't want to play. Actually, things have been going pretty well for me lately. The girls and I have bonded and my life, except for one rather obvious area, is just great.

"You'll just have to suck his cock harder, so lose some weight, or get a new hair-do... you know, all the things a woman does to entice a lover. You can do it!" I patted Cynthia on the back as I spoke.

"Gil, the truth is, I am tired of him. He just uses me like some slut and leaves. He has no respect for me. He doesn't care if I'm in the mood or not. He even hurts me at times because he doesn't even try to get me ready for him," Cynthia revealed.

"Let's remember to get you some K-Y Jelly, Cynthia. I am not an unfeeling monster. I want you to be comfortable when he ass fucks you."

"Gil, I am trying to make him stop that. It is another reason I want to end this stupid charade," complained Cynthia. "I really don't enjoy that, even if it looked like I did in that picture."

"Cynthia, this is all a little late. You should have considered everything when you decided to cheat and lie to me. It is obvious you didn't give a great deal of thought about the effects of your actions. Now you can consider them. You reap what you sow," I reminded her.

"You realize this is extortion, or blackmail, don't you, Gil" Cynthia argued. "It is a low thing to do. I am your wife! You should be fighting to keep me away from another man, not insisting I fuck and suck him, as you so politely phrase it."

"It is a form of blackmail, Cynthia," I admitted. "However, I'm not going to let you lecture me on how a husband should behave, so don't go there again, or your ass will be gone before you finish the sentence! I've tried for twenty years to do everything a husband and father should do, and you shit all over me. You are the one that fucked up our marriage and are certainly not qualified to tell me how things should work in a marriage! Do you understand me?"

I think Cynthia was surprised at my passion. She was silent for a while as she considered my words.

"You are right, Gil. I apologize for the things I said. I apologize more for the horrible situation I have created. It is my fault, not yours. I know that," she sobbed.

Things went along about a week. Then one evening as we finished dinner, Cynthia asked the girls to remain at the table after we had finished eating.

"Girls, I have been having an affair. When I told you I had to work late, it was really to meet with someone. I have seriously jeopardized my marriage to your father. I want to apologize to him, and to both of you. All of you deserve better than I have given lately. If I could change it, I would, but I can't. It is over now, and I ask you to consider forgiving me," finished Cynthia.

I never saw that coming! I was taken totally by surprise. I guess the girls were, too. They sat there trying to digest what their mother had just told them. Then they both started crying, quickly left their seats and fled to their rooms. I just sat there, stunned.

"That is the only way to handle blackmail, Gil. I realize that now. I am done playing the fool. Everything you have been telling me the last couple months has been slowly sinking in. I told Kurt I was done with him forever. Funny, but it hardly bothered him. I meant nothing, nothing at all! But, you know what? That's okay, because he was just a piece of meat to me, really. We were like a couple of goddamn animals with no intelligent human thought."

Cynthia dabbed at her eyes and continued, "I know you can still report our actions to the school board, and tell Kurt's family. That is entirely up to you, but I am done behaving as a sub-human, I think was a word I heard you use. With you, or without you, I am going to get my self-respect back, even if I lose everything else. I have been so worried about disease lately, that I haven't been able to sleep. I made an appointment with the doctor for Friday."

"I did a very stupid thing, something I will regret, and pay for to my dying day. You have every right to hate me, to ruin me, to divorce me and find a woman that you can respect. That is up to you, as well," sobbed Cynthia. "I pray, and beg even, that you can find it in your heart to give me a chance to be a part of your life, but I'll understand if you don't. I realize now how much I love you and how very good I had it, and what a horrible thing I did."

"I haven't a plan for this situation," I replied. "The girls are in pain now and we have to help them. My pain has dulled a little, and I fear that means my love for you has dulled as well, Cynthia. I'm glad you are concerned about your health and will do what it takes to be certain you are well. I can't tell you everything will be okay. I really doubt it will be."

"I know that and it rips me apart to know it is all my doing, Gil," Cynthia responded tearfully.

"We will just try to take it slow and not do anything in anger or pain. We may not get over your betrayal, but your admission is a beginning."

"Did you know it would work this way? That I would risk everything to stop acting like a common slut?" asked Cynthia.

"I had hopes that you would regain your pride, but I didn't know if you would. It will take a long time for me to believe you have, Cynthia, or to believe anything you tell me, unless I have another means to verify it. I just don't trust you. Maybe I never will."

I stepped to the refrigerator and took out a beer as Cynthia quietly sat at the table and sobbed. Life had become complicated.