Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Two purple hearts and a bronze star were the only metal I brought back. My dad said my mom was going nuts after she found out about the stupid things I'd done. "Son, I guess I shouldn't have shown her your metals."

A thirty-day leave was just what the doctor ordered. I was bone tired and had grown-up too much in the last fifteen months. I thought about my life and what I wanted to do after I got out. There wasn't a chance in hell I'd be re-enlisting; you'd have to be figgin nuts to reup and then get sent back to that hellhole.

Dad picked me up at the airport. "Nice tan, what'd you do just lie around on the beach sunning yourself?" he said with a smirk. I grabbed my duffel and headed out to the parking garage.

"How's it going on the home front? Just tell me there's no surprises waiting for me," I said not knowing what my mom had planned.

"You know your mom. She's planning a big meal tomorrow because she feels you deserve a good home cooked meal after being gone this long."

"How's my girl? Do you have any new pictures? The last one I got was three months ago?"

"Mom sent out another set two weeks ago, you probably passed them on your was back. You'll be able to see her for yourself. Also my local VFW post wants you to join. I think I kind of played you up a bit so they want to stop by and thank you for serving your country." I guess my dad was proud of me. "I gave the money you sent home to either Wendy or her mother with specific instructions that it was to be used for Anna only."

"Good, Wendy would have probably spent it on weed or going out to concerts and parties."

"Wendy's grown up believe it or not. She's in school and is about half done on her associate's degree. She says she's only got three semesters left after this one."

"Will wonders never cease?"

I didn't think my mom would ever let me go as she hugged me and cried all at the same time.

"I thought I told you not to do anything stupid and then your father started telling me war stories and showed me your metals. Does it hurt where you got shot?"

"No, mom. I'm ok, believe me," I said kissing her on the head.

"Well tomorrow we're having a BBQ in honor of your coming home. Don't worry, it won't be big, just a few friends."

"How's my girl?"

"Pretty as a picture and she'll be here tomorrow."

I put my stuff away and sat on the back deck with my dad having a beer.

"Not much fun over there was it."

"No fun at all," I replied. "People are just nuts sometimes. I don't think I'll ever understand how people can kill one another in the name of God, Allah or some damn religion; it just doesn't make scene."

"Steve, sometimes life doesn't make scene. At least you won't have to go back." We clicked our bottles together at that statement.

"When I get out I plan on going to school for electrical. I'm not the office type of person but I need a job with a future. Construction pays well, but I want something I can take with me where ever I decide to go," I told him.

"You plan on going some where?"

"Don't have a clue, but there's nothing here for me anymore."

"You still have a daughter."

"Like I'm going to be able to see her with that asshole Hank around."

My dad started to say something but stopped and took a log slug of his beer.

"You know you're still married."

"I thought that shit was final a long time ago. I tore up the papers Wendy sent me but I figured it still went through anyway. Dad, you should have seen the fucking garbage in there. They wanted alimony, thirty percent of what I made, medical, life insurance for the both of them and a bunch of other crap. I emptied a full clip into that document before throwing it in a dumpster. I was going to send it back to them that way unsigned but I just tossed them," I said with this big grin on my face.

"Well, it's something you'll eventually have to address."

"Fuck them all. I hope I never see any of them again." I was now angry just thinking about it. "She took Anna and just fucking left to move back in with her parents. No warning, no discussion she just booked."

"You guys were pretty young."

"Dad, I did my fucking best. I came home after work instead of going out with the guys and did the best I could for her and Anna. She whined about what her friend were doing and I guess she missed her single life; well now she has it again and I hope she fucking chokes on it." This conversation was done as I got up and went into the house for another beer.

I guess I shouldn't have taken it out on my dad, but every time I thought about it my stomach knotted up, I saw red and wanted to punch something. I could see my dad talking to my mom and they both looked over at me. Mom still saw the good in everyone but I guess I wasn't as angelic as mom.

I slept great that night, maybe the five beers has something to do with it. For me sleeping in until nine thirty was a real treat and having a home cooked breakfast waiting for me just added to my good mood.

"Steve, everyone will be here by six tonight. We're doing chicken on the grill so I'll need you to help your father. You know how he burns every thing he cooks on the grill."

"When will Anna be here?"

"Just before six. You know she hasn't seen you in two years, she may not recognize you. I've showed her pictures of you, but you've got shorter hair now so don't go nuts if she doesn't run into your arms."

"Don't worry, I'll go slow."

"How many people are coming tonight?"

"About twelve besides us."

When I asked who they were, mom just smiled and said I'd know everyone.

By five o'clock the food was on the grill and I was having my first brew of the day. I was basting the chicken when my dad came out on the deck.

"Taking over for me are you? You don't think your old man knows how to cook chicken on the damn grill?"

"Just making sure we have something to eat tonight,"

At about a quarter to six I heard the front bell. My dad said he'd get it but I told him not to bother because it was probably Anna. When I opened the door, all I saw was Hank.

"You've got thirty seconds to get the fuck out of here or I'm going to put a bullet between your fucking eyes," I said. He got nervous and tried to say something.

"Steve, these are our guests," my mom said pushing me to the side and inviting Hank, Mary and Wendy into our house. Wendy had Anna in her arms but all I could see was red.

"What the fuck are they doing here?" I shouted.

"Steve I will not allow that kind of talk in my house and please lower your voice," she said, as everyone appeared more than a little tense. "They are our guests."

"I never thought I'd get blindsided by my own mother," I said looking directly at her while I grabbed my car keys and walked out the door. I heard a few people call my name, but I wasn't hearing a thing; I just wanted out of there.

The beer was cold and went down mighty easy as I spent the next five hours asking myself why my mom had done what she did. I knew why but it didn't make it any easier. I spent the night in the back seat of my car down by the lake. It was the same spot where Wendy and I had done it the first time. Good memories and bad ones all at the same time.

I walked into a hornet's nest the following morning. My mom was more than primed. It was how could I have done this or that and where was I all night? There was a lot about how I embarrassed her and something about forgiveness but she was going a mile a minute so I just let her rant and rave as I calmly poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. It took her all of ten minutes to finish. She was flushed and ended up fanning herself to cool off.

"Are you done?" I asked fully expecting her to start in on me again. "Why didn't you tell me that Hank and Wendy were invited?"

"I figured you'd tell me no way and get angry."

"Well, isn't that about what happened?"

"Steve, he's sorry that he overreacted. He was just trying to protect Wendy, that's all. I figured you might be a little angry but I never expected that type of reaction; I guess your father was right. I'm sorry about last night, but you never got to see Anna and we had her all ready to see you. She didn't understand why everyone was yelling and crying."

"Mom, can't you just go get her for me and bring her over here?"

"Up until last night that might have worked but now everyone has an attitude again. Do you know how long it took Mary and I to get your dad and Hank to just talk to one another again? Whether you like it or not, Anna has two sets of grandparents who love her dearly and two parents that need to talk."

"Not going to happen mom. I want nothing to do with Wendy; been there done that. She bailed on me and she can fuck herself."

"Steve, enough of that foul mouth talk in my house. I know I didn't teach you to talk like that and I won't have it in my house. Is that understood?"

"Yes mother dear," I said mocking her.

"Good, now that we have that straight, we can talk about Anna. Wendy is bringing her over at about eleven o'clock when she goes to class. You'll have her to yourself for about two hours if that ok with you?"

"Mom, that's all I wanted since I've been back."

I made sure I was scarce when Wendy dropped her off. It looked like Wendy was looking for me, but I was in no mood to talk to her. I came downstairs and called out to Anna.

"Anna, come here, it's daddy," I said resting on my knees.

She looked at me, then my mom before she was led over to me. She looked at me, touched my face while my mom said that I was her daddy. The clinker came when she showed Anna my picture.

"See, this is your daddy," that clicked in her brain and he gave me a big hug.

"You got a kiss for your daddy?"

Anna gave me a big wet kiss and started leading me around by the hand all the while telling my mom this was her daddy; I was in heaven. For the next hour and a half she never left my side. I read to her, ate with her and just looked at her. She was just about two and a half when I'd left and had grown so much. Now, I was the one to feel bad that I'd missed so much. I was so consumed with Anna, I never heard Wendy come in the room. I guess she'd been standing in the doorway for about five minutes before Anna saw her.

"Mommy, look daddy," was the first thing she said dragging me over to Wendy by the hand. She put her hands up, so I picked her up. She looked at me then her mom before giving me another kiss. She then reached out to Wendy. She grabbed Anna and gave her a big kiss before wanting to be let down. She walked over to my mom and led her into the kitchen asking for a drink. I was now an official part of her life.

"Hello Steve, you're looking well. It looks like you've put on a few pounds."

"I'm doing fine, I hear you're in school."

"Almost half done with my AA. It's been a little tough but thanks to your mom, she helped make it possible. I'm sorry about yesterday, I thought you knew we were all coming over."

"I guess everyone knew but me, but no matter."

"You know we still have to talk."

"Wendy, you said it all two years ago when you walked out. You've moved on and now it's time for me to think about my future."

"Steve, I'm sorry for what I said. I was really confused and feeling more than a little sorry for myself. You don't know what it was like to be cooped up with a baby while all my friends we out enjoying themselves. I guess I felt kind of cheated. I wasn't ready to be a mother."

"How about me? Do you think I was ready to be a dad? I also had a life but it all changed when you got pregnant. I didn't leave you; I did the best I could for you and Anna. Whether you believe it or not, I loved you and Anna more than anything else in the world, but I could see you weren't satisfied with me."

"Steve, back then I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted my old life back."

"Well, I guess you got what you and your asshole father wanted; me out of the picture. But I'm coming back, and if your dad gives me a hard time about seeing Anna, we're going to have more than words again."

"Steve, he's sorry and wanted to apologize to you last night before you left. He never even knew you were sending money to me for Anna. I guess he thought you were a low life that got his baby girl knocked up and left her to fend for herself."

"I didn't leave Wendy, you did."

"Steve, I'm sorry," is all I let her get out of her mouth.

"Wendy, just leave me the fuck alone all right. You and your God damn friends and family can do what ever, I don't care anymore. I just want to be a part of Anna's life."

"Steve, I've never denied you that."

I just gave her a look that would have froze the sun before she could say another word.

"Wendy, I've got to go. I'm meeting some of my real friends and I don't want to be late." I gave my girl another kiss, bit her ear and said I would see her later. She gave me a big hug and I got my first wet peanut butter kiss.

"Well, I guess what they say is true, only the good die young," my buddy Carl said and four of us tipped back more than a few.

"How much time you got left?"

"Two months and I'm going to be officially discharged. Then it's trade school to learn electronics. I need some type of skill that I can take anywhere I decide to go. Hell, I could go back as a civilian and make more money in a year that any of you could earn in five years."

"But there's always the chance of getting shot. I'll take my measly wage and a safe place to hang my hat at night."

"Here, here," was what everyone to a man told me.

"Besides Steve, you've got a wife and kid to worry about."

"A kid yes, but no wife," I replied.

"Connie tells me you two aren't even divorced yet."

"Just a matter of signing on the bottom line. Hell, she'd probably been fucking every stray dick around since I've been gone. I was with her for almost three years, there's no way that girl could have been celibate; I know her."

"Sorry to bust your bubble buddy, the word on the street is that she was hands off. She went out with her group of friends but told everyone she was married."

"Bull shit."

"Hey man, you can ask Connie or anyone else and they'll tell you the same damn thing. But I guess after you sign the papers she be the new hot commodity around here, and I know more than a few guys that would love to tap that ass of hers."

We spent the rest of the night drinking, eating and bull shitting one another. By midnight I'd had enough and took a cab home. My mom was waiting up for me.

"Honey you got a minute to talk?"

"Sure mom, where's dad?"

"Where do you think he is? Sleeping and that's where I should be too."

"I need to know what you plan on doing about Wendy. I know she's sorry about what she did and by the time she realized what an idiot she'd been, you were gone. When you didn't come home before you went overseas we were all mad at you. If something had happened to you I never would have forgiven you."

"Mom, if something happened, I would have been dead and you couldn't have yelled at me."

"Steve, you know what I mean."

"Mom, she never wrote me in the entire fifteen months I was over there. The only thing I got from her was divorce papers."

"Honey, her father sent you those papers without telling her. When Wendy found out she went round and round with her dad and didn't even talk to him for almost a month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she was right or would excuse her for what she did, just sit down and talk to her before you go off half cocked again."

"Don't worry mom, I'll listen to her lies like I did for the three years we were together. So if you don't mind, I'm going to do what dad's doing but in my room, goodnight mom," I said giving her a hug before going up to my old room.

I saw Anna every day after that. Even if Wendy didn't have school, she still dropped her off at moms. We did everything a father and an almost five year old could do. The park, the zoo, but I put my foot down on the giant roller coaster; even though she said her mom said it was ok. The last two and a half weeks had flown by and I still was avoiding the elephant in the corner.

"Mom, can you watch Anna tomorrow night? I plan on taking Wendy out to dinner and need to be alone with her." My mom gave me that look. "And no it's not for that either, it's just to talk. Maybe I should tell dad you think about sex all the time?" That put her back on her heels.

"Wendy, you want to go to dinner tomorrow night and talk?" I asked her when she picked up Anna. "Mom said she'd watch her for us; how about it?"

"Sure, why not. We need to get a few things worked out anyway," she said in a snotty tone of voice.

"Look, if you don't want to go just say so," I said getting tired of her attitude. "You were the one who said you wanted to talk."

"All right, my class ends at seven o'clock so I should be here no later than twenty after. I'll be in jeans so let's make it casual." Damn, she sounds like she's doing me a favor going out with me; things sure have changed in two weeks.

Antonia's had great food and was romantically quiet. It had been one of our favorites before we got married. I dressed casual but nice and Wendy wore a short top and had on jeans the showed more skin than fabric. I thought it was crazy to pay good money for damaged jeans, but in this case they were worth ever penny.

After we ordered and got our bottle of wine I asked her what she had on her mind.

"It doesn't make any difference any more," was all she said.

"All right, so if there isn't anything on your mind or nothing you want to talk about, we can have a nice dinner and I can take you home," I said sipping on the wine before looking at the bottle and then showing her. "Do you remember, this is the same wine we had on our wedding night," I said laughing. "Two underage kids trying to look grown-up by drinking champagne."

"And it was the worst, wasn't it?" Wendy replied.

"Well, you drank it anyway."

"That's when you opened those bottles of white zinfendale. I was crazy scared and needed something, anything to calm my nerves."

"Wendy, you never told me you were scared; I thought I was the only one. I wasn't sure what to do so I suggested the shower. I figured it was as good as anything to break the ice."

"I wasn't sure if you'd be disappointed, you know, in my body. I'm not the bustiest or have all the curves some of the other girls have."

"Wendy, you were beautiful and I told you so."

"I just thought you were saying that to make me feel good."

I grabbed both of her hands in mine. "You were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."

"Steve, how many other totally naked women had you ever seen in the shower before?"

"Well, none, but that's not the point," I said starting to laugh which brought a huge smile to her face also.

"So, is that your new line, come on baby, let's take a shower together?" she asked laughing.

"No, you're the only girl I've ever said that to," I replied pulling my hands away. I didn't laugh this time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it and besides, hell, Steve I don't want a divorce. I know we had problems but I care for you and want another shot at it."

It was quiet between us for what seemed like hours before I spoke.

"I care for you, you care for me and we've got Anna; sounds like the making of a good relationship doesn't it? But not the old one we had."

"But Steve." she started to say before stopping her.

"Wendy, hear me out before you say anything. Our old marriage is dead. The one we had died when you left two years ago. We probably never would have made it even if you'd stayed. To immature kids and a baby, it never would have worked the way we were going at each other. I've thought long and hard at what I want and mostly need out of a relationship be it with you or someone else."

"So you're saying that you've found someone else?"