(You Drive Me) Crazy Ch. 01

"Why would I break up with him?" I asked.

"I thought you and I..." he paused. "I mean, we've been having sex all the time..." I suppose Neil said "all the time" instead of "every day" because we'd usually have sex more than once a day.

"Yeah... and what does one have to do with the other?"

"I mean, now you're just cheating on John," he said.

"John doesn't own me. We're totally open so we see other people." When Neil saw me out with John the night before, I'd gone over to Neil and talked to him for about an hour and we'd disappeared out on the fire escape for a while to make out.

John wasn't too pleased when I came back and ostracized me a bit. I think he only thought I was a "woman of the world" when he could tell me to be one.

"Well, I don't want you to have sex with him anymore," Neil said. "I'm not open."

"Neil," I said and rolled my eyes. He was my best friend but part of me was fantasy for him, I think. Otherwise he couldn't have said something so stupid.

"Seriously, Renee, I was so pissed when I saw you with him. You've got to break up with him."

"Neil, I can break up with him, I don't care. If it pisses you off then I'll dump him, whatever. But I'm not a one man type of girl. I'll never be your 'girlfriend'- I mean, how you want me to be."

I knew pretty well what Neil liked in a girl. I had met a few of his other girlfriends, including Shelia. They were all kind of like those freshmen girls, more like fans than girlfriends. They'd fawn all over him, bend over backwards to make him happy.

I'd been to the surprise birthday party Sheila had thrown for Neil. She'd baked about one hundred cupcakes by hand and then spelled out Happy Birthday Neil on them and decorated others with little basketballs.

"You've just never met the right guy before. We're great for each other. You won't want to fuck other guys."

"Neil, you're making this hard. I mean, think about me and then think about Shelia."

"What does Shelia have to do with anything?" he asked. "She's past. She's history." I sighed.

"I just mean that I am really, really different from the sort of girl who you normally date."

"Yeah, but Shelia was all wrong for me," he said. "That's why we broke up. I don't want you to be like Shelia."

"I mean, you liked that Shelia was faithful, right? I love just- you know- being free, having lots of crazy sex, flirting, getting hit on all the time. That's me. I won't change. It's not cause of you. If there's anyone I'd want to change for, it's you, but I don't want to change."

"You can have crazy sex with me," Neil replied. I could tell he was getting hurt.

"Yeah, but- I don't know, I mean, you're a guy, you get it right? I like to have sex with lots of different guys. I like to explore you know- limits, boundaries, see what's out there, have fun." Neil probably realized he was getting dangerously close to begging. There was a long pause.

"Well, you know yourself best," he said. I felt bad that I hurt him, especially since I was trying to avoid hurting him. "We can just be friends."

"Friends with benefits," I replied. "I mean, the sex is phenomenal! We aren't going to give that up."

"No, we're going to have to give that up," Neil said. "I'm not like you, it's hard for me to have sex with you and see you with other guys. We'll just be friends."

"Oh... come on," I replied. At that moment, I felt so shitty, so low. "I'm really sorry," I said. "You know, you're the best I've ever had."

"Yeah, thanks," Neil replied. He didn't look at me and I could tell he wanted me to leave. I fumbled around, trying to think of something to say, I mean, what did he want to hear? I told him he was the best I'd ever had, that was a compliment coming from me cause I'd had LOTS. I gave up then, and just gave him a sad little smile and left.

Check out (You Drive Me) Crazy Ch. 02 under Anal Sex