You Say, I Say

If you're interested in anything but wonderful, straight sex, or you're male, you may want to move to a different author.

If you're a lady please continue and please understand that what I say is from my heart.

Your response -- my response

You're only interested in sex - - I am interested in you, sex would be nice.

You just want to get in a girl's pants - - I am interested in you, I'm sure that what is in the pants is perfect and would be just as nice.

You don't even know me - - Nor you me, but I'd like to know you.

I might be ugly - - A woman is never ugly.

I might be too thin, too average, or too fat - - You're perfect as you are.

I might be too short or too tall - - As I said, you're perfect as you are.

I could be disabled or challenged - - I have no doubt that you're a challenge, but you're a beautiful lady, the rest doesn't matter.

Would you push my wheelchair? - - When can we leave?

Would you change my bedpan? - - Can I use a clothespin on my nose?

I may be married - - How fortunate he is.

I may have a bunch of kids - - Lucky kids.

I like dogs, or cats, or birds - - So do I.

I can't have animals around - - I'll get rid of them.

I may be poor, ill-mannered, uneducated - - So might I, but this is what you are.

I like gifts - - If I can afford them, or earn them, they're my pleasure to give.

I may hate sex, or love too much sex - - I hope I can help, should the occasion rise.

I may be bi-sexual or gay - - Not if you're reading this.

I don't like group sex - - Me, too.

I don't like a lot of sex - - You set the rules.

I need attention - - As often as you like.

I may run around - - I hope you won't have to

I like tall guys - - I can wear lifts in my shoes.

I like short guys - - Please remove my legs.

I like skinny men - - don't feed me.

I like fat men - - Got any pie?

I like strong men - - I'll forget to use my 'Right Guard'.

I like sportsmen - - Do you like my Nike's?

I like Nerds - - Do you know the general solution to the 'Wave Equation'?

Do you write? - - Not very well.

I'm allergic to dust - - I can vacuum.

I don't like housework - - I'll do it or get a maid.

What if I'd like a male housekeeper - - May I be home when he's here?

I don't like staying home - - We'll rent an apartment.

I mean I like to get out of the house - - Me, too.

You're crowding me - - I'll back up.

You're stalking me - - Send me away.

I don't like you - - I'll leave.

You've never seen me, and can't see me now - - You're in my heart and mind.

You're naïve - - I'm satisfied.

Do you like me the way I am? - - I adore you the way you are.

You're too meek - - I know what I want.

My feet hurt - - May I massage them?

Do you have a brother? - - He's old and ugly (Two years older than I am, looks more like your favorite TV/Movie star, not like me).

Any sisters? - - No, unfortunately.

Do you have a good job? - - Not as good as I'd like, but adequate for my needs.

Do you have an education? - - I'm still working on improving it.

Will you cherish me? - - In every way.

Will you cheat? - - Only if we can't afford the taxes.

Would you go to prison for me? - - You've already imprisoned me.

Are you forgiving? - - Forever.

Are you a good lover? - - I'd like you to tell me, or train me.

Do you have staying power? - - I'll seriously work on it.

Do you like oral sex? - - Anyway will be perfect.

Would you love me? - - I do.

Is this going to be a one night stand? - - You decide.

Doesn't anything about me bother you? - - Only that you don't realize how great you are.