Note to readers: I wrote down some thoughts in my journal while these things were happening. Therapy. It was a difficult time for me when my husband, Ralph, passed away. My marriage is basically off limits but, now that I have recovered from the grieving process, I thought it would be fun to share some of my subsequent experiences with you. Of course, I have added more sexual thoughts and feelings to these stories than I had in my journals. I hope that is okay with you. I'll bet it is!
Though I am certain that I appeared quite conservative to outsiders, Ralph and I had a very sexual marriage. Many times, many ways. We both enjoyed a strong sex drive, and were quite open in expressing our desires and preferences. But then I felt out of place, having the same desires and lusts outside of marriage. These stories will try to show my conversion from a housewife to ... whatever I am now.
I was an 18 year old virgin when I was married, believe it or not. I had very little experience with any kind of sex. My husband had been my only serious relationship, and he treated me like a lady, even when I was only 16. We had been married nearly 10 years when he was taken ill and died.
For more than 2 years I had no desire to date. So here I am a 31 year old widow, and now starting to realize that I greatly missed the feeling of a man. A man's strong arms holding me, a man's lips kissing me, a man's sweating body on top of me, a man's hard penis sinking deep into me. Oh, my, where had these thoughts come from? They must have been building for a while, but it seemed to burst into my consciousness overnight, much to my shock and surprise.
My name is Sue, by the way. Well, Sue to my friends. Susan professionally. Suzie sometimes to my best friends, especially when we were having a little immature fun. I was often called Suzie by my husband when we were fooling around, and having decidedly mature fun. I like having three names. It is like having three personalities, and allows me to be very serious at times and to let myself go at other times.
Doug had been a good friend of both me and my husband for years, and was one of my strongest supporters when Ralph died. Even through his divorce, about a year after my husband passed, he remained a close friend and supporter. Through all of those long, emotional conversations and sometimes late nights, he never once made a pass at me. He never acted like he was there because of any attraction towards me, simply to give me support. Now, over 2 years later, I began wondering why.
Didn't he find me attractive? I am not vain, but I feel like I am a quite attractive woman. Blessed with great genes from both my mother and father, I was 5'6", slender, had a great figure, and soft, smooth skin. My breasts were not large, but certainly large enough, (a nice, full B-cup) and sat proudly on my chest with little sag, though no-one would know that unless they saw me naked. I had shoulder length, dark blonde hair with enough natural body and shine in it to keep it always attractive. My small waist set off curvy hips that had a sexy sway when I walked in spite of myself.
I thought of Doug when I suddenly found myself ready to start dating again. And why not? Aside from being sensitive and supportive, he was a hunk. Tall, athletic, with rugged good looks, Why wouldn't a girl want to date him? When a little flirting didn't seem to work, I mentioned to him that I was ready to date, and asked if he would like to be my first. He seemed both surprised and eager, and so we were set. Only one rule - it was a real date. No talk of former spouses and the emotional stress from it. Strictly a date.
He picked me up and we went out to a very nice dinner. Not a romantic place, but very upscale and lovely. Afterwards we went to a late movie, one that he picked for my enjoyment. A thrill shot through my body when he reached over and held my hand. I put my other hand on top of his as well as on his muscular upper arm at various times, and his arm was around my waist as we walked afterwards. It wasn't much, but at the time it seemed exciting, and a big step for me. I almost felt like a little teenaged virgin on her first date. When he kissed me goodnight, I got very flustered at first, but soon melted into his arms for a passionate kiss. Weak-kneed, I went into my house with a tingling between my legs.
Since I had asked him out, I was determined that it was now up to him, or our little flirtation would be at an end. Therefore, I was tickled when he called me the very next day and told me how much he had enjoyed himself, asking me out for the next weekend. We had another nice date, but our third date is when it got exciting.
After a little heavy necking on our second date, our third date found us on my sofa necking some more, but this time his hand found my breast. When I didn't object, he fondled it and worked his hand under my dress.. Fondling it over my thin bra, he also stroked the flesh just above the bra cup. It had been so long since I had felt a man do even this much that I felt chills over my whole body. When his fingers reached into my bra cup far enough to push firmly against my hardened nipple, I nearly exploded. A gasp escaped from my mouth, and my hand involuntarily moved from his chest to his crotch, finding and squeezing his erection tight all in one motion.
My mind was still racing to comprehend what we were doing as Doug feverishly tore at the buttons of my dress. It opened up and he reached in to push my bra cups up, exposing my breasts. His hand pressed firmly into one, causing a gasp from us both, and he pinched the hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger. That sent an electric spark from my nipple straight to my pussy. My nipples had always been extremely sensitive, and it had been so long since anyone other than me had touched them. I am sure that by this time my panties had to be wet, and my whole body was on fire.
When his hand reached under my dress and quickly ran up my leg to my crotch, I stopped kissing.
"No," I said firmly, though gasping for breath. "Not that much. Not yet."
"Why?" he asked. "We're not young kids, we like each other, and we both need this."
That was true. In fact I was a very sexual person. My sex life had been very full. My husband and I had frequent sex, and were not shy about trying many positions and being very open about what we liked. The only way I had been conservative was in not cheating on my husband. I never even contemplated sex outside of marriage. So although I was very experienced, at this point I felt almost prudish, simply because this was a whole, new, uncomfortable world I was entering. I tried reminding myself that this was okay, it was normal. My mind bounced back and forth between wanting to say "No" and wanting to say "Now." And sometimes my body just acted on its own.
His hand was still on my panties, and I couldn't think straight. Without a word I lifted my hips up off the sofa and he pulled the panties off. He pulled them on down to my knees and they dropped to my ankles, where I kicked them off. There I was, baring my pussy to a man for the first time in years, and Doug took little time in placing his hand flat against it. I could feel the wetness as his fingers played with my pussy lips as I was being driven wild.
Finally I began thinking a little clearer, deciding I shouldn't be allowing his hand in my crack. But what was the alternative for an aroused lady? So I turned my body towards his and with both hands attacked his pants, undoing his belt, button, and zipper, allowing his erection to leap out, covered only by his under-shorts. I grabbed his shaft and pulled at it hard, causing him to groan and loosen his grip on my slit. Was this really better? I admit I wasn't really thinking as clearly as I believed, but I know I wanted to feel a hard dick very badly.
"I can't wait to feel you inside me. Do you have a condom?" I asked. My God, what was I saying?
"No," he answered, sounding very dejected.
I moved off the sofa, kneeling on the floor between his knees and pulling his dick out. I felt the warm flesh of a man's penis for the first time in years, and the only one I had ever felt or seen except for my husband's. I was surprised at the size of it. It looked at least an inch bigger than Ralph's had been, as well as thicker. Later on I would realize that Ralph's penis was a small one and Doug's was about average, but at this moment it seemed quite large to me. Though my dildo was about his size.
Ralph had trained me in all things sexual, and I had learned to give blow jobs well and often, thinking it was routine. Eventually, even while we were still married, I found out that many women do not give blow jobs at all, and others only rarely do. But by then I had learned to enjoy doing it. I really liked the feeling of that hard bone in my hand and mouth, the soft skin covering it, the power it held and the power I had over it.
Of course I knew about circumcised penises, but as Ralph had not been I had never seen one. I spent a lot of time examining the head of Doug's circumcised dick with my eyes, finger, and mouth. The soft fleshy head was always exposed, never sliding back under his skin. The ridge behind the head was also bigger. All of this exploration took my mind momentarily off the pure sex of the situation, but not so for Doug. My fingers tracing their way around the head, and my tongue licking the same, had him breathing hard. Each time my mouth closed around his erection he moaned a bit, and when I sucked in like a vacuum on his dick he groaned louder.
I put my curiosity aside and went about trying to satisfy him. I already had been, but now I had a purpose. I licked the whole way down and back up his shaft, wrapped my hand around the base of it while sucking on the head. My tongue continued licking the head even as I sucked on it, and I licked the shaft inside my mouth as I forced as much of his cock as I could between my lips.
Doug gritted his teeth, managing to say, "Sue, I really want to fuck you!"
I took him out of my mouth long enough to ask, "Don't you like this?"
Putting his erection back into my mouth, I took as much as I possibly could, feeling his mushroom head hit the back of my throat, gagging me before I pulled back enough to breathe.
"Ahhhh," Doug said. "Yes, this is great," he managed to say, but it wasn't easy for him. "But..."
"Nuh-uhh," I said with my mouth full. I turned my head from side to side to emphasize that I meant no. Since his dick was deep into my mouth, the shaking of my head had a sensual effect on his throbbing member. He groaned again and didn't try to speak. As I could tell he was getting close, I pumped my hand on his shaft faster and sucked on it vigorously. I felt his dick grow bigger in my mouth, and his hips started pushing it into my mouth. He was nearly there, starting to moan, finally warning me. "I'm going to cum!"
I, of course, knew that, and continued my actions. I felt his cum flow up his shaft and shoot out into my mouth. I was surprised at the strength of it as it hit the back of my throat. I pulled his dick out until only the head was in my mouth, swallowing hard to make room for more. And more there was. He shot several very large spurts into my mouth before he slowed down, and I tried to swallow it all. Some leaked out of my mouth before I caught up to the copious amount of sperm, then I sucked more of his dick into my mouth as his spurts slowed. I sucked him dry, until he pulled my head away from his dick.
He looked at me, dazed and exhausted. "My God, that was great! And you swallowed. GOD! Not many women do."
I just smiled up at him, still feeling cum dripping from my lips, thinking that I must have had a good teacher.
I got up and took my seat again on the sofa beside him, my tits still exposed, while Doug slumped over onto my shoulder.
"But I wanted to.." he hesitated before finishing, "fuck you." I guess he couldn't think of another way to say it at the moment.
"I know. I would love to have you in me. But not today," I answered. Condom first, I thought to myself. I knew he had been with other women, and I wasn't about to take a chance on the various diseases that were possible.
His hand had crept up my leg and was toying with my crotch, finally letting his fingers stroke my nether lips. I still hadn't had any sexual relief, and I needed some. Damn, I needed some!
"Do you want to eat my pussy?" I asked.
I was shocked, hearing me say that. I don't think I had ever used the word 'pussy' in front of a man besides Ralph, and here I had just asked Doug to eat my pussy! That shows how much I needed it, and he wasn't showing any sign of giving me relief very quickly. He hesitated, and I wondered if he was going to disappoint me.
He looked at me shyly, then looked away. "I would love to, but I don't have much experience."
"That's okay," I said eagerly. Then I started thinking about what he meant. "Didn't you and Carla..." I hesitated before finishing.
"She didn't want me to," he answered simply. He got between my legs and pushed my skirt up to my waist, exposing my naked pussy. "Maybe you'll have to teach me."
"Okay," I smiled down at him. "Oh, Carla, what you were missing," I thought to myself. And now suddenly I was the teacher.
"OH MY GOD," I thought to myself as his tongue licked along my pussy lips. No teaching is necessary, anything he does is going to be fine with me after all this time. My pussy was aching for his touch, and it didn't care exactly how it was touched.
As his lips licked at my slit, I moaned, started thrashing my head about, and slid my butt down to the edge of the cushion to give him the best access. I didn't give any thought to how wet I was, or if he minded the sticky fluid. He didn't give any indications of minding it as he went ahead enthusiastically licking all around my snatch, driving me wild.
"Put a finger in my hole," I pleaded, and he did. He pushed a finger in deeply, and I moaned loudly. Finally, someone in my pussy. Maybe it wasn't much, but it felt like everything to me at the time. I pushed my hips further toward him, trying to get his finger as deeply in as I could as he sawed in and out of me.
"Lick my clit," I said, hoping he knew where to find it. I reached down to find it for him, to see if it was hiding under its hood, but his tongue found it first.
"Oh, GOD!" I yelled as the sparks flew from my crotch to every part of my body. I bucked my hips into the air, into his finger, into his mouth, and before I could say I was cumming, I was cumming.
My orgasm hit fast and hard. My pussy muscles spasmed hard. My hands went to my crotch and grabbed his hand so that his finger couldn't leave my hole. One hand accidently landed on his head and pulled tight against me, as if I wanted his mouth to keep on my clit. But that was okay. It was the longest, hardest orgasm I had had in years. I moaned and sighed for minutes while my body shook and very gradually calmed down. I pulled Doug's head off me, but kept his finger inside for a while longer. I had a hard time catching my breath.
There wasn't much Doug could do as I held his finger in my pussy, and I realized that my thighs were holding our hands tight between them. He stroked my leg with his free hand and laid his head on my leg, looking up at me as I attempted to control myself. At first I was a little embarrassed at my loss of control and how I must have looked, but then I thought, "Who cares?" and relaxed.
I loosened my grip on him with my hands and my thighs, and looked down at him and smiled.
"Thanks," I said, immediately regretting it but not showing it.
"Believe me, it was my pleasure!" he answered.
I smiled wider, feeling more at ease.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't let you ... inside me."
"That's okay," he said reassuringly. "That's fine. You were fantastic. I loved every second. Maybe another time." Was that a statement or a question? I wasn't sure. I didn't care.
"Definitely," I said, but even while I said it I was moving to cover myself up, not feeling right being so completely exposed to him. But what a feeling it had been. Yes, I was glad I finally had sex after all this time. I had missed it greatly, and was surely going to continue.