tagExhibitionist & VoyeurYou're Never Too Old to Get Laid

You're Never Too Old to Get Laid


Well, I got in trouble with my last Nude Day entry, Texas Mermaids. Apparently, it's just TOO believable. I wonder how that could be? My wife keeps asking me how much of it is true. I'm not admitting to anything!

Anyway, this time I thought I would write something that couldn't possibly be true -- could it?

When I was in college, I lived in a dorm right across the street from a nursing home. My roommate freshman year used to hang out the window and yell "You're never too old to get laid!" for the benefit of the residents. I used to think it was funny.

First of all, I have to explain that the reason I could go off for solo swims in deserted lakes, when I was younger, was that my wife was taking the kids to the beach earlier in the day. I was more or less left to my own devices later in the afternoon when I got out of work. Now my life has changed. The kids are gone, work is gone, only the wife (fortunately) remains. But she does not share my taste for hiking back to remote, unguarded waters, so for the most part we swim at our club, which is on a fairly large lake in a nearby park. It has a fairly large swimming area, roped off, and most afternoons there is a lifeguard. However, that doesn't mean that I've given up my taste for skinny dipping. Once you're used to life without tan lines, it's hard to give that up. It just means I've had to change tactics. There are a lot of days when it's deserted enough to roll down the bathing suit, and be more or less naked in the water, exposed enough to get some sun on forbidden parts of the anatomy.

There are obvious advantages to doing it this way, as opposed to true skinny dipping. You still have the bathing suit with you, rolled down around your thighs, so that it can be recovered quickly if more people wander onto the dock. And, from a distance, you appear still to be wearing something, even though that something is not covering what it's supposed to. There are some problems, though. Sometimes the bathing suit gets rolled just right, and it stays securely at the hips, right at the bottom of the butt. More often than not, it keeps slipping down, has to be rearranged all the time, and keeps unrolling. It can turn swimming into an exercise in wardrobe readjustment. So, when it is really, really secluded down at the dock, just my wife and me, I will take the suit off completely once I get into the water, and leave it hanging on the ladder.

My home state is very overprotective, and there is a rule that one adult must be present on the dock at all times, if anyone else is in the water. This is completely useless and meaningless, but there is a chance the camp could be shut down if we got caught too often violating it. So, when it is just the two of us, one of us is dozing on the dock while the other swims. We ran into exactly this situation the other morning. We had to swim very early, because my wife had an afternoon meeting. We got over to the camp, and there was no one there, except for the director, and two old ladies who rent one of the cabins. We've known them for a few summers. They are sisters, both widowed. They have houses in different states, but they hang out together a lot, going on various adventures, and renting this summer cabin at the camp. Even though they must both be at least in their mid seventies, they are still like torpedoes when they hit the water. They are always talking about their trips -- safaris, cruises, grand tours. My wife has often said she hoped to be going that strong when we get to their age. Little did she know.

In any case, they were signed in, but there wasn't any sign of them at the dock. It seemed like it was too early for them to be swimming. There was no lifeguard, which meant that my wife and I were going to have to take turns. Time was a little tight for that. I didn't want the rolled up bathing suit hampering me. On the other hand, wearing it properly when there was absolutely no one around was just too annoying. So, I left it on the ladder. My wife had already gone into doze mode. She never even gave a glance at me to realize I had abandoned the suit. I spent the next half hour or so pushing hard to get my laps in as quickly as possible. I more or less forgot about the fact that I was naked.

I was about finished, when I realized that my wife was in the water with me. This was not good news, because it meant that someone else was up on the dock. My wife was swimming along without a trace of concern for my unclad state. I could only assume that she had used the other ladder, and had not noticed my bathing suit hanging on the one I had come down. So, it seemed like a fairly simple situation. I would retrieve the suit, slip it back on, and no one would be the wiser. But when I got back to the ladder, the suit was missing.

"Hi WR." There was a familiar voice from the dock. It was one of the nice old ladies, except somehow she didn't sound quite as nice as usual.

"Hi Emily," I replied, hoping that I was remembering which one was which. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Are you okay? You seem to be thrashing around down there." She peered down into the clear water with her aged, weak eyes. Apparently, not quite weak enough. "Oh my, you seem to be missing something. Hey Kathie, you won't believe this, WR is skinny dipping!"

"My heavens!"

"I'm sorry," I said, "I don't mean to offend you. You could just bring over a towel ..."

"Nonsense! You think we're offended?" And with that, Emily stripped off her suit, so quickly I didn't have time to object. "We've been skinny dipping down here for years," she said, "when no one else was around. Right Sis?"

"All our lives. Of course, it used to be a little more interesting when we were younger." The other sister stood up to let me see that she was taking off her suit also. Really, for their age, they were still very attractive. No fat, no wrinkles. Those ladies had really kept themselves in great shape.

"Hi." The two sat down as my wife approached the dock, so that she could not see that they were naked.

"Hi," I replied and I started to swim back out with her to the relative safety of the far end. "What lap is this?" I should explain that the swimming area is quite large, so each round trip is close to a hundred yards.

"It's only number three." She had another eight to go. "Look, the last time you tried to swim that many extra laps with me, you just fell asleep while we were screwing." She was talking quite loudly, and I was sure I could hear the old ladies tittering on the dock. "Get out of the water. I want you functioning later."

So I went back to the dock to tread water.

"WR, you're going to wear yourself out like that." It was Emily again. "You heard what Lilly said." So had she, apparently. "Come on, be a sport. It's not too often we get to see something like that."

"We went to that Shippendales show on the last cruise," her sister added. "But they were all just scrawny little boys."

Well, the water was getting a little chilly. What could it hurt to get out? I would just walk over to the basket that had our clothes in it, slip on my shorts, and ... I wasn't quite sure what my next step would be. Stay down on the dock with two naked old ladies? Shame them into putting their bathing suits back on? Retreat to the top of the hill and wait for my wife there? None of those seemed like good alternatives. But they were all better than what happened next.

"Oh," Emily drawled as I climbed up the ladder, "I guess you're glad to see us."

"Why WR," her sister drawled, "is there something we can do for you?"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, and I dashed for the back of the dock where the basket with towels and clothes should have been. But it was gone! "What's going on?" I turned back to see the sisters both giggling. "What happened to the basket?"

"Oh," Lilly said, "it's up there." She pointed up to the top of the hill, to the porch of the pavilion. I could hear people talking. A lot of people.

"What's going on?" I asked. "The place was deserted when we came in."

"Oh," she drawled, "I think it's one of those camp director meetings. The head of the park is here. They're having a big reception."

Oh great! It was only a matter of time until someone came out onto the porch and took a look down at the dock. I was really screwed. Well, not as screwed as I was about to be! Just how the hell my clothes and towel wound up there in the first place? Better not to ask. "Could one of you go up and get it?"

"Oh," she smiled, "we could, but we're not going to, not quite yet. You're going to have to do something for us first." She pulled herself up on the lifeguard locker and spread her legs. It was all too obvious what she had in mind.

"I can't do that," I said.

"Oh," she answered, "it looks to me like you can. What do you think, Sis?"

"Been a long time since I've seen a boner that hard. Can't wait to find out what it feels like." The other one gave one of those little old lady titters. I couldn't believe it. Why do we think of the aged as being innocent? They are the least innocent of all of us, the ones that have done the most foolish and evil things. Maybe not recently, granted, but these two seemed to have really good memories.

"There's no time," I objected. "My wife is right out there in the water. She's going to be back on the dock any minute."

"Seven more laps. Three minutes a lap -- you've got at least twenty minutes. Ten minutes each should be plenty of time for a young stud like you."

Young stud. Well, I guess everything is relative. I'm retired, early, granted, but I'm still a card carrying AARP member. And going for a swim was not the first activity my wife and I had shared that morning. This was a really, really bad idea. The problem was, I couldn't seem to get that message down below my waistline. There had to be a reasonable way out of this predicament, but I wasn't thinking about it. Instead, I was staring at that elderly pussy with a horrid fascination. I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said that the last part of a woman to go is her cunt, and you know what, he was right. Actually, I was thinking, I'm not too far from that age myself, my wife is going to be there all too soon. And really, it's not so bad, not so bad at all. I knelt down on the dock and took a few tentative licks.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she snapped.

"Lubrication," I explained. Actually, I was hoping I could get her off that way and have done with it.

"Listen sonny boy," she said. That didn't help. "We've both got mouths. We've got toys. What I want to feel is a hot cock coming inside me. You give me that, you'll get your clothes back."

"Me too," her sister chimed in. "Six laps left," she added. "You'd better get a move on."

"I still need lubrication."

"Here, use some sunscreen."

And, I watched her slather the white cream on me, and then I watched it all vanish into her pussy.

You know what? We spend a lot of time worrying about love, and beauty. But when it comes right down to it, one cunt feels like another. My college girl friend, towards the end of our relationship, made a bitter comment that it didn't matter who she had sex with. Anyone she allowed to manipulate her genitals would make her come. It turned out that wasn't true, but that's another story. Anyway, all I had to do was come, in about five minutes, in this stranger, about two hours after the last time I had ejaculated. And then repeat. Simple. Just close your eyes and let nature take its course. Quickly.

She was certainly enjoying herself. She started to spasm at about the first stroke, and then she tightened so much it actually brought me off. There was loud applause from the pavilion, but I reassured myself that it was unrelated.

"Okay," the sister said, "my turn." She perched on the box the same way Lilly had. "Not that way," I said. "Turn around. Lean over the top."


"You said you wanted to feel me come inside you. You didn't say where."

"He's got a point, Sis," Lilly said. "I guess a deal is a deal."

"You've got to be kidding me! Just give him his fucking clothes!"

"Come on, you know you like it."

"He's a hell of a lot bigger than that anal probe. Damn!" Something gleamed in Kathie's eyes, and then she turned her body away from me. From the back, it was really hard to tell how old she was. Her butt was a little shrivelled. That was about the only giveaway.

I know in all the stories about anal sex they talk about starting with a finger, adding another, or licking, or something like that. But I didn't have time for that. I just pushed a big wad of sunscreen up her butt, and rammed it in with my dick. She should have been screaming, but I slid right in without resistance. She must have been using that anal probe more than she admitted.

Well, I actually lasted about three minutes. It probably would have been three seconds if I hadn't just come. And that three minutes was long enough for her to make it twice. Very noisily. She was screaming her head off, there was another roar from the top of the hill, and I just pulled out, spattering her with come, and dove back into the water. Lilly came over to the edge and dropped in my bathing suit, which I put on as quickly as possible. Then she and her sister both pulled their suits back on. We were as prim and proper as could be.

"What's up?" My wife asked. She was just finishing her last lap. "I thought you were getting out."

"I did get out," I said. "I was hot. I wanted to rinse off."

"Well, I hope you didn't stay in too long. I don't want you worn out again."

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