You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

When it came time for the divorce hearing, we had still not agreed on the distribution of the lottery money. Both sides refused to budge from their positions. My lawyer told me he should drop my case because I was ruining his reputation as a barracuda. He smiled when he mentioned it.

The judge was gob smacked. He told us as much. Then he did something I thought was never done. He refused to grant a divorce.

"I do not feel anyone in this matter would be best served by the state granting this action," he began. "I have never seen both parties in a divorce argue over money in this fashion. It causes me to doubt the need for a divorce. Perhaps some counseling or just open dialogue between the parties will settle this."

He told our lawyers to keep working for a settlement and he would reconsider his opinion in a month. He urged Janet and me to talk it over as soon as possible. I left the courtroom totally confused. Janet's parents had attended the hearing and Bill approached me in the parking lot.

"Tom, I am asking you as a favor to me to come over to your house right now. We'll have a sandwich and a beer and try to resolve this thing. You are the two most stubborn people I have ever seen!" he admonished as he left, not waiting for my response.

Janet opened the door when I rang the bell. She looked pale, but pretty good otherwise. She hardly met my eyes as she turned and led me to the kitchen. Her folks had cold cuts and all the makings for more sandwiches than we could eat in a week. Bill handed me a cold beer.

"Tom, I caused this whole mess, so I want to speak first. My parents bought a winning lottery ticket and gave it to the kids and me to split. You already know that. You're entitled to half of my share since we were, still are actually, married when the kids and I turned it in," explained Janet. "I have a very selfish reason to want you to have half of it. It will help me forgive myself for the horrible wrong I did to you. I know you can't forgive me, but I haven't been able to forgive me either, and it really, really hurts.

"It isn't about the money, Tom. It's about me finally doing something that's right and fair to you. You deserve better than I have given. Please accept the money and I'll agree to the divorce. You'll be free of me."

Bill and Doris watched me closely as they waited for my response. I had given the thing a lot of thought.

"I don't think the money should have anything to do with forgiving yourself, Janet. What you did was terrible, but it's over and done. If you just accept the money and agree to the terms of the divorce, I'll have closure. If it helps any, I have forgiven you. It took some time, and more than a few beers, but I have forgiven you. I wish it had never happened, but we can't change the past. I loved you, Janet. I still do, but I can't trust you so I can't be married to you. I don't want you to lose your home or suffer because of me. I'm not very proud to admit the rest of the settlement is heavily in my favor, so just accept the money your parents have given you."

"I will not do that, Tom. I will fight this all the way to the Supreme Court if I have to," declared Janet a bit dramatically.

"For God's sakes!" yelled Bill, shocking the rest of us. "This is so damn pathetic I can't stand it. Janet fucked up and broke you heart, Bill. You can't stay married to a cheater, and she is that. Janet needs some sort of goddamn absolution or something before she'll agree to the divorce. Does that pretty well cover it?"

Bill continued when Janet and I both nodded meekly, "Then here's my suggestion. Take it for what it's worth. Janet, give the poor bastard the divorce and his dignity. He deserves that much from you. Tom, after the divorce, move back into the house and fuck Janet's brains out any goddamn time you feel like it. Treat her like a slut if you want. I don't give a shit. She needs you to take care of her and you're still in love with the stupid cow. You won't trust her for some time, if ever. That's a given.

"Janet, if this man is fucking stupid enough to move in and sleep with your slutty ass, will you agree to be faithful to him? And also agree that he may use very strong measures to keep you on the straight and narrow? You're one of those women that seem to require the threat of a firm hand, applied in the proper place."

"Dad, I'd agree to anything if Tom would move back in with me! I promise, Tom, you'd never have cause to regret it," cried Janet with passion.

There it was. Bill's half baked idea for a solution to my dilemma was on the table. I would get my divorce. And self respect back. Janet would have a provider and a chance to prove herself to me. I knew it was a totally fucked up idea. I'd have to be crazy to go along with Bill's proposal. I smiled and offered Bill my hand as Janet broke into tears.