NOTE: My participation is inconsistent at best, most recently due to an extraordinarily painful major relapse of an ongoing disability. Social contact is still very shaky for me, so I pretty much have to keep my distance nowadays, as I am very unsure of myself. I have shortened the info, clarified, and taken a lot of the baggage out (apparently put a little bit in, too. shame...). It?s not as open or exhaustive as before, but it?s still honest, and I worried that I might drag down the spirits of a reader or two if I left in the sheer negativity some of my words had contained. If you encounter me online, you will probably find me to be silent. I am bashful, reserved, and modest in the extreme when around people I am not very very familiar with. Aaaanyhooeth?

As far as autobiographical data goes, I lead a pretty dull life, and there isn't really that much to tell. Instead, I think that I will tell what I would do with my significant other if were there any such actual person outside my dreams.

Firstly, I'd give thanks. Often. I would drink communion as nectar from her chalice, and would kneel, hourly if allowed, at the most beautiful altar between the two central pillars of my most desired temple of attendance. Actually, given the choice, I might never leave. I might just take up residence and kneel at my lady's Chapel as a resident Monk, taking communion and offering thanks in as many and as varied ways and methods as my creatively warped mind and her patience allowed. My thanks might be a bit muffled, but versitile, clever, and always willing, always...obedient. how would I love her (and how!), let me count but a pittance of the ways...

(p.s. my words reflect a desired dedication to the cause, but I?m not into BDSM)

(many apologies in advance for redundant emphasis of a few favorites)

(slow, deep intake of breath)

erotic vocal and/or musical harmonic duet in mutual tandem

(basically vocalizing simultaneous orgasms in unison with close syncopation of pitch and decibel),

yoga,

Workout machines,

Grass,

Snow,

Mud,

Rain,

Cornfields,

Haybales,

Wheatfields,

Saunas,

Whirlpools,

Doctor's Offices,

fictitious "therapy" for all sorts

both mental health related and benign, by means of roleplaying (although years and years of psych therapy or successfully auditing of only just the right educational courses would make it deliriously delightful to "play pretend" if there were any such thing as such a deliberately and carnally empowered woman, to the point where I honestly think that I might have trouble standing or walking for a few minutes having just typed this)

Waiting Rooms

Rooftops

Natural Disasters

Waterfalls (yay!)

Infernos

Apocalypses

Earthquakes

Tornados

Hurricanes

Monsoon

daily honeymoons

many, many baths

(showers too. Geez would I ever want to get out?)

Sunset

Sunrise

Midnight

Under the milky, Silvered radiance of a full moon and a starbathed night sky, over a haunting, almost otherworldly windswept meadow

(woo-flicking-hoo!)

Skydiving (SUNSET, YEAH!!)

Scuba diving, far, far down where we *might* not be disturbed

(to be honest though, uh, I?m not all that exhibitionist)

(insert verb here) the bottle

(verb, it's what we'd do!!!)

aw, heck,

(insert verb) the (insert noun)

truth AND dare (effective and open communication can open up so many new avenues of possibility, especially for the insatiably adventurous and open-minded...)

smoldering, burning, unbroken eye contact, especially when losing composure together

calisthenics,

Tai Chi,

Aerobics,

creative (if deviant) uses of games like twister or slip-n-slide,

roleplaying the forbidden or downright impossible(the wrong word at just the right moment can be kinda over-the-edgy)

linoleum,

mineral oil,

massage oil,

body oil

baby oil

suntan oil,

suntan lotion (I have no preference as far as a woman's complexion, lets just say the smell of the stuff "bothers" me),

lakes,

beaches,

whirlpools,

saunas,

incredible, inescapable, uncontrollable showers,

long, slow, very slippery baths (whether there is any actual water in the tub or just a typically, copiously deviant amount of a given sort of oil or lube. OHYEAH! Bath oil is good too.),

monogomous, consentual, 1-on-1 heavily oiled, linoleum, not-entirely-professional "wrestling", "twister", or the like with a not-very-secret agenda and conspircacy to commit endowment of unnaturally Herculean multiple slippery orgasms,

ANY kind of dirty dancing (hmm, oil might help there too, were I to fall for the right woman of mutual interest. oh, well.)

almost anything fun that promotes or exploits perspiration, (like sharing an inside-out vinyl or polyester sleeping bag indoors during summer WITHOUT air conditioning and a VERY well thought out plan for cleanup, if you're into that sort of thing.

Or perhaps Heavy amounts of Lubricant or oil would be a definite plus in such a bag, wouldn?t it? Actually, maybe something a little slower and gooier with a little bit of actual stickiness to it for the sake of friction, with the consistency of honey or syrup? Im actually not into food fetishes, but the texture?s an interesting thought?)

maximum sobriety for maximum authenticity and maximum intensity and overwhelming, unbelievable, shaking, shuddering, purely sheer sexual intoxication

yoga (hot, nude, and/or otherwise) (I have wondered for years, being a virgin, if a man and a woman are even anatomically capable of incorporating simultaneous full lotus positions, or something similar, into intercourse. with my imagination, I once thought that this was the butterfly position, and I was disappointed when I learned the truth, but continue to wonder if such a position could possibly exist in the kama sutra, assuming it is even physically possible)(if the position has never been invented, I would dub it "the broken butterfly" position, or perhaps "a psychotic butterfly" position, due in part that it took a person who is delusional, hopeless, and psychotic to even consider the possibility.

on another note about myself, I have discovered that the moniker I have selected, "magicmouth69", is a relatively popular one, and although it is regrettably inconsequential, I wish to pretend I am more desirable than I truly feel by saying that I only use this moniker here and no place else. I recently applied to a website for personals in order to help to forget my feelings of unilateral incompatibility, which I supplement with the perusal of stories in the forbidden, the taboo, and the relatively impossible and personally unrelated since anything else hits way too close to home, because I am actually emotionally and physically really lonely as well, to read very much at all. That AND the fact that I am definitely interested (in an urequieted sense, anyway) in roleplaying to act out the most ridiculous and unfathomable fantasies, despite the fact that my doomed, ultimate desire is love, kindness, and the rest of my life with a woman who is somehow able and willing to put up with me. I prefer older women, probably because I am extremely insecure and unconfident and older women in my life have often shown a bit more patience, tenderness and kindness which I crave, perhaps (though this is probably TMI) because I don?t think I?d make a good father due to my disability as well as the meds that I take for it, coupled with the fact that menopause can help as a measure for birth control. I am sorry for the insensitive honesty. I?m just trying to be candid) The ultimate taboo to me is the union of music, dance, and sex. NOT pole dancing, striptease, or lap dancing, either. Dirty Dancing. Strangely, oral sex is also that way for me, and unusually so to the point where it?s hard to enjoy the idea without reciprocation of some sort, especially since the female orgasm is one of the world?s greatest wonders. I crave it. I hunger for it. I thirst desperately for it. I think the French kiss should have been invented to go with it. (again, I?m a virgin, and it?s all in my head,so maybe I?m beind sorta stupid here)

Although I very much doubt the likelyhood that my reasons are exclusively the same as those of other men, I am unusually drawn to women who are expecting or lactating, and I REALLY wish I could find a way to connect with women who's men failed monogamy's ultimate test (there is something so unbelievably scintillating about uncontrollable, hormonally fueled frank desire and raw need, my GAWD),

Although the perpetuation of lactation or pregnancy isn't actually vital, despite the availability of wonderful pharmaceutical aids that can indefinitely sustain a woman's ability to *provide* (secret smirk), and as twisted as I know I am for even mentioning it.

my desire probably actually stems, in part, from the fact that I really, really wish I could be a successful, responsible dad, but am mentally ill, to use the ugliest term I can think of, and unable to get or hold a job or provide for anybody, including myself, and as such, I am NOT a good role model for any child, as well as the fact that I am a doormat, preferring to spoil a kid silly and send him or her back to a grumbling mom...

Of women who bear the greatest gift a woman can possibly confer upon any man as the title of father, I will never understand a man's unfathomable, confounding absence when given a purpose in life that is so much higher than anything they could possibly otherwise know. I have family that had trouble concieving, so although I believe that the ability to choose and have an abortion is VITAL, I also hold a very special appreciation for just how much it stings, in a way that another person might feel tempted to describe as a slap in the face and a stab in the heart from g*d himself at the mere sound of such a word and I cannot help but sympathise with supporters of the pro-life movement despite my strong objections to several of the more aggressive and controlling aspects of their stance, however idealistically motivated it may be. would that I were born of significant chromosomal inheritance and greater personal ability, I do not think that I would hesitate for even a heartbeat to look for a woman with whom I might be permitted the honor of beginning a family with.

Given the nature of this inherent birthright, however, I may but ask from this isolated locale that any woman who is able do whatever is humanly possible to support the training of girls and women in self defense and martial arts, especially those with at least some small modicum of emphasis on quick, circumstantial adaptation and resourceful use of a persons environmental and situational factors at hand, wherever that may be and however little or much they might have to work with. I would also plead for that woman to do her best to support, befriend, and protect the women and girls that cannot do so, are alone, are frightened, isolated, endangered, impoverished, subjugated, friendless, or helpless. I am extremely bitter and jaded because my illness makes me quite fearful and timid in life, so I can only ask that somebody else do these things in my stead. I hate myself and I hate being alone, so I beg that you honor this unenforceable wish of mine so that someday a society comes into being where no woman or child is unsafe, no act of exploitation, be in physical, sexual, and/or psychological against them is unanswered, where the mysoginistic and antagonistic nature of man is held sufficiently in check to the point where there are no wounds to lick and a man who unintentionally says something thoughtless and hurtful will not recieve a reflexive retaliatory backlash from a woman who has been hurt far beyond anything that insanity can possibly justify... (I say INsanity because I am insane, and because most of the monsters I have been forced to live alongside are clinically normal, which I have long considered to be drastically overrated, if unilaterally (self-)desired) ...from enduring a harsh and endless lifetime of remorseless ridicule, hatred, bigotry, fear, suspicion, persecution, torture, murder, theft of accountability and accomplishment, smothering, despotism and tyranny of ruthless, unforgiving control and unjustifiable retaliation and social enslavement, dismissal, blame, assault, degredation, judgement, condemnation, lies, secrecy, betrayal, seduction, subjugation, extortion, blackmail, slander, abandonment, discredidation, misrepresentation, selective deafness, selective blindness, selective amnesia, subjective and discriminatory EVERYTHING and the other 90% or so of inequities that I am too tired and miserable to bother mentioning, and I continue to hope that with strong, silent empowerment of a most desperately needed sort, that the inner strength of every woman is allowed to shine from within, that every man's dream comes true when the love of their life gives a question that I myself am already too far gone and long since broken to answer with any honesty, grace, or kindness

The future of mankind does not have to be this way if a secret strength can be found by which to endure, to train, to strengthen, to intercede, and to ultimately unshackle all of humankind from the bonds of mysoginistic "sanity" and the commenseuate stupidity that comes along for the ride. In their pathetic self servitude, almost all of the men of this world have protected themselves from the comfort and the knowledge of true bliss that cums with responsible and monogamous (if desired and possible) relations to a woman with the will... and the way... to move mountains for him and to help him to overcome the sense of futility that blinds him to so many things such as to the fact that more than half of men are capable of things like multiple, if not immediately sequential, orgasm and just don't think its likely enough to bother with, despite the relative simplicity that only requires understanding of the biochemical differences between the male sexual response cycle and the female, as well as a healthy dose of support, communication, honesty, trust, and perhaps above all else, love. The only problem that I have personally encountered is the fact that I am predisposed toward dehydration and accidentally learned that the male body seems hardwired to facilitate the passage of genes even if it means exposure to serious or potentially lethal dehydration, so if such a thing as this is ever to be explored by a couple, I think I would feel compelled to suggest a lot more fluids than usual, even more than the expected output of reproductive...stuff..., because

it's really amazing just how much body hydration is apparently ?taken out of a guy? during this sort of thing. its absolutely ridiculous.

On another final note, it occurs to me that I forgot a very important kind of fetish of mine...

JUST ABOUT ANYTHING BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, SITUATIONAL OR CIRCUMSTANTIAL AND PERHAPS MUTUALLY UNINTENTIONAL (WELL...SORT OF) THAT CASUALLY AND DELIGHTFULLY JUSTIFIES PERUSAL OF WORDS

SUCH AS "OOPS" (a good example, however fictitious, is in a certain story involving a guy... a shy hero who somehow finds himself in rather unlikely circumstances, accidentally covered with salad oil and helplessly entangled with an extremely attractive woman where he *slowly* learns to appreciate racial and cultural diversity as well as how intoxicating it can be to embrace the differences of others, to be embraced... to find such wonderful, magial differences and get wrapped up in them, held firmly in place between and against them...sample local cuisine and AHEM! (oops..) umm... sorry. I sometimes get a little bit carried away in my daydreaming. I actually have no set preferences, conventions, or definitions of beauty, except for the obvious minimal chronometric measurement prerequisite and the strong belief that a deviant mind is a terrible thing to waste.

so...

this is my brain...

this is my brain on sex...

any questions?

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