Well …..I’m not really sure how to do this….kinda new to the cyber dating scene. So I guess I should try to describe myself…my likes, dislikes, physical appearance, etc.
Let’s start with physical……… and ladies I’m a real LOOKER…………I’m 5’4’’ 386lbs. but I look taller and skinnier…… Well that is if you have cataracts, are legally blind or if you’re a midget …….with really bad eye sight.
I have a skin condition that’s only slightly contagious when it gets wet. It’s ok though I don’t believe in taking showers or using deodorant, soap, shampoo, toothpaste or any of the other so called necessities of life. Besides, if I bought toothpaste it would last forever because I have only two teeth one on top in front and one on the bottom just to the right of the top one…..it gives me a winning smile……at least that’s what people have told me……or was it a wincing smile?
I am going bald but I’ve learned how to comb my ear and nose hair into a very convincing comb-over and snot mixed with a little ear wax works great as hair gel.
And deodorant!!! Who needs that?........Hey there are advantages,.. Flies and mosquitoes drop dead whenever they enter my protective force field of stench. Besides, I believe it’s all a conspiracy from big business to get us to spend money we don’t need to.
This philosophy works really good for me because I’ve never had a job….I live with my Mommy and sponge off whoever I can………I know, I know…….. this is turning you girls on right now but keep your patties on it gets better.
I’m hung like a horse ………fly……the fact is I’ve never seen junk but I have felt it………. OOOH YHA….. I’ve felt it!!! Only one problem I sometimes get it confused with a hair once and a while…….do you know how it takes to get off when you’re jacking off a hair?
Okay …Okay if you’ve managed to make it this far without ramming chop sticks into your eyes to try to get that mental image out of your head or downing six shots of Tide soap to wash it out and you haven’t run screaming from the room to call the EPA to tell them to send a toxic spill team to your house because your convinced your computer is now truly INFECTED, then you’re probably one of two kinds of people.
1. Your so turned on right now that you’re ready tear your clothes off, slather yourself in butter and run down the street naked screaming “ I’m a Thanks Giving turkey, somebody stuff me!!!!!”
2. Or your sense of humor is as demented as mine.
Now pre-chance you fall into the number one category ………..well then,….. You are a SICK SICK child and are in desperate need of psychological counselling…..
Location
DFW TX