A long, long time ago, when I was a student, I had a friend. This friend of mine, he had a girlfriend. They were very liberal, talked about drugs, sex and a free life style.
Me, I was their square friend, not really part of their inner circle, getting into a lot of arguments with the girlfriend. I can't say I won them all, I can't say I lost, but one thing I can say is that there was no hope for me in the long run. I had seen her wear handcuffs in her belt, in her belt when she wore leather clothes. Not many people did that. No-one did that. She did, and so I was doomed to lose.
At some point they broke up, him and her. They were still friends. I kept seeing her, arguing about the same things. Once, out on the town, I got drunk. Really, really drunk. Like beer, wine and liquor drunk. And I missed the last bus home.
It was agreed I should sleep on her floor. So we went to her place. I did not think about sleeping. I did not think about having sex with her. I thought about confiding in her. My deepest secret. I remember standing there, in my underpants, watching her get ready to sleep. I gathered up all the drunken courage I had within me. I took deep breaths. This was the moment, the first time I would say to another person what I truly felt so deep inside.
"Listen," I said.
"I want," I said, "to be. Your slave."
That was it. The secret I had kept for a thousand years. Out.
She smiled, she shook her head, she said 'No.'
I was humiliated. What did I do? Slink away? Go to sleep. Joke it away. No. I knelt down at her feet, kissed her hand and begged her. Begged her to make me her slave. No. She said. The handcuffs and leather had just been a phase. It was not her thing. I begged again. No. Then we fell asleep, and the next morning I slunk away, not meeting her gaze.
I learned something from all that, learned two things.
1. The woman will be in control. Always. That's tough, right? Meet any woman, have any kind of professional, causal, friendly relationship with her? If she shows any sign she likes to be in control, then she's hooked me.
2. I will do anything to make the woman control me. I will hint, I will prod, I will ask, and I will in the last instance beg. And I will be humiliated, time and time again. But I cannot help it. The woman is in control. Always. And I will come crawling, begging.
Gender
Male