I was born on a bayou. I was kidnapped by aliens at a young age and taught the skill of mind manipulation, which I used to escape and return to Earth 1246 years into the future. The world had changed. It had become a barren wasteland inhabited by roving bands of musicians. And Zombies. There were zombies. And the only musical instrument that had survived the apocalypse was the vuvuzela. A person can only take so many repetitions of "The Girl from Ipanema" on the vuvuzela, so I hacked together a crude time machine and returned to my own time. If you meet me on the street, do not ask me what fate awaits you - All I can say is that it will be dark... and ...probably... painful.

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