I analyze myself down to the last thread, recall the smallest glances, smiles, and words of those to whom I’d tried to be honest with, interpret everything in a bad light, laugh at my ridiculous attempts ‘to be like everyone else’ – and suddenly, in the midst of my laughing, there is a sharp twinge in my chest and I give way to sadness, free-falling into some kind of dimly lit endlessness. Then, once again I start the whole process all over again.

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