- Erotic Poetry
- Comet
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i heard the perimeter
of a hundred breaths
shiver
persistent through
wallpaper and plaster
wood and concrete
penetrated
i heard the very walls
take a collective
gasping breath
from the shockwave
of impact
that shattered every
conscious connection
in this battered brain
and spread
like in the movies
when my soul exploded
shot like stardust
rained like flowers
for you
like it always do
- COMMENTS
WickedEveabout 20 years agoi heard the perimeter
of a hundred breaths
I love the first part, actually the entire poem is good. I'd make a few small changes, though. Your last line should end with does and not do, unless you're trying to rhyme it with you. I'd drop "shiver" and "penetrated." They're not needed, in my opinion, and they slightly interrupt the flow.
Maria2394about 20 years agobeing a romantic flavored with a taste of Monet adoration, I just had to love this line--
when my soul exploded
shot like stardust
rained like flowers
lovely Lin, truly enjoyable read :)
