Brainwave of Horror II: Prolog

Summary: mind control, incest, kidnapping and brainwashing, cosmetic brain surgery, hot pink hair A kidnapped woman is returned with post-hypnotic commands, but the rest of the family is acting as though they've been brainwashed as well; a pop-twat -- erh, pop princess -- conducts an infomercial for cosmetic brain surgery; a family, abducted into the future, learns to cope with their own sexual urges and dangerous female politics. Enjoy the fun and strange truths of the Pumpkin's Night.

/See No Evil: Contains sexually explicit and politically incorrect material. If you shouldn't be reading this, or if it might offend you, simply stop now./

/Legalese: All actors and actresses are over the age of consent. Proof of age is on file. Any similarity of any character, event or place to any actual person, event or place, is purely coincidental. This is all fantasy, and the actors are all professionals -- do not try any of this at home./

/Archiving: You are welcome to discreetly repost or archive this, just do not change it, steal from it or claim credit for it./

Author's Rambling: The third tale isn't as polished as I usually prefer, but I'm out of time if I'm going to get these out for Halloween. I may, after I re-read it in a month, put out a revised version if I'm still not pleased with it.

Live well!

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Prolog

The pumpkin's face wore a look of grim determination as it was buffeted by clouds. It was the same bold expression that Prometheus wore as he carried the light of knowledge out of its crypt and into the world, defying Zeus, the jealous, vindictive Lord of the Gods (and it was NOT the same pained expression that Prometheus wore as his liver was pecked out by buzzards every hour for the rest of eternity as punishment).

The clouds thinned, then surrendered altogether, and a look of pure evil washed over the pumpkin's face. A malevolent laugh dropped out of his grinning mouth.

Bah, no fluffy white icing of the sky would deter him, nor would it stop him from his appointed mission. For he was Jack O'Lantern, and on this night, he ruled supreme.

"On Vomit, on Putrid," he called to the bats pulling the pumpkin carriage in which he rode, "on Goner, on Shits'n,"

A pumpkin riding in a carved-out pumpkin carriage? Isn't that a little cannibalistic or something? Yeeeaah ... but that just helps set the mood for the rest of the evening.

With a satisfied smile, jack gazed out across the landscape that was his realm, for he ruled ALL on this evening. The petty humans were huddled, trembing inside their little homes; none dared to emerge into the fearsome--

Someone was waving at him from down below.

WHAT?! Was the waver DAFT?! Was he some senseless imbecile, too dumb to know fear?! Or was he--

Or was he DEFIANT?! Braving the depths of horror for some feeble fraternity dare?!

Did these humans think that this evening of horrors was CUTE?! That this was any other holiday to be commercialized for the four-year-olds?!

Infuriated, Jack suddenly decreed that this entire evening of Halloween would be halted until he flew down and interrogated this pathetic "waver" as to why he would do so arrogant a thing -- why he would ... wave ... to the Great Pumpkin!

And if the answers were not to Jack's satisfaction ...

... it would be woe to even behold the carnage that he would wreak upon this moron.

"Hey, guys, let's land this tub for a moment," Jack called to the bats.

The bats brought the carriage in for a landing, then Jack started the flames shooting from his eyes. Flames from the eyes always impress the locals.

"Dost thou know WHOM thou hast DISTURBED?!"

The bats lent an eerie cacophonic chorus beside Jack -- he'd have to make sure their gruel was extra rancid later to thank them for that.

The waver dropped to his knees. "Oh, Mr O'Lantern! Please! I beseech thee! For thou art the greatest malefic spirit in all the realms!"

Hmm ... "greatest malefic spirit in all the realms" was a decent beginning. If the guy kept this up, Jack might wind up liking the fellow. "Why hast thou disturbethest me?!" Oops. But most people don't care about grammar or conjugations and things when fire is shooting from the other guy's eyes.

"Please, I seek your assistance, m'lord. I have been cursed -- a curse most foul, dire and unfair. I have sought the wise counsel of many on how to break this curse, but ... they either mock my pain or flee in fear.

"But none of these other wise men have ever been THE Jack O'Lantern! You are the master of evil and know all things malevolent and all things relating to curses. Surely YOU can assist me."

"Well ... I DID do some pretty good curses back in my fraternity days," Jack relaxed a little, in a little better mood now with all this adoration. "And yeah, I do sorta know about curses. Why, the curses I could tell you about. As a matter of fact, sit back and listen to a couple ....