Alive

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If I stayed away from you
For long enough
It would all go away
But I don’t want it to.
I want to feel.
I want to bleed.

No more palms whitening to ice
Heart changing its rhythm
Stomach catching butterflies
Ears hearing a melodic symphony
Knees collapsing weakly from underneath
Muscles quivering and contracting
Mind ensnaring a daydream

I’d rather weep and taste my tears
And rub my burning blood shot eyes
And tear my skin until it flakes to the ground
And bite through the blue snakes in my arm
And feel the sting of ripped tendril strands
And crush my head against the concrete
And punch my chest into concavity

And punish myself for needing to see you
For seeing you
And then still needing you
Right now
The immediacy of it all

But I don’t want to forget you
And join with the lifeless masses
That live each day blurring into the next

It’s worth it
Those extremes that span the spectrum
From ecstasy to anguish, love to torture

Pain is better than the alternative-
Nothing at all.

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2 Comments
duddle146duddle146over 17 years ago
Everything.

Endure the frustration and pain ~ or have nothing at all.

LeBrozLeBrozover 17 years ago
~~

Considering the absence of love

And of one's love

To be so

Extreme;

The alternative

A loveless life

With no

Passion,

So inadequate;

The pain's preferred.