Not the Call He was Expecting

Here is an entry to the April Fool's contest. Just a quick light one that I hope people enjoy -- and not take it too seriously.

*

Jonah was relaxing in the basement on early Sunday afternoon, while Rhonda, his wife of five years, was vacuuming upstairs. Ronnie, their two-year-old son was spending the weekend at her parents because Jonah was expecting to become an uncle at any moment. His sister-in-law was admitted Friday with a planned C-Section that day if things didn't happen naturally. He teased Teagan a fair bit considering the baby was coming just short of nine months before the wedding -- even though his twenty-four-year-old younger brother lived with his new bride for two years before tying the knot. She was his high school sweetheart, just like Rhonda was Jonah's. They were also the best man and maid of honor at each other's weddings. To say the two couples were really close was an understatement.

Being kid free even for a few days was quite a thrill; Jonah forgot how erotic his twenty-six-year-old wife could be when she wasn't worrying about waking a toddler. They'd already had spontaneous sex eight times the last two days in various places in the house. On the washing machine while it was spinning was his favorite so far. He was planning to jump Rhonda again as soon as he heard the vacuum stopping.

As he was waiting for that to happen, Jonah saw he had a call from Teagan. Before answering, he yelled up to his wife, "Babe, it's the call..."

He excitedly answered, "Hey bro!"

"Hi Jonah," said Teagan in a tone that didn't sound like someone just becoming a father for this first time, "It's a girl."

"Congratulations..." Jonah said, "Hey, something's wrong. Is the baby all right? Is Kayla?"

There was an awkward pause and breathing, which make Jonah worry even more.

"Listen, Jonah," said Teagan, "mother and baby are fine. It's just... it's not mine."

Jonah half-chuckled. "Come on, what do you mean it's not yours?" He looked up and saw Rhonda standing in front of him looking worried.

"She's really dark-skinned with black curly hair and brown eyes -- like her father," Teagan said in a tone that sounded more defeated than angry.

Jonah and Teagan were both very fair blondes from their father's Swedish roots. Kayla was an even fairer freckled ginger.

"How?" was all Jonah could say.

"Look, this is partly your fault as much as theirs," Teagan said bitterly, "Baby actually came a couple hours ago, and I needed time to think. Ma and Pa don't know. Shit, what the fuck will dad say?"

"Calm down, what do you mean my fault?" Jonah said.

"Remember your big idea of sending them a picture of us getting lap dances at my Bachelor party while they were at Kayla's Bachelorette Party?"

Jonah did remember. It did seem like a funny thing to do at the time -- being fall down drunk didn't help. Unfortunately, the girls didn't find it too funny. The following day, Rhonda was more than a little cold to him. He figured they'd also have a stripper or strippers and didn't see the big deal. Wasn't like Rhonda was really that mad, anyway.

"Well, apparently, the girls were more than a little drunk by then and assumed we were getting more than lap dances..." Teagan took a deep breath. "Don't do anything you'll regret... but Rhonda and Kayla both fucked the stripper, and he got Kayla pregnant."

"What!" Jonah said standing up and glared at his wife, who wouldn't look at him.

"Hey, it was one stupid mistake," Teagan said, "Don't let it ruin your marriage... At least the kid involved in yours is definitely is yours. And good call for pissing the women off for a laugh... bye."

Jonah's mouth was opened as he hung up and looked at his wife, who had her hands up defensively.

"Please, honey... Let me explain... we screwed up so bad," Rhonda said, "I fucked up beyond belief. Please just let me talk and tell you absolutely everything. I'll go with whatever you decide after that. I love you and don't want to lose you..."

"Kayla got pregnant by her stripper before marrying my brother," said Jonah feeling the blood rush to his face, and clenching his fist.

"Please sit, let me talk first. Once I'm done, you can yell or whatever, please," said Rhonda, who looked sad but calm.

"Fine," Jonah said sitting down, "Tell me why the fuck I shouldn't just get into my car and drive to a lawyer..."

"Because of all the great years we have together and you know I love you," Rhonda said, "It's just... you picked the worse fucking time to mess with us. I admit I fucked up way worse than you, but... we weren't just drinking, there was some... drugs... It was a private suite and Kayla's one friend, Meg, was really wild. We were wasted out of our minds, turned on by the gorgeous ebony stripper we got. He was even taller than you and looked like that guy on Black Panther. And then you sent that text...

"I was so sure you were cheating at that moment, we pulled the guy into the bedroom -- Kayla and I -- and told him we were going to dance for him. Next thing I know, I was just in my panties while he was sitting on the bed, and doing exactly what that slut was doing to you -- except he was in his g-string.

"I was grinding with my back to him, and he started cupping my breasts in those huge hands of his. Both of us were getting really turned on -- as was Kayla who was rubbing herself as she watched. His cock was so huge, when it got hard it popped out of his thong. I was grinding on this massive cock -- at least three inches longer than you -- with only the tiny fabric of my lacy panties between it and my pussy. I knew he would be able to feel how wet I was, but I was also starting to feel guilty about what I was doing. I started to stand up and stop things there, but he took that as an invitation to pull down my panties and then grabbed my hips. I'm sorry, but I gave in. He pulled me down, and I'm surprised it didn't hurt like hell, but it slid right inside me.

"He didn't come in me and I definitely didn't orgasm; it was like ten pumps in me, then Kayla, who was fully naked by this time, jumped on. She climbed off and it looked like she went on her hands and knees for doggy. She told me later she stumbled forward because she was drunk. I didn't think anything of it as the guy banged her from behind. Kayla loved it, but yelled at him to pull out and he said it was too late."

Jonah felt sick to his stomach. He crossed his arms and chose his words carefully. As furious as he was, he loved Rhonda more than anything. He spat out, "For being so wasted, you sure as fuck remember a lot of detail."

Rhonda looked down at her feet. "There's a reason for that. There's a video that Meg took. I initially just remembered being angry and giving a lap dance -- maybe a blowjob first before the filming started, I don't know. It's still a little fuzzy. I told you what I remembered after watching what happened. You can tell I'm loaded, but I look like I was really into it... I wanted to keep it from you, and didn't want you to catch anything."

"You made me use a condom after that night because of a yeast infection," Jonah remembered, "And that wasn't the first time..."

"No, no," Rhonda said, "The other times really were for that... It was only ever that one night, I promised. What I caught was cured by antibiotics... and I never got pregnant."

"Thank God for small miracles," snapped Jonah about to explode.

And there's more..."

"More?" He yelled.

Rhonda sighed. "Meg used the video to blackmail us. Threatened to tell you and Teagan. Fuck, I just wish I knew it would come out like this..."

"How much did you pay her?" Jonah's jaw was clenching.

"She didn't want money... She's lesbian. Meg wanted sexual favors from us. The first time was both of us. Now, I don't swing that way at all. Kissed a girl drunk in college before, but that's it. That first time she made us 69 each other while she watched and masturbated. Then we each had to eat Meg out as she watched the other masturbate till she came. After that, we both went back to her place separately -- at least until Kayla was showing and she got off the hook.

"My Wednesday yoga sessions since that party have been being that bitch's sex slave for an hour. She put me in a dog collar and made me lick her cunt over and over, and then she'd fuck me with a strap-on making me shout I was her slut and didn't deserve a real cock. I felt completely humiliated.

"When it got real bad was when she invited three of her friends over -- female friends -- they strapped me to a bed limbs out in an 'X.' They had these whip things. They teased me -- licking me all over and not letting me come until... do you have an erection hearing about me getting tortured?"

Jonah shifted in the couch. As angry as he was, the image of his wife and Kayla having sex did turn him on -- as with several women ravishing his wife. "No, but... sounds like you had it coming..."

"Had it coming... you should have seen how huge the dildos were and they..." Rhonda covered her mouth, her eyes watered.

Jonah felt like shit for a moment, as it must not have been pleasant at all for her, and then he realized she wasn't crying.

Rhonda snorted, "Sorry... I can't do this anymore," and burst out laughing.

"This is funny to you?" Jonah yelled standing back up.

Rhonda, still laughing uncontrollably, took her phone out of her bra and sent a text.

Moments later, Jonah received a text. He opened to see a picture of Teagan and Kayla with huge smiles holding their pink-skinned baby girl, who had the bluest eyes. Immediately following was another that said, "Gotcha! Get over here to meet Ava Lynn. Six pounds even."

Jonah flopped back in the couch so hard, he felt the wood under the cushion. He was speechless for one of the few moments in his life.

He received another text from his brother. "Hope you didn't freak out too much? Prank of the century! Love you, man. Seriously, get your ass over here with Rhonda to meet your niece."

Rhonda stopped laughing and approached the couch. "Hey, you're not too angry about this are you?"

He shook his head. "I-I-I just... I mean, how could you think that would be funny to do to me?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Actually, I thought so after someone tricked me into thinking my parents were divorcing..."

"That was six months ago..." Jonah said, remembering the April Fool's Day prank he set up. He had a friend call him in the morning, and faked the 'serious conversation,' and then told Rhonda it was her mom. She was leaving her dad for her chiropractor. Before Jonah could say, "April Fools," Rhonda ran to the bedroom completely distraught. He never expected her to take it so hard, and was in the doghouse for a few days -- way worse than after the bachelor party.

"Yes, it was," Rhonda said, "And it was worth the wait. Now you know why I insisted on Ronnie not being here. Knew you wouldn't do anything too stupid, but expected some fireworks."

"What do you expect? How do you think I felt thinking that actually happened?" Jonah, "It almost makes sense... that yeast infection excuse..."

Rhonda sighed. "Fine, I was partying too much that weekend -- as were you -- and forgot to take my pill and didn't want to take chances. I was too embarrassed to say that and worried you'd talk me into risking getting pregnant, so yeast infection. Actually, all the times I made you wear protection was that reason... And, yoga has always been yoga..."

"I'm not storm out the door mad, but I am still mad," Jonah said, "That was way worse than my prank and you know it..."

"Well," Rhonda said sitting down beside him and putting her hand on his leg, "I'm a little mad that my husband not only showed no concern with me being some woman's sex-slave, but actually got a hard-on thinking about it."

He turned and kissed her hard, and she climbed up to straddle him on the couch. She was rubbing herself against his erection. He broke the kiss to say, as she nibbled on his ear, "My mind was angry and concerned... but my cock was picturing you and Kayla eating each other out..."

"Well," whispered Rhonda in his ear, "Don't dwell too much on that. The only pussy I want to taste is my own from kissing you after licking me. We better stop... have to go meet our new niece. I want to stop and get her something..."

After she climbed off and was about to leave, Jonah called out, "Hey, did that party really have a black stripper?"

Rhonda turned with a mischievous grin. "Oh yes... But I did nothing that you didn't do at the bachelor party. I'm perfectly okay with what you did and expect you to be the same with me... Go change so we can go."

Jonah froze wondering if giving the stripper a lap dance part of her story really was true. Or worse, was there any way that Rhonda found out the groom and groomsmen all got blowjobs from a couple of the girls at the end of the night? If she did, that would mean... He smiled and shook his head. As long as his wife didn't fuck the stripper, he could accept her doing no more than what he did that night. And that really was the prank of the century, but he was sure he could top it.