Hogging

Have you ever gone Hogging? It's like an Olympic Sport where I come from, a thing that all the young men are required to do as a right of passage. What is Hogging you ask? Hogging is the sport of going out with the guys getting a few drinks in you and bringing back the biggest, ugliest, nastiest bitch you can manage and then you leave your room unlocked so all your friend's can see what you caught. This is the story of the last time that I won.

We were down at the local club, a place called Club Ice, little more than a hole in the wall if you've ever been a real club. Me and the boys walked in and immediately headed out our separate ways. You see just like hunting any other kind of beast there are techniques to this sport. Some guys like Mike thing that the best spot is just off the dance floor where you can pick the plumpest wall flowers. Others like Robert prefer to actually hit the dance floor; it gives him the opportunity to see most of the club and to be seen with some of the pretty girls. It has won him more than a few hunts as I'll explain later. My personal technique is to head straight for the bar.

For starters if you have a couple strong shots in you (I prefer 151) it makes it a lot easier to stare a mammoth in the face and tell her she's pretty. I think I got lucky this time around. I'd barely gotten to the bar when I spotted my prey.

She was a big one, probably the biggest one I've ever seen. She was easily two hundred and fifty pounds of blubber. It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if she'd have shown up wearing a rainbow hued tank top and an indecently short skirt. Now I swear to you that there are certain articles of clothing that shouldn't be made in plus sizes and miniskirts are amongst them. Have you ever seen a person like that? One where you wondered how in the fuck they manage to walk? I couldn't even understand how she managed to walk, the fat from her calves literally spilled over her feet.

I ordered myself a double shot of 151 and headed over to her. Introduced myself as Steve Rodgers and downed my super soldier serum. Her name was Lucy and this was her first time at the club. This is always the hard part, setting the hook. Now here is where I quite often lose a lot of points. While I'm smoking and joking with this broad trying to get her drunk and interested in me I have to keep her thinking I'm sincere. You see hogging is just like fishing and just like in catch and release fishing all the really big ones have been caught a few times so they know the game. If a man is talking to them it's either a dare or they're hogging neither of which is flattering to the fragile female ego. I went straight for the kill though telling her my entire life story. Today I'd chosen to be Steve Rodgers of the 133rd infantry and that I'd just gotten back from overseas. I threw in some crap about how I'd been in a lot of the hot spots of the war and even had a door knob that I'd taken directly from one of Saddam's palaces.

I'd like to think that it was my incredible game that finally got Lucy to bare her teeth. When I saw her yellowed chipped teeth I instantly ordered up a shot of Jack to keep the man of steel in place. She started telling me the story of how she was a college student and she wasn't fat she was big boned (bullshit) and just all the general things you talk about with real girls. It didn't take me much longer than that to get her out of the club. The hand in my pocket hit the send button on my cell phone alerting my friends that I had caught a live one.

No joke my car lowered a few inches when Lucy sat down in it. In the back of my head I was thinking that I should have brought the truck instead of the coupe but there was nothing I could do but pray that all the funny noises my car made (it kinda sounded like it was chanting oh god) didn't mean that it wasn't going to make the short trip back to my place.

Now I live on the third story of my apartment complex making it complicated to get Lucy to my room. For starters she was nearly as wide as the staircase in the first place which made waddling kinda difficult but hilarious to watch. Then when she got to my door she actually had to turn sideways and wiggle to get into apartment. That right there killed any chance I might have had of getting her into the bedroom; I figured I was much better off just setting her down on the couch and going for it there which is what I ended up doing in the end.

By this point enough of the liquor had kicked in that I was seeing her through new eyes. She wasn't really all that fat, she was just a big girl and at least she had a decent face on her. It wasn't hard to wrap my arms around her and lock lips with a real life wildebeest. I did it all though from some of my best CPR moves, we're talking full frontal tonsil hockey. I don't know when I managed to pull her top down around her stomach. I know I thought I was fondling her tits, in reality I'm sure I was a lot closer to where her chin is.

After that I was finished it was time to go for the gold so I pushed her legs a part and peeled her panties down her blubbery thighs and buried my face in her pie. Now you have to understand I've had my fair share of years but I've rarely had a hard time finding it. She shaved, thank god for small miracles right? But since there was no hair around it to mark its location I had to do some serious spelunking. I should have brought a flashlight as I tried to get beneath the sweaty folds of flesh and find my way to the tasty treat somewhere beneath it all. She had the most gigantic pussy lips I've ever seen, like you probably have parked a car in there with little difficulty. When I first got to it I thought I had found giant pink bat. I did what I had to do though; I gripped her pussy lips and stretched them out so I could find out how many licks it took to get to the middle of a tootsie pop. I'll give you a hint, three licks is how long it takes before you have to come up for air, it ain't how long it takes her to come. Fortunately I didn't have to stay down there for long before she decided it was time for the ride of her life.

I'm not a small man down there, I've got a solid seven plus inches of flesh that stubbornly refused to stand up for this cow. Now this is where she went on to prove something that I've always known was true. Fat girls try harder. I've never in my life had a girl give me a blow job so fantastic that it made my toes curl. She was slurping loud enough that I thought I was in a porn movie. Saliva just dripping down my dick, I have to admit that for a snaggletoothed behemoth that girl can suck one good dick. She was trying to eat me literally. It definitely got my little man up to attention.

I don't think there is any way for me to explain what its like to have a girl on top of you whose legs are bigger around than you are. I mean I couldn't even see my friends when they snuck into the room to take the pictures of me. You would have to see this picture to believe it, my feet are sticking out from beneath her ass but you couldn't see anything else. Another picture from the front shows me with both hands trying to hold one massive tit up enough to let me breath. The point is that this shit was down right disturbing.

Now here is the part that sucked more than anything in my entire life. My friends convinced that my hog was far and away larger than James' famous peach left me to my fate. It was bad enough that she continued riding me till her orgasm crashed over her and crushed me but then she fell asleep. I couldn't move my arms not that it would have mattered; I couldn't bench press a hippo anyway so I was stuck down there. While she lay there crushing me like Dorothy's house and the Wicked Witch of the East I started to sober. So hour by hour she went from being the girl with the great personality and pretty face to reality. Bucktoothed (she could have given me head with her mouth closed) pock marked (like the face of the moon) fat behemoth. This bitch was so hideous I would have gnawed my own arm off to get away; fortunately it didn't come to that.

When she woke up my face was slick with a combination of her saliva (nasty thing drooled like a dog) and my sweat (I had started attempting the one ton bench press with no luck. Lucy rolled to one side and off my bed which without her holding it down catapulted me three feet in the air only to land back on the bed staring at her in disbelief. I think she knew she'd been hogged cus she didn't say a word to me, just pulled her clothes on and waddled out.

Now the good news about this whole thing is that I did win. Not only was I immortalized in the Hogging Hall of Fame. It's the picture of me trying to keep from being suffocated by a tit. But I was allowed to compete in the other great past time, Senior Hunting. I hear that a blow job from a woman with no teeth is fantastic!

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