- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Missed Migration
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Click hereAround I found
while looking down
orange and black
amongst the brown
Fragile wing under the leaf
Who is there to share the grief
When fall drags flutter to the ground
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 17 years agoI would’ve guessed a monarch butterfly. The key words are there (migrate, flutter, fragile wing, brown and black). Wonder what gotem? Nice imagery.
The Mystery Valiantalmost 18 years agoInteresting..., might have made a little more of it. Very short and shy of telling the tale. But very good descripiton and reference to the mystery of fall. I sort of have a thing with fall, the nip of the air and the warmth of the sun on my skin and face. The odd musky, death smell of the expired weeds. As to the pyramid shape of the poem, doesn't seem to carry much of a relationship with the season's. More of a ancient, millineal and egyptian totem. If you understand what I mean.
Angelineover 18 years agoand it is bittersweet. I think you've found the right balance between sadness at finding a dead bird (I assume) and an appropriate philosophical remove. I don't like "drags" next to "flutter." I think flutter needs a different verb next to it or maybe a recast of that last line. But "flutter" is perfect--don't lose that: it's a vivid image.
Ok? I commented. I do read your sig lines! :D
xo,
Ange
