Reflections

Reflections
By D. E. Johnson

As I stare out the cloudless night,
I can’t help wondering...

I walk back inside,
I watch the clock countdown,
soon it’ll be time;
time to write.

Write down what I’ve seen,
and desired and felt;
To remind myself why,
why I keep it all inside.

What the hell is happening,
what do I do with this loneliness?
I can’t seem to hold on,
to this thought...

I get up and walk to the mirror,
I see the deep pain that lies,
just beneath the black of my eyes,
I see my whole life in this reflection.

Reflections,
they can teach us,
if we see them,
we can see,
ourselves.

Reflections,
they reveal everything,
they show us who we are.
Can’t lie to yourself,
you made this reflection.

I am angry now,
as I stare at my own reflection...
Time goes by so slow,
as I feel my self lose control.

The mirror,
it shows the truth,
I’m a drunken bust,
shown from the neck up...

My eyes are red,
and my vision is hazy;
 I haven’t shaved in weeks,
and my hair reeks,
of cigarettes and vodka.

But there’s something inside me,
that I can’t see.
Its like I lost my self-control,
and downward I’m spiraling....

I’ve felt this way before;
but that was then,
and now I can’t understand;
Who’s staring back at me?

He’s my own reflection,
gazing back at me.
He knows what I’ve lost,
and now he can’t heal.

He’s what I lost,
when I fell...
There’s something inside of him,
something just beneath the surface.

His life is never-ending,
peace he cannot feel,
and his anger is all consuming,
confusing what is real...

To him,
I don’t exist.
I’m his reflection,
and he can’t see,
can’t find himself again...

He’s haunting me,
and now the walls begin to close in,
my vision spins,
and something is crawling beneath my skin.

He takes a pill,
and he assumes his vacant gaze,
as his self-control ends,
his agony begins.

Discipline,
it keeps us alive.
But what’s the point,
when all I want is the end?

I stand against my will,
forcing myself,
to gaze into that mirror,
glaring at my own reflection...

I’ve felt this way before,
struggling against myself,
and now I know what‘s
 happening...

The drug is distracting,
to my insides its reacting,
and the vodka is deceiving,
and the walls are closing in...

I feel a burning inside my head,
and I let my eyes close,
so I won’t have to face what I feel,
 I don’t want to look at him.

But my reflection won’t stop glaring at me,
it’s like he’s inside me,
and he does what he can,
but he can’t stop my fall...

I grab the wall as I feel the whirlwind,
it rips right through my head,
my body gets lighter,
and I can feel my brain scream as its taken higher...

I have cigarette lit in my hand;
How did I end up on the bed?
And I’m drinking schnapps out of a bottle,
and a cut on my arm bleeds.

It’s a quarter to eight,
and all I can feel
is the pain in my head,
I close my eyes again.

My cigarette, its burning low,
and I feel the heat.
It’s cooking between my fingers,
and burning my skin.

I take one last drag,
the cherry is stuck to my flesh.
I feel the pain,
can’t make it quit.

Finally, I pour schnapps on my hand,
the liquid soaks into my bed.
I think someone is calling me,
but I just can’t go.
 
I can hear a knock at my door,
but I don’t feel like getting up;
But that knocking just keeps getting louder all the time,
and the pain in the back of my head won’t quit...

I look at the clock,
its half past ten,
Time to get up...
 go to work again.

I crawl out of bed,
smear toothpaste on my beard,
and shave away,
trying not to look at my reflection.

Reflections,
they show us who we are.
Reflections,
they show us where we’ve been.

Reflections,
they reveal the scars.
Reflections,
they are a window to the heart.

Everyone makes their own reflection,
Everyone designs his own life,
No one’s to blame for your reflection,
it’s all your own.

If you don’t like the way people look at you,
then take a look at your reflection.
You can change you reflection at anytime
it all up to you.