- Non-Erotic Poetry
- For M
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Love is the Law, he said, and
guided by that easy task,
what we love, and how,
I bring my blackened hands back
and get them clean
with the simple work.
For you I build
and years down, the silk
I found for moments
wrongly, but hungry
when you were gone from me
was dark, but sent me back
stronger, ready to be
your roof beam, to stand
at all your directions
and find my north in you
once more.
These years between the sins
I study Love and Law and Will
and wonder where the bones
of this love lie, and if this earth
that holds me up could
turn itself and bring me rubies
for me to pour into your hands
as stronger now I travel
toward your magnetic center.
- COMMENTS
KOLKOREabout 16 years agoI had to struggle with the same questions NJ have mentioned but I was compensated by the rich imagery which clarified to me towards the second half. I love poems which bring a big sweep of the whole universe, or at least big chunks of the earth inside with lines such as: "...and if this earth
that holds me up could/
turn itself and bring me rubies/
for me to pour into your hands/
as stronger now I travel/
toward your magnetic center." I feel enriched and gratified
normal jeanabout 16 years agoI read this a few times before voting or commenting.
I like the theme you have going on, and for the most part, it is a well-constructed poem. Only one thing "bothers" me and that is your opening sentence.
"Love is the Law, he said, and
guided by that easy task,
what we love, and how,
I bring my blackened hands back
and get them clean
with the simple work."
Basically, I understand what you are trying to say, but it is so very wordy. Cluttered with some non-essentials and I think i f you clarified it, somehow, it would be a much stronger poem.
I love this line--
I bring my blackened hands back
and get them clean
with the simple work.
but it begs the question, "what is that simple work?"
This part--
"For you I build
and years down, the silk
I found for moments
wrongly, but hungry
when you were gone from me
was dark, but sent me back
stronger, ready to be
your roof beam, to stand
at all your directions
and find my north in you
once more."
there is a LOT to like here, but you confuse me with some of your phrases that just don't click (with me), maybe I am just dense or perhaps it is a regional thing.
What does "For you I build and years down..." mean? I just don't get it. But I love the idea that one might be the center beam that holds a pair of lovers together. I love just about any ref to a compass as I am off-track so very often.
Paris, I believe you have it in you to make this poem much MUCH stronger and I hope you take this FB in the spirit intended, well meant. I have enjoyed reading your work today.
xoxox
NJ
