- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Downtown
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This, the road, my palette
of striped and printed ladies
and men in spit-shined shoes,
this yellow taxi, my plough,
this tunnel, my burrow. I circle the tower
again and again, a child’s head on a baseball bat,
fat, wooden end on the ground. Spin
and spin to 9th Avenue,
to 1st Street, south, southwest, the horizons
blend into the fume of nylon legs crossing
against the lights. Dizzy
I fall to you and your dusty feet
and you carry me trainside on your pink tongue.
The world is slanted and slattern
stemming from the core. I don’t believe
a Poe heart pulsates
underground
but the chimes, my dear, my head.
When we kiss, I say, you’re younger.
I feel it, too, you say
and disappear behind a revolving door
back to your own personal aquarium
forty-five stories above the ground.
Here I remain
six feet above death
and not nearly high enough.
- COMMENTS
Tzaraabout 16 years agoS1: Good set-up. I like how "striped" and "printed" combine in the following line to "spit" and "plough" and "burrow" are very vivid. The head on the baseball bat image in S2 is both funny and a little grotesque, but very strong at evoking the round and round the block driving you're describing. S3 gets a little confusing for me, but I am guessing it describes meeting a friend who revives you through talk (?). "The world is slanted and slattern" should, I think, either be "The world is slanted, a slattern" or "The world is slanted and slatternly". I like the former better. Nice reference to "The Tell-Tale Heart." S4 seems straightforward, and the "personal aquarium" is an excellent metaphor. I've worked in one before. ;-) Last S is an excellent close, I think, "high" having multiple meanings in context. All in all, an excellent poem.
GuiltyPleasureabout 16 years ago.....you rescued me from drowning in a slough of frightful poetry. Thank you!
Tess
bogusbrigabout 16 years agoGood as this poem is (and it is), it gives me the impression of someone writing well within their self and is merely relying on style. I would be more impressed if you tried and failed. I get the feeling you could turn poems out like this by the dozen. It is a crowd pleaser. Now how about writing about something you feel rather or believe in?
LeBrozabout 16 years agoExcellent. Had to 'mute' the TV while reading this; it demands attention. There's so much happening here and much to think about after reading through to the end.
