The New BFW for President

We've all heard the story, if you live in America you could grow up to be President one day. That's been the word passed down mostly from white father to white son, but now it's broadened to black father to black son, and perhaps now even mother to daughter. With a black President perhaps brown, or red, or yellow, or whatever color you happen to be, fathers are telling their like colored sons and daughters that one day you can be President. Yes, suddenly it all seems possible, it is possible except for one fact.

I read on an AOL news column that our newly elected President raised more than seven hundred and fifty million dollars for his campaign. Now he did have thirty million dollars left over but that only means that he spent seven hundred and twenty million dollars. Wow, that kind of money might finance a few more minutes of the war in Iraq, or maybe bail out an automaker or two, I know it would certainly let me upgrade my lifestyle if I had it, but no, this is what he spent to become President.

Obviously he could have spent less, but who is to say that if he didn't spend the money he would have won. Or if his opponent spent nine hundred million would seven hundred and fifty million been enough or would he have to have spent more? You know if we held these elections once every four years you could be talking lots of money. Oh, wait a minute, we do! Hey perhaps if we did this once every eight years we'd save a bunch of money. Or what if we did it once every twelve years?

It suddenly appears that if any young white, black, brown, yellow, red, or other boy or girl wanted to become President they would need to do more than just get good grades in school, be civic minded, and keep the skeletons out of their closets. They'd all need to find a way to raise money, so much money that you'd have to wonder if all of it was honestly gained money. It's all simply too much to comprehend and it seems perhaps that not every child really has a chance.

So were do we find our next Presidential Candidate? Well hell, we find him or her right here at Literotica. It's a shoe in... just listen. First of all, what industry has the financial strength to support a seven hundred and fifty million dollar campaign? Quite simply: the porn industry. And who would make a better candidate than one of Literotica's writers.

Now I'm not about to make any selections from current writers and considering that the last four winners of the Survivor Contest only made a combined seventeen hundred and fifty dollars it may appear that no one here has enough money to become President, but we are wrong. It was here, right here at Literotica that someone made five thousand dollars for losing a contest. And while this person would have to lose another one hundred fifty thousand times to earn the necessary money to become President, it just might work.

Of course we will need to make a change at this time, cute as he is, his picture is simply a bit scruffy around the edges. No I would like to introduce a new and improved BFW, Balston Fiction Writer, a fine upstanding citizen from Balston, Maryland just a quick run out the red line from DC. Or is that the orange line? Yellow? Anyway, this fine individual from Balston, Maryland need only come to Literotica and lose contests. Now he or she would enter all the Literotica contests performing in such a manner that he or she would lose everything.

Then the New BFW could enter all the porn contests available on the internet losing each and every one entered. The first thousand or so contests should be easy and then, well the New BFW could afford a staff to help endorse and deposit all those five thousand dollar loser's checks. After a while the New BFW could start campaigning pressing for Literotica type issues, like the first amendment, an end to anti-pornography laws, wonderful, unabashed sex for everyone, and the right to submit seven hundred fifty word stories.

Yes, and as Marshall McLuhan once preached that the "Medium is the message" the new BFW's campaign would be all porn based, broadcast from all the millions of porn outlets around the states. Once that happens all the silent majority of porn loving people will come out of the privacy of their bedrooms and support this great person. Every man and woman who receives those plain, brown paper packages at home, who privately exercise their rights in many interesting and different positions come out and vote we all will know who is the best for President.

Of course when the votes come in and are counted we'll find the new BFW has lost once again. Somehow the red states got redder and the blue states got bluer and the American people well we got what we asked for, we got fucked. And I must say, we kind of enjoyed it, we've been doing this for so long you see.

Poor new BFW will drag his tired ass back to Balston and begin writing some more fiction. Day to day life will return to the normal drudgery as he returns to work. All he can do then is think of what might have been... that is until one day he gets and envelope in the mail. Carefully opening it he finds a five thousand dollar check for losing the Presidential Election. Damn, he realized he had lost again, how wonderful.

The new BFW deposits his money into the bank and realizes that the next election is just four years away. Hurrah, hurrah, he is ready to start all over again, but this time he ditches the porn industry and finds something better: NASCAR. Hell if Jeff Gordon can go all year without winning a race and still get almost six million dollars in winnings, this has got to be the place for the famous Balston Fiction Writer. Gordon lost forty-one races and earned nearly six million or just over one hundred forty six thousand dollars per loss. Yeah the new BFW has a great new plan, now it's the new BFW for President in 2016.